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Has anyone ever done coaching -very high end - did it help?
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amother
Cyan


 

Post Tue, Jul 05 2022, 6:46 pm
Not_in_my_town wrote:
Thank you, but that is just your opinion.

I'm fully aware that he's a human being with flaws, but his advice has saved my husband from going off the derech, has literally helped turn my husband into a new kinder, caring person, given me a deeper understanding in human nature... He's given us structure in insight in a way that no one ever could. He unified our family and gave us a zest for life and Yiddishkeit.

Is he G-d? No. Is he Moshiach? Doubt it. Is he a tzadik? Probably not, but I don't know.

His advice works for my family. And that is worth whatever it costs.

You don't like it? No problem. Don't consult with him.

But I'll pay for what actually works.


Please read what I wrote again, I never said anything about him, I was just pointing out that on your end you may want to see if your appreciation for him is in a healthy realm and where that will lead you.
I’m so happy for you that you have someone helping you and you deserve only happiness, but the sequence of your posts alarm me.
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amother
Crocus


 

Post Tue, Jul 05 2022, 6:52 pm
amother [ Arcticblue ] wrote:
no not everyone can get free therapy at a clinic. people with Medicaid can. not everyone. sorry. big pet peeves of mine

I don't have medicaid but was able to pay the clinic $85 a session instead of paying a private therapist.
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amother
Crocus


 

Post Tue, Jul 05 2022, 6:53 pm
amother [ Eggplant ] wrote:
I agree with amother cyan.

A month ago, after your husband violently assaulted you, you had clarity and were ready to leave your marriage.
Your husband was on board, too. However a Rav convinced him, against what both of you wanted, to give it another chance.
Same rav by any chance?

Since the you have been posting Long rosy messages about how rosy everything is.

Change needs to be lasting before you can actually call it change.

The whole situation doesn't sound stable.

Wishing you real long term healing.

Your post is mean.
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cupcake123




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 05 2022, 6:54 pm
We dont know not in my towns life based on a few posts !

Why on earth would someone advise her against what shes doing if she seems happy and is saying it works for her.

I'm rooting for you not in my town!
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amother
Banana


 

Post Tue, Jul 05 2022, 6:57 pm
mha3484 wrote:
To add to Blueberry, the few professions that can charge that much like certain types of lawyers or doctors can show you the cases they have won or how many times they have treated your particular disease and you can research these people get references etc.

I feel like therapy or coaching is too personal and too subjective to really know when you sign up if this person will help you. So it becomes a really expensive guessing game.


To add to this, Dr. Spend and of time 7+ years and even more money perfecting their skill, and if they are a surgeon they need to go in front of boards before they can start practicing.
It is in no way equal to a coach who makes up their education without any check, Licensing or balance.
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amother
Eggplant


 

Post Tue, Jul 05 2022, 7:06 pm
amother [ Crocus ] wrote:
Your post is mean.


I'm really not trying to be mean.

I am in heavy marriage therapy right now.
It's one step forward two steps back.
Real long lasting change doesn't happen overnight. The tone of her posts is alarming, though. To go from one extreme to another is alarming.

I wish her long-term, long-lasting healing.

She really seems to deserve it.
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amother
Eggplant


 

Post Tue, Jul 05 2022, 7:07 pm
cupcake123 wrote:
We dont know not in my towns life based on a few posts !

Why on earth would someone advise her against what shes doing if she seems happy and is saying it works for her.

I'm rooting for you not in my town!


I'm also rooting for her!

To have long term long lasting peace and healing!
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amother
Lime


 

Post Tue, Jul 05 2022, 7:14 pm
mha3484 wrote:
To add to Blueberry, the few professions that can charge that much like certain types of lawyers or doctors can show you the cases they have won or how many times they have treated your particular disease and you can research these people get references etc.

I feel like therapy or coaching is too personal and too subjective to really know when you sign up if this person will help you. So it becomes a really expensive guessing game.


