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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Infants
Youngest you would leave a baby?
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amother
Magnolia


 

Post Thu, Jul 07 2022, 4:31 pm
I was hospitalized twice before my baby was 7 weeks. Pumped every 3 hours and sent it to him. He’s just fine now
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amother
Junglegreen


 

Post Thu, Jul 07 2022, 5:20 pm
amother [ Magnolia ] wrote:
I was hospitalized twice before my baby was 7 weeks. Pumped every 3 hours and sent it to him. He’s just fine now


I think it's different to leave a baby that age for an emergency and for pleasure. You had no choice so you did it. I wouldn't leave such a tiny baby if it wasn't absolutely necessary.
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amother
Camellia


 

Post Thu, Jul 07 2022, 5:28 pm
Not under 18 months, preferably closer to or over 2.
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HonesttoGod




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 07 2022, 5:41 pm
amother [ Tiffanyblue ] wrote:
Now I am. I wasn't always. And I'm still mad at myself that I left my babies. Even if my mom was their sitter. I still feel guilty.
But, babies get used to the schedule that they get dropped off and picked up every day. It's not the same as parents suddenly disappearing overnight or for afew days.


You know that you sound very privileged right? Many if not most women HAVE to leave their babies all day by a babysitter their baby does not know at the beginning and is not family.
Many if not most mothers do this until their “babies” move out the house if not longer.

I have a few kids. One I left at 10 months old with a family member over Shabbas so I could have much needed quiet time for various reasons. Said child is no different to my other kids in regards to attachment.

Op if you want to have an attached baby then no. Don’t leave him/her. If you need the getaway for your sanity then 3-4 days left with someone they know from when they no longer nurse is not going to harm them.
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English3




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 07 2022, 5:45 pm
I would never leave a nursing baby overnight unless it's an emergency. I think its cruel to the baby and to the poor babysitter that has to deal with a screaming baby. I generally nurse so it's usually when they are 15 months plus.
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gr82no




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 07 2022, 5:48 pm
Everyone who is saying not younger than 18m what do u do next time you give birth? Or you make sure not to have them too close to each other?
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English3




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 07 2022, 5:50 pm
gr82no wrote:
Everyone who is saying not younger than 18m what do u do next time you give birth? Or you make sure not to have them too close to each other?

Giving birth is definitely not on my vacation list LOL we ar talking about non emergency
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amother
Oak


 

Post Thu, Jul 07 2022, 5:54 pm
Am I the only crazy one who would leave a 3 month old? ( I don't nurse and would only leave with a close relative) but none of my relatives want my highly kvetchy babies.

I think a 2 or 3 year old would take it much harder when it comes to attachment.
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BrisketBoss




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 07 2022, 5:56 pm
amother [ Oak ] wrote:
Am I the only crazy one who would leave a 3 month old? ( I don't nurse and would only leave with a close relative) but none of my relatives want my highly kvetchy babies.

I think a 2 or 3 year old would take it much harder when it comes to attachment.


I think some of you are conflating attachment with separation anxiety. I wonder if the OP is as well.

OP, is the question whether your baby will experience separation anxiety in your absence? You said 'not interfering in healthy attachment' so I don't think so.
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amother
Tiffanyblue


 

Post Thu, Jul 07 2022, 6:21 pm
HonesttoGod wrote:
You know that you sound very privileged right? Many if not most women HAVE to leave their babies all day by a babysitter their baby does not know at the beginning and is not family.
Many if not most mothers do this until their “babies” move out the house if not longer.

I have a few kids. One I left at 10 months old with a family member over Shabbas so I could have much needed quiet time for various reasons. Said child is no different to my other kids in regards to attachment.

Op if you want to have an attached baby then no. Don’t leave him/her. If you need the getaway for your sanity then 3-4 days left with someone they know from when they no longer nurse is not going to harm them.


I don't know why you're so triggered by my post. Seems like you just want to get this thread riled up and bashing one another.
Of course many babies are at sitters from newborn. Which is why I said upthread that going to a sitter every day is different than suddenly disappearing overnight or for afew days, because babies get used to the schedule that they get picked up from the sitter every day. For a newborn, it doesn't make a difference wether the sitter is a family member or not. It just makes mom feel better.
OP asked for our opinion, we should be able to give our honest opinion without being attacked for it.
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amother
Catmint


 

Post Thu, Jul 07 2022, 6:41 pm
For a non-emergency, I would not leave a child under age 2, and preferably age 3.

