Has anyone ever done coaching -very high end - did it help?

amother

Wandflower

Tue, Jul 05 2022, 9:18 pm

I’m a well known photographer.

I’ve paid photography coaches $500 an hour. I paid a frum one $400 an hour.

Both of them offered pre and post consults via email, meaning I sent them a detailed email about my questions and choices prior to the call, and followed up by responding to questions I emailed after the call. So it wasn’t just an hour of their time, perhaps 2-5 hours?

Why wouldn’t I pay this?

One person’s experience and advice helped me earn tens of thousands of additional dollars that year!

One persons experience and advice enabled me to save many hours of editing time that year!

I’m all for high priced coaches who can help with a specific niche need, such as business advice for photographers, from someone who’s been there, done that! Maybe I’ll become one too!

amother

Gray

Tue, Jul 05 2022, 9:49 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

Your 6 y.o. can call himself a coach, but no one will hire him.

But people do HIRE Life Coaches, who are highly recommended and have a track record of success.

There are people who don't have a "license" but have taken courses, done their own research
and self teaching, and have a natural "chush" (talent) for their field.

Before Therapy was the style many people were helped by Rabbonim who would do
marriage counseling and some general counseling.

Rebbitzens also did this.

And some were excellent.

And some licensed professionals are downright dangerous.

Do you know that a Rav or life coach or any of these uncertified people can legally tell anyone who they see, what their issues are, and any of their deepest darkest secrets? Can stick it on the front page of Ami? Can blab to their spouse?
They have no legal requirements to follow.
"Natural talent" messes up a lot of people I know.
A friends coach/mentor/rebetzin told her it's ok her husband drank too much and wasnt there for the kids. And that it is normal for men to drink until they are very drunk, be irresponsible, neglect the kids... "because he needs an outlet".
Another friend was told to enable her husband's abuse to "be a good wife".
I could go on.

Anyone can create such a course. It is meaningless. No one will hire my 6 year old but they may hire the lady down the block who claims to have been in the field for years (what does that mean even?), who can falsely advertise their experience, who can misrepresent their "training", and can pretend to specialize in anything they want.

However if a licensed therapist breaks confidentiality or violates any legal requirement-- you can report them or sue them depending on what happened.

amother

Jetblack

Tue, Jul 05 2022, 10:10 pm

amother [ Wandflower ] wrote:

Did you pay $500 for 2 - 5 hours of time or you paid $500 for each of the hours? That is a difference of 2500 or 1000 or 5000. If it was $500 for 5 hours its $100 an hour which is very reasonable.

amother

Blushpink

Tue, Jul 05 2022, 10:15 pm

Here's another perspective. I've heard it called the "F it" pricing. This is for someone who is burnt out working or whose time is very precious. They set an almost ridiculous price - $500. The reasoning is: it will weed out whoever isn't desperate enough to want their services and thus to follow through. And it's a good enough incentive to do private coaching at that price point.

These people already put in their $100/hour time. It's not their obligation to help you. I have paid 3k each for several courses from big business names. Their one on one prices are in the thousands.

amother

Sand

Tue, Jul 05 2022, 10:26 pm

amother [ Wandflower ] wrote:

Can you recommend coaches? How did you decide to trust them and jump in, how did you choose?

amother

Lemon

Wed, Jul 06 2022, 12:17 am

Has anybody ever used Charlie Harari for business coaching or more like growth and development?

amother

Glitter

Wed, Jul 06 2022, 1:28 am

Not to this extent, but I know someone who is an expert in her field and she raised her price just so people would take her more seriously. When she charged the mid-range people thought she was overcharging for okay service, but now that she’s “high end” they trust her more.

ShishKabob

Wed, Jul 06 2022, 12:53 pm

amother [ Cyan ] wrote:

I say this in the nicest way possible, I don’t think your adulation of him is healthy. I think you’re being very blinded based on your posts.