Agree with you about the expensive guessing game. It’s so upsetting and frustrating.
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amother
Eggplant


 

Post Tue, Jul 05 2022, 7:14 pm
amother [ Banana ] wrote:
To add to this, Dr. Spend and of time 7+ years and even more money perfecting their skill, and if they are a surgeon they need to go in front of boards before they can start practicing.
It is in no way equal to a coach who makes up their education without any check, Licensing or balance.


The training for a dr who does open heart surgery (usually a cardiothoracic surgeon) is minimum 4 years undergraduate + 4 years medical school and 6-9 years training AFTER medical school. They also make a lot more than $100/hour.
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amother
Arcticblue


 

Post Tue, Jul 05 2022, 7:19 pm
amother [ Crocus ] wrote:
I don't have medicaid but was able to pay the clinic $85 a session instead of paying a private therapist.


that I believe. it's the the poster said free and 85 dollars an hour is better then many private therapists but definitely not free.
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amother
Cyan


 

Post Tue, Jul 05 2022, 7:23 pm
amother [ Eggplant ] wrote:
I'm really not trying to be mean.

I am in heavy marriage therapy right now.
It's one step forward two steps back.
Real long lasting change doesn't happen overnight. The tone of her posts is alarming, though. To go from one extreme to another is alarming.

I wish her long-term, long-lasting healing.

She really seems to deserve it.


I don’t think it was mean. It is concerning.
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#BestBubby




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 05 2022, 7:32 pm
amother [ Gray ] wrote:
"Coach" is a vague and ridiculous term. It means absolutely nothing. You dont need a training course, licensing, or any education or supervision minimums. Anyone can be a coach. These schools can teach whatever they want there is no oversight.
Guess what? My 6 year old is now a coach. Because I created a school yesterday and printed off her certificate this morning. My 4 year old neighbors kid got it without even signing up for a course- he is "that advanced".
They dont need to protect your confidentiality. There are no legal or ethical guidelines. They can say they specialize in anything because it is meaningless and no one can call them out on it And no licensing boards to punish the bad apples.

Anyone charging that much cannot provide services to match their price. Especially if they have no actual qualifications.


Your 6 y.o. can call himself a coach, but no one will hire him.

But people do HIRE Life Coaches, who are highly recommended and have a track record of success.

There are people who don't have a "license" but have taken courses, done their own research
and self teaching, and have a natural "chush" (talent) for their field.

Before Therapy was the style many people were helped by Rabbonim who would do
marriage counseling and some general counseling.

Rebbitzens also did this.

And some were excellent.

And some licensed professionals are downright dangerous.
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amother
Seagreen


 

Post Tue, Jul 05 2022, 7:53 pm
amother [ Bone ] wrote:
Have zero experience or connection to the field. No skin in the game. I actually work in a very evidence based scientific career and that is my frame of reference.
But I don’t understand this idea of charging a fortune to be shameful and that they “get away with it” as if they are wrong.
As long as fees are upfront and transparent, no one is cheating or pulling a fast one on anyone. It is the customer’s choice to use a coach and pay the fees or not. If no one thought this was worthwhile, no one would get away with charging these prices.
And really, how is this any different that a niche photographer, party planner, shaddchan…
There are just certain specific professions and specialties that work this way and it is what it is.
Take it or leave it.
But why is it immoral for someone very talented in this area to charge what the market will sustain? (And guess what, there ARE certain oncologists, speech therapists, rehab specialists who only take cash/refuse to deal with insurance and charge crippling fees as well).


I totally agree with you.

And the reason they don’t have a cap on income is because they’re entrepreneurs — they’re not a doctor employed by a a hospital.

Trust me, if that heart doc who makes 120/hour worked for himself and was popular, he’d raise prices every year just like the therapist does.

If there was a glut of incredible therapists, pricing would drop.

Supply and demand.
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Not_in_my_town




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 05 2022, 8:51 pm
amother [ Eggplant ] wrote:
I agree with amother cyan.

