How to approach tiktok and other social media

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 2:07 pm

I am a high school teacher and now my daughter is entering high school.
Over the past couple of days I immersed myself in all the social media accounts I could- tiktok, Instagram etc and wanted to expose myself to the life that teens are living nowadays

Firstly, for all those moms that allow their children to spend time on tiktok- my question is why?
After spending 2 hrs a day on tiktok for three days- I don’t think one can emerge as a healthy sane adult if they do that
The whole dancing is a fairy tale universe. These girls spend hours making these dances , dreaming they look as cool and casual and having a grand time like everyone else .

The sound tracks the girls are using ! Pure filth and trash- talking about relations any every second word is a curse .

The dances are all s-xual in nature- focusing on shaking your booty snd pushing forward your chest!

There is so much hate and judgement on tiktok I don’t know how any teen can withstand it

I am trying to look back at my teenage years, we all tested the limits and figured out our normal and our identity. Those that tested it with self sabatoging methods that could cause serious spiritual or physical harm, never really found a balanced normal

Now for the question
This is the reality, I am scared for future generations!! I think tiktok is detrimental . What’s the norm nowadays of allowing a child to figure themselves out and eventually finding a healthy normal. Constant exposure to tiktok is not like anything we did when we were teens!!! I need to strengthen my child to a point that they see the insanity of this as opposed to calling me an my values old fashioned.

Of course all chinuch boils down to relationships… wondering what approaches some of you have taken

On a similar note, what has been your child’s high schools approach to all this. (We all know that banning something doesn’t work)

For context , I am right wing Bais Yaakov style and we don’t listen to non Jewish music

amother

Amethyst

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 2:26 pm

Tik tok is not only dances. Unfortunately that’s the good stuff. There are tutorials on how to pleasure oneself, how to harm oneself, how to encourage eating disorders.. it is so completely toxic and dangerous. I believe if parents would really know and understand what it actually is and how the algorithm almost forced you to be on it for hours on end they would not allow their children near it. And I’m talking the secular world as well. Snap chat as well is dangerous. One of the things you can do is send a message be it a picture or text and once it’s read it’s not saved. So many many teens are sending and receiving very inappropriate things via that platform. I’m far from knowledgeable on this subject I really should be because I do have teens and constantly talk to them about the dangers of social media but they still find ways to go on. But I implore all adults to stop being so afraid or stop digging their heads in the sand and really try to understand how we as a society are ruining generations to come by allowing this in our lives

amother

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 2:49 pm

Thank you- I literally just spent 4 hrs scrolling through tiktok- that’s the extent of my education!
I have found lots of teens that I know on tiktok- wondering if their parents are clueless or are they consciously allowing it even knowing all the harm it can cause

amother

Alyssum

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 3:07 pm

Tiktok follows your interests. If it's showing you dances the algorithm detected that you expressed an interest in that. It reminds me very much of "bderech sh'adam rotze l'lech, molichin oso". My feed has zero dancing or inappropriate content. I have a mix of medical, scientific, mom content, cleaning/housekeeping, plus ADHD.

amother

Olive

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 3:09 pm

Also the ccp Chinese government vacuums up all the US data.

amother

Peony

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 4:03 pm

amother [ Alyssum ] wrote:

Very few teens, girls or boys, are interested in medical, scientific, mom, cleaning and ADHD content. The other stuff is their actual interests. And here’s where they find it. Uncensored.
She’s not talking about moms on TikTok.

amother

Alyssum

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 4:10 pm

amother [ Peony ] wrote:

I don't think teenagers should be on tiktok but I just wanted to clarify that she's not getting the whole picture of what tiktok is

Simple1

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 4:17 pm

My teens are not internet sheltered, but they are not on Tiktok. Hope this doesn't come across as judging, but trying to understand how a RW BY teacher would feel comfortable going on tiktok for hours a day, even if you want to educate yourself. You don't need to see more than half a minute to learn what it's all about. I refuse to download the app.