I think that she looks at him like he was her life preserver. I don't think it's unhealthy at this point. She is acknowledging what a powerful and important impact he has had on her life. And she is very grateful for that.

amother

Gladiolus

Wed, Jul 06 2022, 1:36 pm

amother [ Gray ] wrote:

The coaches I worked with signed contracts stating that neither the coach nor the client would disclose info. Yes you can sue someone who violates a legal contract. It’s true hipaa doesn’t apply but a contract offers similar protection.

amother

Antiquewhite

Wed, Jul 06 2022, 1:50 pm

amother [ Cyan ] wrote:

I say this in the nicest way possible, I don’t think your adulation of him is healthy. I think you’re being very blinded based on your posts.

I thought the same but didn't want to say anything because I understand your words will not make even the slightest dent in her thinking since she's so sold on his advice.

I do wish much luck to her, lasting happiness and a joyous life ahead.

amother

Antiquewhite

Wed, Jul 06 2022, 1:56 pm

amother [ Antiquewhite ] wrote:

I'm saying the above as someone whom it took over 10 years to heal from a cult like relationship with a marriage coach. My history makes me keen at catching unhealthy relationships and brain washing with mentors. Of course I'm not saying this is c"v the case with her. I certainly don't have enough information to make such a claim at all.

amother

Gray

Wed, Jul 06 2022, 2:00 pm

amother [ Gladiolus ] wrote:

Maybe it is Better than nothing but HIPAA allows the client to reveal info.
Why have a contract that prohibits the client from revealing info like who they are seeing?
HIPAA is also standardized. A contract is something that each provider has to do on their own. Do you get to review it with a lawyer? Do you want to spend the money reviewing it? Because do you know what you are signing or if (as a lawyer friend I know says) "the contract is so poorly written any halfway decent lawyer can drive a truck through it"? Which means the provider can break it and you have nothing to sue them on.
Do you also want the expense of using vs you just reporting to the licensing board for free? And easier to get contingency based attorney for a HIPAA violation than a contract one. HIPAA is standard and the same for everyone ...

amother

Blushpink

Wed, Jul 06 2022, 2:15 pm

amother [ Gray ] wrote:

This post doesn't make sense. In the business world there are contracts written by real lawyers. Of course you can review it on your end if you so desire.

amother

Bluebell

Wed, Jul 06 2022, 4:19 pm

deleted

Not_in_my_town

Wed, Jul 06 2022, 4:20 pm

ShishKabob wrote:

Exactly.

Not_in_my_town

Wed, Jul 06 2022, 4:26 pm

amother [ Antiquewhite ] wrote:

It amazing how brainwashable you assume me to be.
Happens to be that I've challenged him on certain things he said. I don't accept things blindly any more. And there are certain things I've told him straight out that I'm not sold on.

But other things have proven themselves. And yes, I do think he has exceptional wisdom, but he is also a fallible human being. I don't put my faith in him, but I do believe his wisdom exceeds mine and his advice has largely been spot on.

People and life are both very nuanced. I'm not an innocent, naive child who is blindly trusting. I am a thinking human being who is evaluating the advice I am given for what it is worth. And if it doesn't make sense, I ask the question why. The answer is either because it doesn't shtim with with I know, and the question must then be asked: Do I know everything or is my knowledge lacking?

Is the lack with the advice or the knowledge?

A person needs to always be thinking and growing. And I believe I am doing that.

If you don't like what you've heard of his advice, it's either because you don't need his advice in your life at this point, you don't correctly understand his advice, or you have your own blockages that preclude you from accepting his advice. For those of us who do need his advice, he is a tremendous shaliach from Hashem, and for that we are very thankful.

May we all be exposed to gutte shluchim who push us to become better, broader, more thinking human beings.

Not_in_my_town

Wed, Jul 06 2022, 4:32 pm

And by the way, if you choose to criticize my intellect or emotional stability, please do it publicly, with your user name. I'm honest person who put my struggles out in the open in order to gain from the wisdom of others.

Someone who shares their negative viewpoints and opinions under the cloak of anonymity is not a person who is interested in growth; they are only interested in putting other people down.

A sign of intellectual curiosity and respect for other humans beings is having the guts to address issues in a gentle, conversational manner under your own name.

