Bringing along boys to the pool

amother

Clematis

Sun, Jun 26 2022, 10:29 pm

amother [ Lightyellow ] wrote:

I would be very uncomfortable at ladies hours if someone showed up with a five year old boy. In fact I’d be pretty upset with them.

I don't understand, 5 year olds don't have s-xual thoughts.

amother

Sun, Jun 26 2022, 10:34 pm

I guess I’ll find out what the rule is/ in my community bringing a five year old would not be a problem, but I wouldn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.

amother

Birch

Mon, Jun 27 2022, 12:14 am

amother [ Lightyellow ] wrote:

I would be very uncomfortable at ladies hours if someone showed up with a five year old boy. In fact I’d be pretty upset with them.

Why? 5 year olds are toddlers, how would that that affect you?

Congresswoman

Mon, Jun 27 2022, 1:39 am

It’s sickening that women view 5 year olds with a s-xual lens.

They are literally toddlers!

That’s what extreme gender segregation does to people.

Reality

Mon, Jun 27 2022, 2:01 am

Congresswoman wrote:

It’s sickening that women view 5 year olds with a s-xual lens.

They are literally toddlers!

That’s what extreme gender segregation does to people.

This has nothing to do with extreme gender segregation. I was a member of a pool that was in a MO shul. The rules clearly stated boys under 3 only allowed at women's swim.

I was shocked that their rules were so strict. They had plenty of other mixed activities.

amother

Whitesmoke

Mon, Jun 27 2022, 2:07 am

amother [ Birch ] wrote:

Why? 5 year olds are toddlers, how would that that affect you?

I would be uncomfortable with any child old enough to describe what he saw and make comments. I know that there is a wide range of maturity/precociousness with 5 year olds, but in general a 5 or 6 year old is considered observant enough to be a shomer for Yichud, and it would be out of my comfort zone to be not tznius in front of them.

amother

Wandflower

Mon, Jun 27 2022, 2:16 am

It has nothing to do with inappropriate thoughts or sx. It has everything to do with their ability to remember and communicate what they saw. 5 is not a toddler. It is a kindergarten (primary/pre 1st/whatever you call the grade before 1st grade!) age child. They arent babies.

amother

Ginger

Mon, Jun 27 2022, 3:00 am

amother [ Wandflower ] wrote:

I would be furious if a 9 year old boy came to womans swim. That is way too old and I would leave... but depending on if there is someone in charge/lifeguard etc I would make a comment and tell them that it is unacceptable to have womans swim but have boys old enough to have yichud issues with watching me in a swimsuit. It's just not appropriate.

Those are probably in communities where the women are very covered up. In my Chasidish community we are all very covered up with a swim dress so it's very different. Mother's stop bringing their boys when they feel it's not appropriate for their boys to be in the pool with other women. The women don't care. They dress appropriately. I wouldn't want little girls either to see me in a bathing suit.

amother

Narcissus

Mon, Jun 27 2022, 4:14 am

I would have your husband take them. He doesn't need to go in the pool- he can sit on the edge.
My husband doesn't know how to swim, but he can stand in the water and play with my kids. It's not about him- it's about the children.

amother

Aquamarine

Mon, Jun 27 2022, 4:21 am

In Israel, when I've gone separate swimming and wanted to take my little son, the rule has been in Chareidi pools, only until the upsheirin. In more modern places, for example, separate beaches no one will say anything until older - say 6.
I understand perfectly why 6ish and older boys are not welcome. At 6 a young boy can, and some do, point to breasts and ask what are they, or poke and giggle.
Nothing to do with women seeing them as s-xual beings. They can make women in bathing suits uncomfortable by their observations.

amother

Lilac

Mon, Jun 27 2022, 5:39 am

My 3-year-old daughter recently saw me change my shirt and told me that my chest is disgusting.

Five-year-old boys would be out of my comfort zone too.

amother

Emerald

Mon, Jun 27 2022, 6:23 am

Speak with your DH. Discuss with him that this is a fantastic time to bond with the boys. They can have swimming rings and stay near the shallow waters. Maybe they even have a smaller pool he can take them into. Do you know why he doesn't like the pool?

amother

Lightcoral

Mon, Jun 27 2022, 6:32 am

Why are people calling 5 year olds toddlers? That’s like calling 2 year old (actual toddlers) newborns

DrMom

Mon, Jun 27 2022, 6:35 am

amother [ Ginger ] wrote:

So there is separate swimming not only for men vs women but also adults vs kids?

When are little girls supposed to swim if they can't swim with any boys or men and they can't swim with adult women either? Are they just supposed to swim with other girls? What about safety, since apparently there can be no adult in the pool.

amother

Dill

Mon, Jun 27 2022, 6:56 am

DrMom wrote:

I think she is saying - she's not interested in anyone seeing her body - hence the swim dress.

amother

DarkCyan

Mon, Jun 27 2022, 7:34 am

All you guys who have a problem with a five year old boy seem to have a problem with five year olds In general. Doesn’t sound like boy problem. All 5 year olds talk with no filter. Guess what, so do 6 7 8 and sometimes 9 and 10 year old girls do as well. Do you bring your little girls to the pool?

a2z

Mon, Jun 27 2022, 7:45 am

amother [ DarkCyan ] wrote:

There's a slight difference between a girl telling over to her teacher/ counselor what she saw at the pool then a boy telling his rebbi, at least in my opinion

amother

Ivory

Mon, Jun 27 2022, 8:10 am

It's a halachic issue.
Ask your rov.

Personally, I wouldn't bring such big boys.
I've seen boys under age3 at a women's swim.
4-5 I would not bring

amother

Poppy

Mon, Jun 27 2022, 8:21 am

its not about feeling comfortable or not, its not about being dressed or not. There is an Halacha issue for your son to be in one pool with women, I would ask my rav this question.