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Gentle parenting - locking parents door
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Jul 17 2022, 6:13 am
I was all into gentle parenting, took a class, read up on it a ton and I thought it was the answer.
But then one of the experts I follow made a post about not locking parents bedroom door, and I think that's taking it way too far.

It made me change my whole outlook towards gentle parenting. If you are parenting so gently to the point that parents can no longer have their own privacy/boundaries then something is very wrong.
I personally think it's fear based- we are too afraid for our children to even think we are not accessible for one minute that we need to cater fully to their every whim?

I get it, I really do. I'm a therapist, and a parent constantly working on myself and learning. And I think children need to be heard and validated. But this is taking it a bit too far.
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amother
Forestgreen


 

Post Sun, Jul 17 2022, 6:22 am
Ok. So there’s one persons opinion you don’t agree with.
Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.
The whole premise is warped because one person said one thing you don’t like?!

Decide on what suits yours and your families needs.
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amother
Taupe


 

Post Sun, Jul 17 2022, 6:22 am
My door is only locked when dtd. And I am NOT agentle parent!!!

Do you, as a therapist, think attachment is healthy if kids are locked out all night? (Is that what you mean?)
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Jul 17 2022, 6:26 am
amother [ Taupe ] wrote:
My door is only locked when dtd. And I am NOT agentle parent!!!

Do you, as a therapist, think attachment is healthy if kids are locked out all night? (Is that what you mean?)


You never want to sleep nude with DH? You never just don't want kid sauntering in to your private space? You

The child can knock and I will come out.

I think it can be healthy attachment without a child having full access to come and sleep in my bed/room whenever they want.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Jul 17 2022, 6:27 am
amother [ Forestgreen ] wrote:
Ok. So there’s one persons opinion you don’t agree with.
Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.
The whole premise is warped because one person said one thing you don’t like?!

Decide on what suits yours and your families needs.


I think it's taking things way too far. Is this how gentle parenting expects we view the relationship between parent/child?
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amother
Khaki


 

Post Sun, Jul 17 2022, 6:30 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I think it's taking things way too far. Is this how gentle parenting expects we view the relationship between parent/child?

No I have never heard of no locking doors from gentle parenting experts. Never.
Gentle parenting is about our interactions with our children.
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amother
Taupe


 

Post Sun, Jul 17 2022, 6:33 am
No, I don't share a bed with dh. No we don't sleep nude.

You can lock your door of that's what makes you comfortable and you've thought abt it. you do you.

How were you raised?
When I was a kid, if I had a bad dream in the middle of the nigt, I would go to my parents room and tell them.abt the dream and they would let me lie down on the floor of their Room.

I know someone whose choshuv therapist and parenting expert parents kept their bedroom door locked, and the kids if they had a bad dream, would end up in the h hallway outside the bedroom.
Their kids don't practice that form of parenting.

But I need t o correct wh at I said earlier.
There are times I go in my room.and lock my door becaUse I'm overwhelmed and want to chill in imamother. That's when my kids knock.
I have no problem with my kids going into my room,as long as it's an appropriate time. And they know that even when it's locked, it won't be Locked for long.
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amother
Tan


 

Post Sun, Jul 17 2022, 6:36 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
You never want to sleep nude with DH? You never just don't want kid sauntering in to your private space? You

The child can knock and I will come out.

I think it can be healthy attachment without a child having full access to come and sleep in my bed/room whenever they want.

Once I had kids I gave up those luxuries unless I’m on vacation etc. Yes I want to sleep nude, not worry about kids sauntering in but this is the stage of life I’m in now and my kids feelings of security comes first. I still have a fabulous segs life with dh and the kids know the door is locked sometimes but if they wake up scared in middle of the night I definitely want them to know my door is open and I’m there for them.
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giftedmom




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 17 2022, 6:38 am
Gentle parenting is an umbrella term that everyone interprets differently. And it seems you extrapolated an entire worldview from one recommendation. Kind of confirmation bias, if you will. What kind of therapist are you anyway?
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amother
Candycane


 

Post Sun, Jul 17 2022, 6:40 am
They probably meant not to lock them out if they need you. I know ppl who lock their doors because kids wake them in the morning, kids come to sleep in their bed and kids bother them.