The only thing I can think is that you are just a hater when you try to write me off under "amother."

It makes it very hard to respect your opinion when it's just a punch in the dark.

Bleemee

Wed, Jul 06 2022, 5:48 pm

amother [ Gladiolus ] wrote:

What info can’t the client disclose?

amother

NeonBlue

Wed, Jul 06 2022, 5:57 pm

Not_in_my_town wrote:

If you don't like what you've heard of his advice, it's either because you don't need his advice in your life at this point, you don't correctly understand his advice, or you have your own blockages that preclude you from accepting his advice.

Or because his direction is just incorrect sometimes.

amother

NeonBlue

Wed, Jul 06 2022, 5:59 pm

Not_in_my_town wrote:

Alright, I really don't have to explain myself but I will.

My husband didn't violent assault me; he jumped on me, crying and pinned me to the bed. He was in a moment of intense pain, but it wasn't violent. He thought that I would cry together with him. In that moment, he turned into a baby, who was desperately clinging to his "mommy". I didn't feel unsafe. I felt the situation was ridiculous, but it wasn't dangerous.

I had every right to walk out of the marriage, but then I realized that I have more strength inside of me than I previously realized. Here's the bottom line: Many people who behave badly have their own traumas. And yes, I could have walked out, saying his traumas are not my concern. Rabbi Friedman even encouraged me to do so, if I felt I reached the point of "I can't."

But then when I went to go look at an apartment, I froze, and started thinking, started imagining my husband's pain and the fact the crisis finally forced him to wake up and really change.

Think about it:

His father was murdered, his adoptive father abused him, his mother threw him down a flight of stairs... He had so much pain and it was never dealt with. Finally, when he melted down into a little baby, he was so vulnerable that all of his brokenness came out. And he was ready to start rebuilding.

He is working like I've never seen anyone work before. Admitting where he was wrong, asking for advice and guidance, and doing whatever it takes to become healthy. All of his workmates have noticed a change. In all of his relationships he finally is feeling and thinking about others instead of himself.

Are things perfect and rosey? Absolutely not. I'm still emotionally closed to him. But I realize that I'm capable of more than just walking away when he's finally ready to change.

There are two MEs: The lower, animalistic me who could run away and start over.

Or the higher me: The one who says, hey, this really sucked, but it forced us to re-evaluate and re-align and deal with all the trauma we've been handed throughout our lives.

There is a slow rebuilding of the relationship with complete rebuilding of the people.

Do I love him? Not as a husband. That will be a long time in coming, but he's working hard to earn respect. And that is a very redeeming quality.

At the end of the day I realized that I had my own defiency: The inability to see his side of the story.

And my compassion has grown. No, he can't get away with bad behavior, but at this point, he doesn't want.

He went from being a person who thought only of himself -- because he was in survival mode, to THINKING for the first time in his entire life. He's asking questions such as: What does Hashem want from me? Why am I here? Am I fulfilling His Will? Am I being the best person I can be? How can I be a better husband?

His change is real, and yes, there will be bumps, but he's been through the grinder, realizing that every false sense of security he built up with all his defense mechanisms led him only to sad places. And that by dropping the defenses and communicating respectfully, he will only gain.

You see, thing about imamother and other message boards is that you only see snippets of a story; you don't actually see the flesh and blood behind it. You certainly don't see their eyes and what they express. Don't see the way they speak, you don't feel the changes in their behavior.

Imamother is a very one dimensional place, in which it is extremely easy to draw false conclusions based on the few puzzle pieces you have. So yes, I can understand how you can be concerned. But there is no reason for concern. My husband is not a narcissist; he is a person who suffered terribly and was completely neglected in dealing with his own issues. He didn't even know HOW to. He didn't even KNOW he had issues. He thought he was okay. And now he knows he's not. And he's working hard. That is commendable. I support that.

This is all about him. But where are you?
It isn’t your job to fix him.

Is this how it will be forever? You picking up his pieces?
When will someone take care of you and your needs?