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My Very Final Nerve: A Hesped, Kind Of
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Kiwi13




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 16 2022, 5:11 pm
My Very Final Nerve: A Hesped, Kind Of

She was a fighter, bold and brave.
She persevered, refused to cave.
Her dedication never swerved…
My precious very final nerve.

She held on tight, enjoyed the ride.
She took a LOT in gentle stride.
Her strength was well beyond the curve…
My dainty very final nerve.

She didn’t know from “giving up.”
She threw away YOUR yogurt cup.
She gave more chances than deserved…
My cordial very final nerve.

Her acts for others helped them live.
She mustered rats’ behinds to give.
There sadly was no vast reserve…
My helpless very final nerve.

Endangered species everywhere
Are sheltered, guarded, raised in prayer.
But final nerves aren’t noticed ’til
They’re on a rampage, set to kill…

So do your laundry! Toss your trash!
Find yourSELF your OWN rat’s [behind]!*
Issue refunds! Load the truck!
[bad word]! [bad word]! [bad word]! [bad word]! [bad word]! [bad word]! [bad word]!*

Check your records - Oh, you’re short?
Looks like she'll see YOU in court!
Do not pass the buck or blame.
Last nerve’s HAD IT with your game!

From children who won’t stay in bed
To rabbis who ignore what’s said
From weather making storms erupt**
To good guys who have gone corrupt….

(Ya’ll better watch out.)***

Rife with pure dissatisfaction,
Final Nerve is taking action.
Once she was but fairy dust,
But THAT turned out to be a bust!

So now she’s gonna take you down!
And not just YOU. Oh, look around!
This whole dang WORLD’S full of them…
Unsuspecting zombie phlegm.

Crooks and cheaters roll the dice.
They’re marked and they will pay the price!***
Here and every place abroad,
They’ll be taken down for fraud.

Doctors tasked with “do no harm.”
Politicians full of charm.
Businessmen with rusty morals.
Leaders resting on their laurels.
Liars staking out the polls.
Rabbis who have sold their souls.

(Yup)

Time for justice to be served!
Time for Undead Final Nerve!

You seem startled. You seem shocked.
You seem like YOUR boat was rocked!

Guess you thought when last nerves die
They disappear into the sky?
Or maybe they are placed below,
Inside a casket in the snow?

Haha my friend!**** You are mistaken!
Like a zombie, they awaken
From their deathly, hollow states
Into a rage where they create
An avalanche of crippling doom
Which will befall with wretched gloom
Whomever led them to this place -
This limbo hovering in space -
From where they see who done ‘em wrong.
They torch the world and sing a song!

A dirge? No sir*****, this is no dirge!******
A strength wells up inside - a SURGE
Of vengeance. Here she comes for you.
So watch your back.
(Your rat’s back too.)
__


*not an Imamother replacement

**and trees fall on our garage

***disclaimer: this is a vent poem, not a threat. Don’t make problems where there ain’t none. There are already more than enough.

****we are not friends

*****you get what you get

******I mean, it kind of is, though…


(Edited for typo)


Last edited by Kiwi13 on Fri, Jun 17 2022, 5:31 am; edited 1 time in total
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Kiwi13




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 16 2022, 5:12 pm
I'm not always this disillusioned, but when I am...
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gr82no




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 16 2022, 5:29 pm
Kiwi just want to say I’m so happy to see you and well enough to post.
Did not read what u wrote yet

ETA I did and you write beautifully, expressing yourself well! Sending you hugs. (Sorry can’t find the hug emoji I looked five times)
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Kiwi13




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 16 2022, 5:37 pm
gr82no wrote:
Kiwi just want to say I’m so happy to see you and well enough to post.
Did not read what u wrote yet

ETA I did and you write beautifully, expressing yourself well! Sending you hugs. (Sorry can’t find the hug emoji I looked five times)


💕 thanks so much for the warm welcome back 💕
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amother




Pearl
 

Post Thu, Jun 16 2022, 5:39 pm
OP, I'm so sorry you feel like this - but OMG what a brilliant piece of writing!
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InnerMe




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 16 2022, 5:47 pm
ok this poem is OMG. The RHYTHM , the vocabulary, the notations, the caps.... this is genius poem wrath.
I was sing songing it in my head, similar to how I do the Bells, Bells, Bells poem by Edgar Allen Poe.