Someone told me that she remembers feeling very distressed when her parents did this to her after she had been coming every night. She is now an adult.
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amother
Candycane


 

Post Sun, Jul 17 2022, 6:43 am
giftedmom wrote:
Gentle parenting is an umbrella term that everyone interprets differently. And it seems you extrapolated an entire worldview from one recommendation. Kind of confirmation bias, if you will. What kind of therapist are you anyway?


A human one. That wasn't nice.
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amother
Canary


 

Post Sun, Jul 17 2022, 6:49 am
giftedmom wrote:
Gentle parenting is an umbrella term that everyone interprets differently. And it seems you extrapolated an entire worldview from one recommendation. Kind of confirmation bias, if you will. What kind of therapist are you anyway?

How rude. Therapists are regular people.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Jul 17 2022, 6:49 am
giftedmom wrote:
Gentle parenting is an umbrella term that everyone interprets differently. And it seems you extrapolated an entire worldview from one recommendation. Kind of confirmation bias, if you will. What kind of therapist are you anyway?
Banging head

I'm a trauma informed therapist. I work with adults, EMDR trained.

And I still think it's going way too far.
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amother
Broom


 

Post Sun, Jul 17 2022, 6:52 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
You never want to sleep nude with DH? You never just don't want kid sauntering in to your private space? You

The child can knock and I will come out.

I think it can be healthy attachment without a child having full access to come and sleep in my bed/room whenever they want.


So gentle parenting has gone to far I believe. Kids can have boundaries. But I do think with a gentle parenting approach as parents we think twice before saying no and yell way leads.

But we are living in a generation of spoiled brats and parents being scared of the kids. I’m more into boundaries and teaching kids about consequences etc. everyone needs to find what’s right for them. But some gentle parenting is just bad and raising bad kids
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amother
Broom


 

Post Sun, Jul 17 2022, 6:55 am
amother [ Tan ] wrote:
Once I had kids I gave up those luxuries unless I’m on vacation etc. Yes I want to sleep nude, not worry about kids sauntering in but this is the stage of life I’m in now and my kids feelings of security comes first. I still have a fabulous segs life with dh and the kids know the door is locked sometimes but if they wake up scared in middle of the night I definitely want them to know my door is open and I’m there for them.


So why can’t they knock on the door? I don’t close my door in average but sometimes I do not always cause we are DTD . But any of my kids have an issue at night they knock if door is closed it’s teaching kids basic ABC of life. Toddlers and babies usually cry in there bed and I hear them and go to them.
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amother
Forestgreen


 

Post Sun, Jul 17 2022, 6:58 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I think it's taking things way too far. Is this how gentle parenting expects we view the relationship between parent/child?


If you have done a course and read up on the subject, why are you still asking this?
Surely you would have a good understanding of what gentle parenting really is.

Either way, if you don’t want to parent that way, no one is forcing you too.

You find the way which you feel you will successfully raise your children.
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amother
Wheat


 

Post Sun, Jul 17 2022, 7:14 am
I find that any course or program for parenting or marriage is like a smorgasbord. No one eats everything. You take what you like, what suits you, and you leave the rest behind.

You don't have to do everything from this style parenting. Take what resonates with you and your kids personalities and leave the rest behind.

Personally, I sometimes fall asleep naked with my husband. Usually at some point in the night I wake up (don't have such big beds) and get dressed and unlock the door.

My kids are used to that sometimes the door is locked and they knock and I answer it. It's ok as long as they know I'm there for them.

My parents doors were always open. I have no clue how they conceived 12 kids. I guess it's possible...
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amother
Candycane


 

Post Sun, Jul 17 2022, 7:17 am
Would you mind linking the post? Or posting the link?
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giftedmom




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Jul 17 2022, 7:18 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Banging head

I'm a trauma informed therapist. I work with adults, EMDR trained.

And I still think it's going way too far.

That’s your prerogative. I think if you’re available when your kid knocks that should be fine. At the end of the day every parent and every child is different and you have to use your own common sense when parenting.
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amother
Moccasin


 

Post Sun, Jul 17 2022, 7:23 am
amother [ Broom ] wrote:
So gentle parenting has gone to far I believe. Kids can have boundaries. But I do think with a gentle parenting approach as parents we think twice before saying no and yell way leads.

But we are living in a generation of spoiled brats and parents being scared of the kids. I’m more into boundaries and teaching kids about consequences etc. everyone needs to find what’s right for them. But some gentle parenting is just bad and raising bad kids


Too* far
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