Does this sound concerning to you?

amother

Fri, Jun 24 2022, 12:34 pm

My son has leining lessons once a week for a half hour . The rabbi does it with him in his room because that’s the only quiet place. The door is not all the way closed. Our house is small and I’m always nearby. I never noticed anything strange except that one time the rebbe left the room with my son and said I’m taking him to get slurpees because he did so well. I thought it was weird that he didn’t ask us first. But anyways, today I forgot to tell my son that he had a lesson. He was playing video games in his room - today is his first day off school and he was very excited to just chill. So when the rebbe knocked on the door I ran to his room and was probably a bit frantic as I said - quick get ready, you have leining. Needless to say, he wasn’t happy. His room was a mess and he wasn’t wearing a shirt. He had to quickly get dressed and try and clean up while the rebbe waited in the foyer. I know this is my fault and I should have done this more gracefully. Anyways, he comes out of his room and mumbles that he can’t do it in his room because it’s too messy. I say ok, you can do it in the living room. Next thing I know, he disappears to the kitchen and when I check on him he is SOBBING and runs back to his room. I run after him and he says - I’m not doing it tell him to leave. So I apologize and he leaves. Now my son RARELY cries. He’s not an emotional kid. I haven’t seen him cry like this in years and years. Was very odd. I asked him to explain but he wasn’t very coherent. He kept saying how he was caught off guard, he was in the middle of a game, he was embarrassed, he wasn’t ready etc etc. but it seemed out of proportion. He said in general he gets nervous when the rebbe comes but when I asked if he does anything that makes him uncomfortable or unsafe he said no. I told him that he needs to tell me if he’s ever done anything and he said no no no. He just wants me to always give him advance notice if he’s coming.
Anyways, do you think this is cause for concern? Or just normal preteen behavior?

behappy2

Fri, Jun 24 2022, 12:54 pm

Seems normal to me. Kids are very self conscious of their appearance and room by extension.

If this happens again and he is prepared as usual that's when I would be concerned.

Right now I would just validate that it must have been hard and you're sorry about how it happened, that it's normal to feel uncomfortable if your room isn't neat, and that you're sure the rebbe has seen messy rooms with his own children etc...