A month ago, after your husband violently assaulted you, you had clarity and were ready to leave your marriage.
Your husband was on board, too. However a Rav convinced him, against what both of you wanted, to give it another chance.
Same rav by any chance?

Since the you have been posting Long rosy messages about how rosy everything is.

Change needs to be lasting before you can actually call it change.

The whole situation doesn't sound stable.

Wishing you real long term healing.


Alright, I really don't have to explain myself but I will.

My husband didn't violent assault me; he jumped on me, crying and pinned me to the bed. He was in a moment of intense pain, but it wasn't violent. He thought that I would cry together with him. In that moment, he turned into a baby, who was desperately clinging to his "mommy". I didn't feel unsafe. I felt the situation was ridiculous, but it wasn't dangerous.

I had every right to walk out of the marriage, but then I realized that I have more strength inside of me than I previously realized. Here's the bottom line: Many people who behave badly have their own traumas. And yes, I could have walked out, saying his traumas are not my concern. Rabbi Friedman even encouraged me to do so, if I felt I reached the point of "I can't."

But then when I went to go look at an apartment, I froze, and started thinking, started imagining my husband's pain and the fact the crisis finally forced him to wake up and really change.

Think about it:

His father was murdered, his adoptive father abused him, his mother threw him down a flight of stairs... He had so much pain and it was never dealt with. Finally, when he melted down into a little baby, he was so vulnerable that all of his brokenness came out. And he was ready to start rebuilding.

He is working like I've never seen anyone work before. Admitting where he was wrong, asking for advice and guidance, and doing whatever it takes to become healthy. All of his workmates have noticed a change. In all of his relationships he finally is feeling and thinking about others instead of himself.

Are things perfect and rosey? Absolutely not. I'm still emotionally closed to him. But I realize that I'm capable of more than just walking away when he's finally ready to change.

There are two MEs: The lower, animalistic me who could run away and start over.

Or the higher me: The one who says, hey, this really sucked, but it forced us to re-evaluate and re-align and deal with all the trauma we've been handed throughout our lives.

There is a slow rebuilding of the relationship with complete rebuilding of the people.

Do I love him? Not as a husband. That will be a long time in coming, but he's working hard to earn respect. And that is a very redeeming quality.

At the end of the day I realized that I had my own defiency: The inability to see his side of the story.

And my compassion has grown. No, he can't get away with bad behavior, but at this point, he doesn't want.

He went from being a person who thought only of himself -- because he was in survival mode, to THINKING for the first time in his entire life. He's asking questions such as: What does Hashem want from me? Why am I here? Am I fulfilling His Will? Am I being the best person I can be? How can I be a better husband?

His change is real, and yes, there will be bumps, but he's been through the grinder, realizing that every false sense of security he built up with all his defense mechanisms led him only to sad places. And that by dropping the defenses and communicating respectfully, he will only gain.

You see, thing about imamother and other message boards is that you only see snippets of a story; you don't actually see the flesh and blood behind it. You certainly don't see their eyes and what they express. Don't see the way they speak, you don't feel the changes in their behavior.

Imamother is a very one dimensional place, in which it is extremely easy to draw false conclusions based on the few puzzle pieces you have. So yes, I can understand how you can be concerned. But there is no reason for concern. My husband is not a narcissist; he is a person who suffered terribly and was completely neglected in dealing with his own issues. He didn't even know HOW to. He didn't even KNOW he had issues. He thought he was okay. And now he knows he's not. And he's working hard. That is commendable. I support that.


Last edited by Not_in_my_town on Tue, Jul 05 2022, 8:54 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Blueberry


 

Post Tue, Jul 05 2022, 8:54 pm
amother [ Seagreen ] wrote:
I totally agree with you.

And the reason they don’t have a cap on income is because they’re entrepreneurs — they’re not a doctor employed by a a hospital.

