Home

Emotional regulation

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children


View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Jun 22 2022, 10:53 am
Can anyone recommend good books appropriate for teaching 6-7 year old girl how to regulate emotions as opposed to just shutting down and/or crying and crying.
I would be interested in children's books to read to her and/or parenting books to read and learn how to help her navigate her intense emotional world
Back to top

amother




Emerald
 

Post Wed, Jun 22 2022, 11:20 am
I'm also looking for the same for a similarly aged child.
Back to top

amother




Fuchsia
 

Post Wed, Jun 22 2022, 11:56 am
Books teach nothing ever. I wish people would save their money and let kids enjoy the imagination of 'the 3 little pigs'...
When we want to teach children a new way of modulating their emotions we need to be aware of a few things first.
Firstly, it doesn't get 'fixed overnight.
Secondly, are you contributing to her breakdowns by modeling extreme disappointing reactions? (Freaking out when someone leaves a mess etc)
And thirdly, have you ruled out all outside factors such as trauma etc.

Assuming all checks out clear, how can you support but not encourage your daughter thru a meltdown?

Try to imagine you're working on a project for work for several months. A pay raise and huge bonus is contingent on it's success.
How would you feel if someone ruined it all the evening before the presentation?
Suppose your dh looked at what happened, sees your tears and says, "whatever, just get over it."
Or "stop making a huge deal..."
So...
1.You need to show your daughter absolute and sincere empathy. Not distracted, and not superficial.
Take a moment to really show her you care. Tell her you do and how sorry you are. Think about all the words you might want to hear from dh and use them for her.
2. Ask her if she has any ideas on how to fix the situation.
She may need prompting at first so you can make suggestions like "do you think---------- would be helpful next time?" Don't push agendas on her just give her suggestions with a fair amount of respect and space for her own ideas.
3. Tell her how proud you are for the way she handled herself (even if she didn't that well.
ALWAYS KEEP CALM!

Keep repeating these 3 for 2-3 months.
Over time it should show some improvement.
At some point it is time to introduce #4 which is to expect more from her.
At some point her negetive behaviors have become a bad habit she needs help kicking.
"I know you are so frustrated, but I believe in you and I know you can deal with this without overreacting".
If you must you can even make a contest. 5 times you react calmly, and use your words to deal with your feelings. we go out for ice cream.
This helps motivate the change she is really ready to make.
If any of these steps are difficult for you to deal with, there may be your own emotions coming into play affecting your ability to deal with the situation. You may need personal help with that.

Behatzlocha!
Back to top

SuperWify




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jun 22 2022, 12:00 pm
I’m reading Angry Max Learns to Relax with my 5 year old.
Back to top

amother




Snowdrop
 

Post Wed, Jun 22 2022, 12:02 pm
amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:
Books teach nothing ever. I wish people would save their money and let kids enjoy the imagination of 'the 3 little pigs'...
When we want to teach children a new way of modulating their emotions we need to be aware of a few things first.
Firstly, it doesn't get 'fixed overnight.
Secondly, are you contributing to her breakdowns by modeling extreme disappointing reactions? (Freaking out when someone leaves a mess etc)
And thirdly, have you ruled out all outside factors such as trauma etc.

Assuming all checks out clear, how can you support but not encourage your daughter thru a meltdown?

Try to imagine you're working on a project for work for several months. A pay raise and huge bonus is contingent on it's success.
How would you feel if someone ruined it all the evening before the presentation?
Suppose your dh looked at what happened, sees your tears and says, "whatever, just get over it."
Or "stop making a huge deal..."
So...
1.You need to show your daughter absolute and sincere empathy. Not distracted, and not superficial.
Take a moment to really show her you care. Tell her you do and how sorry you are. Think about all the words you might want to hear from dh and use them for her.
2. Ask her if she has any ideas on how to fix the situation.
She may need prompting at first so you can make suggestions like "do you think---------- would be helpful next time?" Don't push agendas on her just give her suggestions with a fair amount of respect and space for her own ideas.
3. Tell her how proud you are for the way she handled herself (even if she didn't that well.
ALWAYS KEEP CALM!

Keep repeating these 3 for 2-3 months.
Over time it should show some improvement.
At some point it is time to introduce #4 which is to expect more from her.
At some point her negetive behaviors have become a bad habit she needs help kicking.
"I know you are so frustrated, but I believe in you and I know you can deal with this without overreacting".
If you must you can even make a contest. 5 times you react calmly, and use your words to deal with your feelings. we go out for ice cream.
This helps motivate the change she is really ready to make.
If any of these steps are difficult for you to deal with, there may be your own emotions coming into play affecting your ability to deal with the situation. You may need personal help with that.

Behatzlocha!


What a great post, thanks! In my case, definitely my emotions come into play and affect my ability to deal with my kids. What will help me personally?
Back to top

amother




Fuchsia
 

Post Wed, Jun 22 2022, 12:07 pm
amother [ Snowdrop ] wrote:
What a great post, thanks! In my case, definitely my emotions come into play and affect my ability to deal with my kids. What will help me personally?

Depending how deep your issues are.
Sometimes it can be Noone ever gave you the time of day to listen to your problems and even though that should compel you to do more for your child, oddly enough it causes you to hold back.
Sometimes just talking about how you were neglected and sharing your hurt can help.
Sometimes it is much deeper and therapy is needed. But a great 1st step is recognizing and confronting!
Back to top

amother




Emerald
 

Post Wed, Jun 22 2022, 12:08 pm
SuperWify wrote:
I’m reading Angry Max Learns to Relax with my 5 year old.