Serious hugs to you for that final nerve.
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BrisketBoss




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 16 2022, 5:50 pm
I love your poem! Very well expressed!
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amother




Electricblue
 

Post Thu, Jun 16 2022, 5:56 pm
Amazing.
I'm disillusioned too.
Fighting for my sanity in a crazy world.
Just hoping that it's them who're crazy and not me...
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English3




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 16 2022, 5:57 pm
Kiwi your poem is a pieace of art. And your nerves are firmly placed, such expression!
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amother




Mauve
 

Post Thu, Jun 16 2022, 6:05 pm
Our car was repossessed today.

I've never experienced shame and fear like this. How is it that two mature, hardworking, sane adults who work full time in college -educated fields can't provide a life of basic security for ourselves and our kids? I feel such panic, bewilderment, humiliation.

Your poem made me laugh, and it gave me some of my fight back.

Thank you.
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Kiwi13




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 16 2022, 6:14 pm
amother [ Mauve ] wrote:
Our car was repossessed today.

I've never experienced shame and fear like this. How is it that two mature, hardworking, sane adults who work full time in college -educated fields can't provide a life of basic security for ourselves and our kids? I feel such panic, bewilderment, humiliation.

Your poem made me laugh, and it gave me some of my fight back.

Thank you.


Oh man that’s awful!!! I’m so sorry that happened to you!!!

Hearing that my poem made you laugh and gave you back some fight strengthened me too. 💕 hang in there!
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happytobemom




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 16 2022, 6:24 pm
Kiwi! So happy to see you back here!
We missed you so much!
Heart Heart Heart
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Coffee beanz




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 16 2022, 6:29 pm
What a great poem! It really resonated
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amother




Mauve
 

Post Thu, Jun 16 2022, 6:36 pm
Kiwi13 wrote:
Oh man that’s awful!!! I’m so sorry that happened to you!!!

Hearing that my poem made you laugh and gave you back some fight strengthened me too. 💕 hang in there!


Thank you for your kindness.

Gosh. Can't stop crying.
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amother




Offwhite
 

Post Thu, Jun 16 2022, 6:44 pm
amother [ Mauve ] wrote:
Our car was repossessed today.

I've never experienced shame and fear like this. How is it that two mature, hardworking, sane adults who work full time in college -educated fields can't provide a life of basic security for ourselves and our kids? I feel such panic, bewilderment, humiliation.

Your poem made me laugh, and it gave me some of my fight back.

Thank you.

May this be the absolute bottom of the "wheel" of parnasa and may it start improving from here!

Our car almost got repossessed years ago. I remember how defeated we felt, how much we had been struggling and the panic over what would happen next. We ended up giving the car to a relative who took over the payments for us...

Sending you lots of hugs. You must feel absolutely miserable right now.
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amother




Mauve
 

Post Thu, Jun 16 2022, 8:50 pm
amother [ Offwhite ] wrote:
May this be the absolute bottom of the "wheel" of parnasa and may it start improving from here!

Our car almost got repossessed years ago. I remember how defeated we felt, how much we had been struggling and the panic over what would happen next. We ended up giving the car to a relative who took over the payments for us...

Sending you lots of hugs. You must feel absolutely miserable right now.


Thank you for your warm wishes. It means a lot to me. I still terrified and still can't stop crying, but I'm better.

I prayed. I told God that I believe that he's good, that I believe he can and does take care of me. I trust that this must be good for us.

It would have been easy to fight with my husband. His pride is wounded, and where fear and sadness make me weepy, he gets caveman cold and silent. I told him that he better not be blaming himself, beating himself up. I told him that I'd rather be his girl, and poor, than rich with anyone else. We're strong and smart and not afraid of hard work, and we have each other. We're really lucky. There's a lot here that no one can take away from us.

I cuddled my kids, and put them to bed. We're giving them parents who love each other and love them. Maybe one day we'll also have material things to give them, but for now, I trust that we are enough.
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Kiwi13




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Jun 17 2022, 1:32 am
amother [ Mauve ] wrote:
Thank you for your warm wishes. It means a lot to me. I still terrified and still can't stop crying, but I'm better.

I prayed. I told God that I believe that he's good, that I believe he can and does take care of me. I trust that this must be good for us.

It would have been easy to fight with my husband. His pride is wounded, and where fear and sadness make me weepy, he gets caveman cold and silent. I told him that he better not be blaming himself, beating himself up. I told him that I'd rather be his girl, and poor, than rich with anyone else. We're strong and smart and not afraid of hard work, and we have each other. We're really lucky. There's a lot here that no one can take away from us.

