"You probably wish you didn't have children"

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Sun, Jun 26 2022, 12:25 pm

If a child says this to a parent, does it mean that the parent is doing something terribly wrong?

amother

Eggplant

Sun, Jun 26 2022, 12:27 pm

Depending on the age of the child, he/she is probably being manipulative.

amother

Dandelion

Sun, Jun 26 2022, 12:27 pm

I wouldn’t say manipulative. I would say this child needs a lot of love and attention and reassurance

BrisketBoss

Sun, Jun 26 2022, 12:28 pm

Ummm we're gonna need a lot more context. Age of child, surrounding conversation, other relevant details.

amother

Salmon

Sun, Jun 26 2022, 12:36 pm

Sometimes it’s the child who is having issues

I’d say maybe it’s the parents fault if that statement is true and they’re making their children feel as such

amother

Natural

Sun, Jun 26 2022, 12:38 pm

feeling unloved and /or insecure.

amother

Broom

Sun, Jun 26 2022, 12:42 pm

If my child is saying that to me, I must be in mayor trouble.

amother

Gold

Sun, Jun 26 2022, 12:59 pm

As usual the answer is it depends.

My friends kids were fighting. They weren't dangerous and she decided that she won't get involved and let them fight this out alone. She was watching from the sidelines. Her little 4 year old said "Ma, if you didn't want to take care of us, you shouldn't have had kids." She was one of those kids that always had a sharp comment and knew how to get her way. Nice mother, great family, cute kids.... it's fine. It's years later and all is good bh.

So depends on context. But for sure reassure the kid how lucky you feel that you have her/ him as a child! My mom always used to say, I'm a millionaire because you are my kids...

socialbutterfly

Sun, Jun 26 2022, 1:00 pm

Perhaps this is an expression of shame. The child may feel that you are disappointed in them which leads to them coming to the conclusion that you regret having children.

mitzva

Sun, Jun 26 2022, 1:05 pm

amother [ Dandelion ] wrote:

I wouldn’t say manipulative. I would say this child needs a lot of love and attention and reassurance

very true. but every human being is hardwired with middos.
some become manipulative when they are in emotional pain.
some become cruel when they are in emotional pain.
a spade is a spade
and a fork is a fork
not the other way around.

amother

Steelblue

Sun, Jun 26 2022, 3:08 pm

My son used to say that he never wants to have kids because it's really hard. I wasn't coping and I guess it was pretty clear to him. He must have been around 9. He stopped saying it, which I'm taking as a compliment to my state of mental health!

amother

Clear

Sun, Jun 26 2022, 3:12 pm

I would work hard to make sure I did whatever was in my power to make sure my kid didn’t feel that way going forward while at the same time keeping in mind that sometimes kids are just hardwired (or soft wired) to pick up very subtle or subliminal things or even things that aren’t there, or to see things as black and white when they aren’t, and that after I’ve done my best, perhaps there’s a piece that’s out of my control. Speaking from experience as a parent of a child that has said similar.

professor

Sun, Jun 26 2022, 3:51 pm

It depends. Kids can say the darndest things... Sometimes I with I could go into my kids' brain and see what's going on there LOL

My son is a deep thinker and very phylosiphical and many times asked me if it's very hard to be a mother and just yesterday he asked "why is it so good to have children?" Which is a variation of this thread's title.

I absolutely love and adore my child and I think he knows it. He IS very sensitive, though, and takes it very personally when I am short tempered. So it could be that he just needs reassurance that he is loved.