Also, it really depends on the child. Some are more easygoing while other children are more sensitive or anxious and therefore affected more.
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amother
Fuchsia


 

Post Thu, Jul 07 2022, 6:55 pm
I left my baby as a newborn (under 3 moths) one night by my mother when I was having PPD and pain from my botched delivery (bad stitches that still havent healed). And one night by my grandmother when my baby was 15 months ( we did bedtime and then picked her up the next morning)

I dont like to do it now bc my baby is 18 months. but my parents are always asking us to go on vaca so they can take my baby for the night. I have friends that will leave their babies (14 months and up) for 3-4 days. I would not
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cupcake123




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 07 2022, 7:03 pm
Similar to what others have said. Were talking non emergency I would leave after I'm done nursing so close to age 2+ Not more then 1-2 nights.
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amother
Black


 

Post Thu, Jul 07 2022, 7:11 pm
I think it depends on who you leave them with. I wouldn't leave my child under 6 months with anyone I didn't know. Relative or good friend. I have see babysitters let the babies cry, stuff bottles in their mouth instead of holding them and just ignore them. I use to live near a park that babysitters came to. And also have helped babysitters. I am a sahm but babies are needy. Group babysitters are not ideal. Some people have no choice but you have to recognize the kid is sometimes neglected. When my daughter was 16 months I left her with my parents for a few hours. And I have used babysitters who I know make sure the kids all get what they need. Maybe the fact that I have 2 kids with special needs (high functioning autistic) make me more picky. My current baby, almost 20 months, is my first normal kid and she still needs attention.
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amother
Anemone


 

Post Thu, Jul 07 2022, 7:30 pm
I had to leave my 11 month old overnight with a family member when I had surgery.

She was fully nursing before that and it was hard to even get her to take bottles with pumped milk. She was eating a bit of solids but not much.

She refused to nurse anymore shortly after that. And I had big trouble getting her to eat anything. (I'm not saying it was necessarily because of leaving her -- she did bite me hard shortly after that as well, and my 'ouch' may have also been the cause for her subsequent withdrawal, but I think it was possibly a combination of both.)

The interesting is that she's now 5 and she gets very upset if I ever mention about the fact that I left her when she was a baby and that she was unhappy. The thought if it seems to traumatize her. She doesn't let me talk about it.
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amother
Holly


 

Post Thu, Jul 07 2022, 7:39 pm
amother [ Tiffanyblue ] wrote:
I don't leave kids before age 2.5-3 & I only leave at relatives/friends they know very well.
I think it's torture to leave a little baby, even at someone they know well, when you can't yet explain to them what's happening & you suddenly disappear.

Agree! This
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amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Thu, Jul 07 2022, 7:45 pm
Not popular opinion but I left my 5 month old with my mom for one night. Not nursing.
She was and is a very difficult baby; I don't believe it's connected to that one 24 hour period.
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amother
Chartreuse


 

Post Thu, Jul 07 2022, 7:58 pm
And those saying not under 3; lol my 2 year old is thrilled to be left at her grandparents. She has time of her life; gets piles of nosh and is entertained round the clock by her aunt's and uncles.
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Machel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 07 2022, 8:05 pm
I was planning on leaving my 2& 4 year old with my mom for a week in August (vacation fell through) I have left them at 1&3 for a weekend with my dad. And would leave them and the baby (once he doesn't nurse) in the future for a trip if I had the opportunity. I think it really depends on your kids and their relationship with who you would leave them with. Both of my bigger kids are pretty independent and happy to be with their grandparents. If you are currently dealing with seperation anxiety or a clingy child then that would be different.
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Machel




 
 
    
 

Post Thu, Jul 07 2022, 8:06 pm
amother [ Oak ] wrote:
Am I the only crazy one who would leave a 3 month old? ( I don't nurse and would only leave with a close relative) but none of my relatives want my highly kvetchy babies.

I think a 2 or 3 year old would take it much harder when it comes to attachment.


If I didn't nurse I absolutely would. I left my 3 month old for 24 hours with my husband for a self care trip.
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