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Forum
-> Inquiries & Offers
-> Israel related Inquiries & Aliyah Questions
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amother
OP
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 Thu, Jul 07 2022, 8:17 am
Son is seriously considering marrying an Israeli girl
I want to know what I'm in for
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amother
OP
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Thu, Jul 07 2022, 8:22 am
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for context the girl in question is a chasidish girl
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Bnei Berak 10
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Thu, Jul 07 2022, 8:22 am
Yeshivish? MO? etc
Are you ashkenazi? Sfardi? What about the girl?
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amother
OP
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Thu, Jul 07 2022, 8:25 am
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my son learned in a chasidish yeshiva
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ShishKabob
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Thu, Jul 07 2022, 8:26 am
I don't know if they're 'raised' differently but they definitely have a different culture. They have other expectations. They have different standards. They look at things differently.
It's also very different if the parents are American or European. Then you can expect them not to have SUCH a different culture, although of course there still will be some differences.
I thing that in Israel there is so much more polarization between groups. There's a big emphasis on which chassidus you belong to , more than here. There's so much to it, however, if a girl has good middos, I think it probably shouldn't be a problem.
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amother
Firebrick
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Thu, Jul 07 2022, 8:31 am
im in Israel and chassidish.
It depends if the family is american israeli or israeli. You cam PM me or call me for info.
Last edited by amother on Thu, Jul 07 2022, 8:32 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother
OP
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Thu, Jul 07 2022, 8:31 am
that was helpful shishkabob. thanks
I appreciate the offer abound but dont want to out myself.
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amother
Peony
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Thu, Jul 07 2022, 9:13 am
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I’m Israeli live in America. The mentality is very different and I miss Israeli mentality. It’s very different. I suffer here. Where are they going to live?
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amother
OP
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Thu, Jul 07 2022, 9:17 am
oy
how do you suffer?
they were thinking Bet Shemesh
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amother
Peony
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Thu, Jul 07 2022, 10:01 am
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | oy
how do you suffer?
they were thinking Bet Shemesh |
The mentality is very different and I can’t connect with Americans only with israelies here which are not many.
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amother
Melon
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Thu, Jul 07 2022, 10:04 am
| ShishKabob wrote: | I don't know if they're 'raised' differently but they definitely have a different culture. They have other expectations. They have different standards. They look at things differently.
It's also very different if the parents are American or European. Then you can expect them not to have SUCH a different culture, although of course there still will be some differences.
I thing that in Israel there is so much more polarization between groups. There's a big emphasis on which chassidus you belong to , more than here. There's so much to it, however, if a girl has good middos, I think it probably shouldn't be a problem. |
In America there's the galus mentality of being happy to see another Jew. Jews in America are all different from Americans so they feel closer with each other if that makes sense. In Israel the minutest difference between one group and the other is noticed and it's an issue. When there was fighting on the street in Gur a not frum Israeli asked how can you tell which person belongs to which group. He looked puzzled when the answer was they all look exactly the same but they know who belongs to which side.
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#BestBubby
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Thu, Jul 07 2022, 10:04 am
The Gemara says it is a blessing to marry someone from the same "Shevet and City"
So cultural differences can make marriage more difficult.
If I had other options, I would not take a foreign shidduch.
But if one is older, or has other difficulties, than one must be more open.
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amother
OP
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Thu, Jul 07 2022, 10:49 am
interesting perspective Besty Bubby
thanks for chiming in
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amother
Mocha
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Thu, Jul 07 2022, 3:25 pm
OP, hashm should help everything
זאל זיך פירן צום גוטן
I love my out of town daughter-in-law but let her know soon after marriage that there is no BADMOUTHING AMERICANS..
be kind and nice and understanding but dont fall into the trap of thinking that life was harder for her
than your American daughter-in-law.
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amother
Gold
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Thu, Jul 07 2022, 3:37 pm
Israelis tend to be very close knit and family oriented.
The lifestyle standards will likely be very different.
You'll both have to roll with the punches and put in extra effort to understand each other.
Apart from that, there is no reason for it not to work.
Put it this way, if there is more in common (chasidus, good midos, common goals, similar schooling) than there is different there is no reason for it not to work. If you are from the same chasidus, you might even find that the mentality gap is not so huge because you will have similar goals, sheifos, and rabonim.
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amother
Mocha
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Thu, Jul 07 2022, 3:38 pm
an Israeli daughter-in-law (if she did not grow up attending על טהרות הקודש school system)
will have no concept of how much you scrimped and saved to pay your childs tuition.
she might have no concept of how much it costed to dress him up (basic clothing is 1/4 of the price in Israeli), no matter how you slice the pie.
they have no concept of what traveling/transportation entails in terms of time, money, car expenses etc. (the northern tip of Israel is five hours from the southern tip).
They have never faced the school/yeshiva shortage crisis that we in the States face...
vacationing in Israel costs less, is much closer to home, and is much more frum friendly....believe it or not, she may be spoilt in this area
in short, they come with a mentality that the maloch of agmas nefesh has skipped us....
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