Thanks for this suggestion.
Back to top

amother




Emerald
 

Post Wed, Jun 22 2022, 12:10 pm
amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:
Books teach nothing ever. I wish people would save their money and let kids enjoy the imagination of 'the 3 little pigs'...
When we want to teach children a new way of modulating their emotions we need to be aware of a few things first.
Firstly, it doesn't get 'fixed overnight.
Secondly, are you contributing to her breakdowns by modeling extreme disappointing reactions? (Freaking out when someone leaves a mess etc)
And thirdly, have you ruled out all outside factors such as trauma etc.

Assuming all checks out clear, how can you support but not encourage your daughter thru a meltdown?

Try to imagine you're working on a project for work for several months. A pay raise and huge bonus is contingent on it's success.
How would you feel if someone ruined it all the evening before the presentation?
Suppose your dh looked at what happened, sees your tears and says, "whatever, just get over it."
Or "stop making a huge deal..."
So...
1.You need to show your daughter absolute and sincere empathy. Not distracted, and not superficial.
Take a moment to really show her you care. Tell her you do and how sorry you are. Think about all the words you might want to hear from dh and use them for her.
2. Ask her if she has any ideas on how to fix the situation.
She may need prompting at first so you can make suggestions like "do you think---------- would be helpful next time?" Don't push agendas on her just give her suggestions with a fair amount of respect and space for her own ideas.
3. Tell her how proud you are for the way she handled herself (even if she didn't that well.
ALWAYS KEEP CALM!

Keep repeating these 3 for 2-3 months.
Over time it should show some improvement.
At some point it is time to introduce #4 which is to expect more from her.
At some point her negetive behaviors have become a bad habit she needs help kicking.
"I know you are so frustrated, but I believe in you and I know you can deal with this without overreacting".
If you must you can even make a contest. 5 times you react calmly, and use your words to deal with your feelings. we go out for ice cream.
This helps motivate the change she is really ready to make.
If any of these steps are difficult for you to deal with, there may be your own emotions coming into play affecting your ability to deal with the situation. You may need personal help with that.

Behatzlocha!



I agree with you that there are a lot of other things to work on, but I know for myself, that I was specifically interested in book suggestions as OP brought up as part of my work for my child because I do think incorporating stories as part of thinking about/working with feelings is helpful for many children, including my own.
Back to top

SuperWify




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jun 22 2022, 12:24 pm
amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:
Books teach nothing ever. I wish people would save their money and let kids enjoy the imagination of 'the 3 little pigs'...
When we want to teach children a new way of modulating their emotions we need to be aware of a few things first.
Firstly, it doesn't get 'fixed overnight.
Secondly, are you contributing to her breakdowns by modeling extreme disappointing reactions? (Freaking out when someone leaves a mess etc)
And thirdly, have you ruled out all outside factors such as trauma etc.

Assuming all checks out clear, how can you support but not encourage your daughter thru a meltdown?

Try to imagine you're working on a project for work for several months. A pay raise and huge bonus is contingent on it's success.
How would you feel if someone ruined it all the evening before the presentation?
Suppose your dh looked at what happened, sees your tears and says, "whatever, just get over it."
Or "stop making a huge deal..."
So...
1.You need to show your daughter absolute and sincere empathy. Not distracted, and not superficial.
Take a moment to really show her you care. Tell her you do and how sorry you are. Think about all the words you might want to hear from dh and use them for her.
2. Ask her if she has any ideas on how to fix the situation.
She may need prompting at first so you can make suggestions like "do you think---------- would be helpful next time?" Don't push agendas on her just give her suggestions with a fair amount of respect and space for her own ideas.
3. Tell her how proud you are for the way she handled herself (even if she didn't that well.
ALWAYS KEEP CALM!

Keep repeating these 3 for 2-3 months.
Over time it should show some improvement.
At some point it is time to introduce #4 which is to expect more from her.
At some point her negetive behaviors have become a bad habit she needs help kicking.
"I know you are so frustrated, but I believe in you and I know you can deal with this without overreacting".
If you must you can even make a contest. 5 times you react calmly, and use your words to deal with your feelings. we go out for ice cream.
This helps motivate the change she is really ready to make.
If any of these steps are difficult for you to deal with, there may be your own emotions coming into play affecting your ability to deal with the situation. You may need personal help with that.

Behatzlocha!


Excellent post. I will disagree that books teach nothing.

Books have helped my child tremendously. Off the top of my head- Let’s Stay Safe (he can list all the safety rules bh), Angry Max books, books that skills ect.
Back to top

amother




Slategray
 

Post Wed, Jun 22 2022, 12:27 pm
I like the SPOT series.
My spot of anxiety, etc
Back to top

amother




Fuchsia
 

Post Wed, Jun 22 2022, 12:56 pm
Sorry for saying books teach nothing.
They ARE a springboard to learning lessons.
I have seem too many people solely rely on books which is where my strong use of words stemmed from.
So I'll say Books CAN teach in tandem with healthy parenting 😉
Back to top
Recent Topics

Page 1 of 1 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Toddler Self Regulation Book
by amother
3 Yesterday at 6:07 am View last post
Fasting and emotional health question
by amother
16 Sun, Aug 07 2022, 11:47 am View last post
Emotional eating - HELP!
by amother
11 Fri, Jul 22 2022, 5:59 am View last post
Please help. How will I do it? (emotional post)
by amother
40 Tue, Jun 21 2022, 10:47 am View last post
Is it ever too late to "fix" the emotional damage you've don
by amother
14 Mon, May 23 2022, 11:37 pm View last post