Trust me, if that heart doc who makes 120/hour worked for himself and was popular, he’d raise prices every year just like the therapist does.

If there was a glut of incredible therapists, pricing would drop.

Supply and demand.


Imagine if all doctors would charge $500 each visit, no insurance. People would be screaming how dare they not help sick people, and try to take advantage of people that are desperate. For some reason this is ok for social workers to do.
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amother
Crocus


 

Post Tue, Jul 05 2022, 9:00 pm
amother [ Blueberry ] wrote:
Imagine if all doctors would charge $500 each visit, no insurance. People would be screaming how dare they not help sick people, and try to take advantage of people that are desperate. For some reason this is ok for social workers to do.

There are doctors like that. When I was very ill and the specialists were sending me on a wild goose chase, I took money I didn't have and went to see someone top of the line who doesn't take most insurances and paid cash. BH he helped me tremendously and after 3 visits he transfered my care to another doctor he recommended that took my insurance now that I had the appropriate diagnosis and medical plan.
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Not_in_my_town




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 05 2022, 9:01 pm
amother [ Blueberry ] wrote:
Imagine if all doctors would charge $500 each visit, no insurance. People would be screaming how dare they not help sick people, and try to take advantage of people that are desperate. For some reason this is ok for social workers to do.


There are plenty of doctors who don't take insurances and charge a pretty penny.

If you want someone's expertise -- specifically them and their skill set -- you pay.

Because you are not paying for their time; you are paying for their unique talents that they've spent years honing through life experience and training.

Some people pay for brand name purses or shoes; some people pay for brand name coaches who have legitimately earned their reputation.

You choose what is important in life.

I choose to spend my money on wisdom. Brand name clothing? To me, that's a waste of money.
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amother
Blueberry


 

Post Tue, Jul 05 2022, 9:05 pm
Not_in_my_town wrote:
There are plenty of doctors who don't take insurances and charge a pretty penny.

If you want someone's expertise -- specifically them and their skill set -- you pay.

Because you are not paying for their time; you are paying for their unique talents that they've spent years honing through life experience and training.

Some people pay for brand name purses or shoes; some people pay for brand name coaches who have legitimately earned their reputation.

You choose what is important in life.

I choose to spend my money on wisdom. Brand name clothing? To me, that's a waste of money.


And some people who are desperate for help just don't have the money to pay those exorbitant prices. And they don't have brand name clothing either. And honestly, I am not saying these things because I need therapy and can't afford it and I am therefore bitter. I legit feel so bad when I hear there prices for the people that really need help and just can't afford it .
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amother
Blueberry


 

Post Tue, Jul 05 2022, 9:06 pm
amother [ Crocus ] wrote:
There are doctors like that. When I was very ill and the specialists were sending me on a wild goose chase, I took money I didn't have and went to see someone top of the line who doesn't take most insurances and paid cash. BH he helped me tremendously and after 3 visits he transfered my care to another doctor he recommended that took my insurance now that I had the appropriate diagnosis and medical plan.


3 visits is different than an endless amount of sessions with a coach or therapist.
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Not_in_my_town




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Jul 05 2022, 9:09 pm
amother [ Blueberry ] wrote:
And some people who are desperate for help just don't have the money to pay those exorbitant prices. And they don't have brand name clothing either. And honestly, I am not saying these things because I need therapy and can't afford it and I am therefore bitter. I legit feel so bad when I hear there prices for the people that really need help and just can't afford it .


I say this gently and with love:
If they needed that specific help, Hashem would give them the ability to pay those prices. If they can't afford it, the door is closed and it means their yeshua is meant to come from somewhere else.

In my case, we NEEDED Rabbi Friedman's wisdom to straighten us both out and get us both on the same page religiously and on the path healing. He was the only one who has been able to help us, after having so much bad advice from multiple others. And yes, Hashem gave us the money to pay for weekly meetings with him, baruch Hashem, bli ayin hara.

Hashem orchestrates events in the best way possible for our individual selves.
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