I cuddled my kids, and put them to bed. We're giving them parents who love each other and love them. Maybe one day we'll also have material things to give them, but for now, I trust that we are enough.


You’re a lot more graceful than I’ve been recently. Kol HaKavod to you for your approach to literally all of this. Prayer, marriage, motherhood, Emunah, etc etc. WOW. I’m very inspired. (And a little jealous.) You sound like an amazing, truly special person.
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amother




Offwhite
 

Post Fri, Jun 17 2022, 1:44 am
Kiwi? You're a pretty amazing person yourself.
And your poem is absolutely brilliant.

...Cuz one day that rogue and zombie nerve
That seeks revenge and bucks the curve
Will encounter a heavenly light
That for a moment sets visions right
And then, perhaps instantly, or not quite
Will resurrect as just a nerve polite.
And then, again, return to you
As you wonder just how you pulled through
You'll feel knit together, good as new
And one day regrow other nerves too!

A source of fortune you may even find...
As you sell desperate folks their own rat's behind.
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Kiwi13




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Jun 17 2022, 1:47 am
InnerMe wrote:
ok this poem is OMG. The RHYTHM , the vocabulary, the notations, the caps.... this is genius poem wrath.
I was sing songing it in my head, similar to how I do the Bells, Bells, Bells poem by Edgar Allen Poe.

Serious hugs to you for that final nerve.


OMG I gotta go find you a copy of a parody I did on that once!

Okay, awesome - it’s still in my phone from a few years back… I made this into an animated YouTube video also for Storytime Mommy (a parenting humor brand I run). (And by “run” I mean “started strong and then got sick and abandoned it.) I’ll be back though iyH. Actually just this week I put out a new book in the series on Amazon. B”H moving forward day by day…

Anyway, here’s the poem:

The Smells (The Bells)

Here to ask me if it smells?
Yes, it smells!
Oh, the dank, malodorous disaster it foretells.
How they tinkle, tinkle, tinkle,
In the day and in the night!
Yet their aim is but a sprinkle
And it forms another wrinkle
On my face, from left to right.
All the time, time, time,
I am aging past my prime,
From the trying tribulation - even spiders it repels!
Oh, the smells, smells, smells, smells, smells, smells, smells—
Oh, the tinkling and the mingling of the smells!

Care to ask me WHY it smells?
What the HELLS?
Never should this stench exist where anybody dwells!
How they giggle, giggle, giggle,
And will get what they deserve!
Leaving poop and urine squiggle
On my very final nerve!
All my boys, boys, boys,
Making messes, making noise!
But tomorrow, they will clean the stinky bathroom, Mommy yells.
All the smells, smells, smells, smells, smells, smells, smells—
Will be cleaned, you hear me? CLEAN UP ALL YOUR SMELLS!

Won’t you ask me WHERE it smells?
In hotels?
In a musty locker room, or in the drug cartels?
If you listen, listen, listen,
You will hear a house that’s clean.
How my silent toilets glisten
With a shiny, Clorox sheen!
No more flush, flush, flush,
From my children in a rush.
‘Cause I locked up all the bathrooms - there’s an outhouse by the dells
For the smells, smells, smells, smells, smells, smells, smells.
I have sanitized the agonizing smells!

__

Link to the video: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=.....=325s

(Poem starts at 5:26)

Curious to hear your thoughts.
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Kiwi13




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Jun 17 2022, 1:54 am
amother [ Offwhite ] wrote:
Kiwi? You're a pretty amazing person yourself.
And your poem is absolutely brilliant.

...Cuz one day that rogue and zombie nerve
That seeks revenge and bucks the curve
Will encounter a heavenly light
That for a moment sets visions right
And then, perhaps instantly, or not quite
Will resurrect as just a nerve polite.
And then, again, return to you
As you wonder just how you pulled through
You'll feel knit together, good as new
And one day regrow other nerves too!

A source of fortune you may even find...
As you sell desperate folks their own rat's behind.


Aww!! This is why I love this site so much!!!! I’m so thankful to be able to be back on. It’s been such a whirlwind of crazy lately and I wasn’t sure I’d ever figure it out again.

I don’t want to get stuck selling desperate people their own rat’s behinds. I’d like to think I’ll bounce back more altruistic than that. I could start a rat’s behind gemach, maybe. You know, give back a little. 😂

B”H I have a tiny bit of renewed hope right now. Hope of any size holds strong for as long as it can. IyH this bit will take me over the Aliyah finish line…

I’m coming NEXT MONTH!!!!!!!! 😳😍🤯😜❤️
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