Last edited by Simple1 on Wed, Jun 22 2022, 4:21 pm; edited 3 times in total

amother

Papayawhip

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 4:19 pm

amother [ Alyssum ] wrote:

I don't think teenagers should be on tiktok but I just wanted to clarify that she's not getting the whole picture of what tiktok is

But she is getting the picture of what her students are doing on tiktok if they are posting these videos

amother

Slateblue

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 4:20 pm

Kids are on TikTok whether you like it or not. I thought I was so clever banning the app from my kids phones, only to discover that you can still find all these videos on Google.

I once found my son listening to a female music artist that I didn’t approve of. I sat him down and said I understood that, to him, secular music is important and I won’t take that away from him. But I begged him not to consume any art that demeaned women. Whether by having her on her own album cover half naked, or listening to music that called women names or talked about them in only one way. (Which we know what that is)

I don’t know if it helped or not, but I think telling your kids about damaging messages out there and what your values are, are far more impactful than banning TikTok and Instagram. With the last choice, you’re just making sure they do it behind your back.

amother

Sapphire

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 4:27 pm

This is really confusing. Why in the world would u give your kids access to this stuff. If they use internet you need strong filters (like tag helps u install) and an adult present and watching while it's in use. It's like giving yur kid a loaded gun and hoping they'll b safe with it. Where is the parental responsibility?!!!

amother

Alyssum

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 4:28 pm

amother [ Papayawhip ] wrote:

But she is getting the picture of what her students are doing on tiktok if they are posting these videos

Some students. I wouldn't say most. As a teenager I probably would have gotten a bunch of content regarding books, travel, and fascinating facts.

Sesame

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 5:12 pm

Rw by girls don’t normally have access to tik tok, so would it be such a problem if there’s no peer pressure to follow it and rather have to use it in secret?

amother

Tan

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 5:54 pm

Simple1 wrote:

Good for her for stepping out of her comfort zone so she can truly understand what the teens today are going through. And yea bais yaakov right wing girls too. Don’t kid urself.

Simple1

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 6:04 pm

amother [ Tan ] wrote:

Good for her for stepping out of her comfort zone so she can truly understand what the teens today are going through. And yea bais yaakov right wing girls too. Don’t kid urself.

But wouldn't she have to do it on a regular basis as technology is always changing?

To clarify what I asked previously, I can understand if she said she was going through a rough time and binged on stuff. I've been there before. It just seems strange to justify hours of watching junk just so you can educate yourself as a teacher.

amother

Tan

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 6:14 pm

Simple1 wrote:

Completely disagree. I really think she’s doing the right thing. You have to immerse urlsef to fully understand todays teens and how they are immersing themselves. She can check in every few months for a few min ot “keep up” now that she did the initial reaearch

amother

Slateblue

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 6:23 pm

Sesame wrote:

Rw by girls don’t normally have access to tik tok, so would it be such a problem if there’s no peer pressure to follow it and rather have to use it in secret?

Hahaha they’re mostly on there. My girls school bans smart phones entirely but my DC showed me they all have TikTok accounts.

amother

Marigold

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 6:29 pm

As a relatively young person (23) I find TikTok sickening, I’ve been on it a few times to see what the appeal is and I just don’t get it, most of the videos and trends are demeaning degrading, even the informative/ scientific ones are meaningless soundbites when they are made into such small videos when you can’t expand on any ideas raised. I’m not sure if I’m the anomaly seeing that I also don’t get the idea of Instagram.
I don’t think I’ll ever be going back to it, which is good because I guess the other option is that I would be totally addicted as I sometimes am on other sites.

Rubber Ducky

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 6:30 pm

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

Hahaha they’re mostly on there. My girls school bans smart phones entirely but my DC showed me they all have TikTok accounts.

That's really scary.

amother

Hosta

Wed, Jun 22 2022, 6:39 pm

Myself and my two young adult daughters (18 and 20) all have tiktok and none of us have any dancing or inappropriate content. One of my daughters gets 90% tiktoks by other artists, the other gets art, writing and book titoks, I get farm and home repair tiktoks. The app detects your interests and adjusts to that. That said, young teens should not be on tiktok at all and my girls were not on social media then. They started under supervision by me (all accounts were on my phone) once they were over 16 (it was Instagram then)

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