Disappointing RSVPs for Simcha

amother

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 5:46 pm

We invited over 400 people. Barely 60 are attending. My child who's simcha it is feels terrible. We feel terrible. We didn't expect 400 to attend, but we thought more would. So many RSVPs are "No." It's so disappointing! We calling everyone on the list the past few days who we didn't hear from , and almost all were "No's".

We want to get past this disappointment and enjoy the simcha, but it's so much smaller than we had thought it would be!

amother

Coral

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 5:50 pm

Speaking as someone who’s child bar mitzvah was smack in the middle of Covid, it’s the best!!

Think of the four or five people that really really really matter, and focus on the joy you feel about them being there. That’s it! That’s all that matters. That your child is happy, that the people you love most are there. And you can spend way more now! Time to gift everyone with a door prize iPad or something and trust me your next simcha will be bursting at the seams.

amother

Ghostwhite

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 5:56 pm

So sorry. That sounds so disappointing. Why are so few coming? Does this involve major travel for most people? Is it in the summer when so many people are away?

We made a very small bar mitzvah (pre-Covid; was just more appropriate for this particular child) and people are still talking about it. It was so special, so intimate, so meaningful.
During Covid we had the privilege to be in attendance at some very tiny weddings. They were out of this world stunning and special both. When you take a budget for 400 people and spend it on 60 people, you can make something very magical and memorable.

amother

Cappuccino

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 6:04 pm

So I found watching Covid weddings (on zoom) very interesting. All the important people were there around the chosson and kallah, being m'sameach. What you didn't have were all the outer people chatting to each other! But the core simcha was the same 😀

amother

Bisque

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 6:12 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Ouch. That’s so disappointing. I don’t know how soon it is, but is it still possible to send out some last min invites to old friends, distant cousins, old are EIN, acquaintances… people who weren’t originally on the list but may be very happy to come.

kenz

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 6:35 pm

I agree with those saying the smaller simchas are so much more enjoyable- not only for the family but for the guests as well. You feel much more included and wanted at a smaller, more intimate affair.

amother

Firebrick

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 6:37 pm

If it’s a wedding it’s possible ppl will come to dance. I always say no to meal but make a point to show up to dance. Many of my friends do this.
And unless you got back 340 NO many ppl are just bad at sending back but may still show

amother

Dustypink

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 7:00 pm

amother [ Bisque ] wrote:

lol - how would she word this? Hi old friend/distant cousin, I didn't originally want you at our simcha but now that we need a rent-a-crowd to fill up the hall, would you like to attend?

amother

Ghostwhite

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 7:03 pm

amother [ Dustypink ] wrote:

lol - how would she word this? Hi old friend/distant cousin, I didn't originally want you at our simcha but now that we need a rent-a-crowd to fill up the hall, would you like to attend?

You pretend their invitation got lost in the mail.

But I would never do that. Why would I be so desperate to spend my money on people I clearly don't care that much about to attend my simcha? I'd much rather enjoy my intimate, beautiful, meaningful simcha.

amother

IndianRed

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 7:24 pm

OP this sounds like such a big disappointment. Do you have a clue why this is? Summer ? vacations? Maybe you want to push off the party when more pple are around? I feel for the Bar Mitzva Boy who has been waiting so long for this.

lamplighter

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 7:26 pm

Wow those are huge number differences. I'm sorry if this is painful, that hard.
The question now is how many people will actually show. Do you make a small intimate beautiful simcha or will people show up and your not sure how many to plan for? This is community culture specific.

amother

DarkYellow

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 7:43 pm

Chasidim just do 125 couples and that's it. It's more than enough. But they do send out the invitations.
No RSVP because it's a given that only family, best friends and classmates (maybe) will eat there

watergirl

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 8:21 pm

amother [ Anemone ] wrote:

Your son is only disappointed because you are, which is a shame since that is hardly the point of the day.
A smart parent doesn't tell their child how many people they invited on the chance that a large no show would disappoint. Besides, your son has 400 friends?? These must be adults you are inviting scraping the barrel of your friend pool to get a "massive simcha " to impress people.
60 people is plenty. Your son could have had a wonderful time. Instead you created a false idea of what a simcha should be making him feel he is losing out even though that is hardly important here.
Most bar mitzvas I attend have 60 people and the bal simchas seem pleased.
Your behavior is selfish and immature.

This is really harsh and it’s really not ok to talk to people like this. I’m also not sure why you are assuming this is for a bar mitzvah. OP said it’s a simcha for her child. I assumed it’s a wedding considering most people do not invite 400 people to a bar mitzvah. And now with covid over, I think many people would be disappointed with a 60 person crowd if 400 were invited.

Empathy, please. Even if this is about a bar mitzvah.

amother

Anemone

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 8:32 pm

You're right.
Sorry.
Recently got bullied into coming to a simcha by someone that is just always so bratty and expecting everything...because they wanted a crowd. It really disgusted me.
But I shouldn't have assumed

Simple1

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 8:37 pm

400 is a lot of people! My invitation list is much smaller. Are most of them acquaintances? I’m finding lately that simchas have mostly family and close friends attending. Maybe some more come to say mazal tov. (Not because of covid but for practical reasons.)