Guest preferances | Imamother

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Guest preferances

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amother

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 7:08 pm

I like hosting guests for Shabbos every few weeks.
There is one item on my menu that is not super typical and some people don't like it.
I make it every week and it's what my family eats. Changing out that menu item feels super stressful for me, and obvs just harder to host when I have to change my menu to suit the guest.
Is it rude to serve something you know a guest may not like? For example, a certain type of fish or chicken.
What would you think if you were the guest coming to my house?

amother

Brickred

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 7:10 pm

If you have other substantial options too it’s not rude.

amother

Dustypink

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 7:14 pm

amother [ Brickred ] wrote:

If you have other substantial options too it’s not rude.

Agree with this.
If it’s something that generally very few people like and there’s nothing else for them to eat, I think you have to change your menu to accommodate the guests.

amother

Brunette

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 7:20 pm

I would offer a second more traditional option for that course

amother

Mauve

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 7:22 pm

I’m so curious: what is this food item? (Like, a obscure soup like borscht?)

flowerpower

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 7:25 pm

Shabbos meals are a 3 course meal plus dessert. They don’t have to like every single dish

amother

Aubergine

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 7:25 pm

So long as you have other food options I don't see the issue. We sometimes have a family that doesn't eat fish. We still eat fish. But I have salads and dips on the table. It's not like they just sit there and watch us eat our fish. Or there is another family that they don't eat red meat. So I make sure to have chicken. But if my kids tell me they are all really in the mood of meatballs or pastrami or some kind of meat, I would not hesitate to serve that also in addition to the chicken.

singleagain

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 7:25 pm

My mom always made at least two mains and like 4 or 5 sides ...she also asks if there's anything ppl like...

hodeez

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 7:27 pm

I would take out 2 mains at the same time

amother

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 7:29 pm

It's a type of fish I make. If I have to make another type of fish it's no use... I don't even know how to make regular gefilta fish...

TravelHearter

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 7:29 pm

I host a lot as well. I think it’s fine, just make sure to have an additional dish of that type/category. For example, if you’re serving kabobs which is a pretty specific dish, so another protein as well.

Edited to say that I just saw that I cross posted. I think it’s fine, as long as you have other things served in that course so they can eat, like salads/dips.

Last edited by TravelHearter on Mon, Jun 20 2022, 7:31 pm; edited 1 time in total

singleagain

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 7:30 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It's a type of fish I make. If I have to make another type of fish it's no use... I don't even know how to make regular gefilta fish...

If there are other salads and dips on the table during the appetizer round I don't think you need to have another fish.

You could also always buy pre-made gefilte fish if you have such a store near you.

But also gefilte is one of the easiest things to make if you wanted to learn. not that you have to

amother

Mauve

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 7:31 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It's a type of fish I make. If I have to make another type of fish it's no use... I don't even know how to make regular gefilta fish...

Can’t people decline if they don’t want it?

Same for dessert. If you only serve fruit (which is perfectly acceptable) I’ll politely decline. I’m not a fruit person.

My point it, I think it’s perfectly ok to not eat everything served a meal.

amother

Dustypink

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 7:32 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It's a type of fish I make. If I have to make another type of fish it's no use... I don't even know how to make regular gefilta fish...

Nah no need for gefilta fish. My husband likes Chryme which is a somewhat spicy sephardi fish and that’s what I make for shabbos even if it’s not everyone’s speed. If we have guests I make sure to have a sushi salad with kani or dips or just other salads on the table at the same time.

tichellady

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 8:11 pm

It’s fine if it’s not the only main course being served

amother

Taupe

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 8:14 pm

Where did you get the idea that a guest must like every single thing you serve? How would you even know anyone's taste to that degree of detail? What you do is serve a variety of foods so there's something for everyone. A sane guest doesn't expect a hostess to deprive her family of something just because he doesn't like it himself. He doesn't like it, he passes it up and has something else instead.

However--if this fish dish is your main course and not just an appetizer, I do suggest having another proteinaceous main dish. If you're pescatarian and don't eat poultry or red meat, what's stopping you from learning how to make a different type of fish once in a yovel?

amother

Banana

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 8:19 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It's a type of fish I make. If I have to make another type of fish it's no use... I don't even know how to make regular gefilta fish...

You can buy takeout gefilte fish, serve from a jar, or just have salads and dips to eat with challah during the fish course in addition to your usual fish. Fwiw, I know plenty of people who don't like gefilte fish and politely decline it when offered.

amother

Currant

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 8:56 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

OP, Rabbi Abraham Twerski on Pirkei Avos writes on the mishna , יהי ביתך פתוח לרוחה ועניים כבני ביתך
to feed your guests whatever you feed your family. Otherwise you may be like others who refuse guests because it is too difficult to serve a perfect menu...or present a perfect home...
The Shabos seuda has enough dishes for any guest to leave well fed, even if one regular dish is not to their liking...

WhatFor

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 9:03 pm

singleagain wrote:

But also gefilte is one of the easiest things to make if you wanted to learn. not that you have to

Yes. You definitely don't have to learn this, but the gefilte fish most people use is the kind you buy frozen. You take the frozen fish loaf, still wrapped in paper, (remove plastic) and put it in a pot of water to boil. Some people add a whole onion and/or carrot. That's it. That's the whole thing.

When serving, some people slice the cooked carrot and place a piece of carrot in the center of each fish slice. Not obligated but if you wanted to, that's the whole thing.

(Of course there are those who make the whole thing from scratch and it's delicious, but most people aren't doing that.)

essie14

Mon, Jun 20 2022, 9:08 pm

Guests do not need to like or taste every dish you serve. As long as there is variety , it's fine. My (adult) children won't touch fish of any kind, not gefilta or anything else. When we are guests they eat challah and whatever else is served for the appetizer , or they just wait for the next course. It's fine.

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