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A rav for help with a life-changing decision

 
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Jul 25 2022, 2:16 pm
We are BTs living in a small community. We have a rav for daily shailos but we need to consult someone for life-changing decisions who would give us eitza without any ulterior motives (unlike our rav who I don’t trust with such questions).

What rav (mekubal?) would have a great insight? Someone in Israel is preferable?
Do you think such requests can be done on the phone?
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Jul 26 2022, 4:33 am
Bump

I guess I am looking for a gadol
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amother




DarkYellow
 

Post Tue, Jul 26 2022, 5:00 am
I saw your request yesterday, but had no advice. I see youre bumping,, so I wanted you to know youre not being ignored. I wish you much hotzlocha with your decision.

Life altering question are always difficult to ask to someone who doesn't know you or has different values than you. I feel your frustration. This is also why you're not getting replies.

As for a mekubal, ask for brachos, but not life altering advice.

Maybe if you'd vaguely describe your problem people could guide you to experts in that area that can give you some advice.

Is there anyone further back in your life you can reconnect with for advice?
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Jul 26 2022, 5:27 am
amother [ DarkYellow ] wrote:
I saw your request yesterday, but had no advice. I see youre bumping,, so I wanted you to know youre not being ignored. I wish you much hotzlocha with your decision.

Life altering question are always difficult to ask to someone who doesn't know you or has different values than you. I feel your frustration. This is also why you're not getting replies.

As for a mekubal, ask for brachos, but not life altering advice.

Maybe if you'd vaguely describe your problem people could guide you to experts in that area that can give you some advice.

Is there anyone further back in your life you can reconnect with for advice?


I think about such decisions as moving or having one more child (despite the age and life circumstances)

There are many pros and contras to both and it is hard to see what would be the right thing.
I think it is hard for us to take the responsibility for such a decision when there are valid reasons either way.

So I need someone with a lot of experience and, to put it awkwardly, spiritual insight.

Who do people go to for brocha?

I just have no clue who big rabbonim are who people go to.
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amother




Wandflower
 

Post Tue, Jul 26 2022, 5:28 am
Do you need a gadol hador level rav? I know people go to R Shmuel Kamenetzky for really big things. But there are many more rabbonim who are very wise. Do you listen to speeches? I know some people who've reached out to speakers who they thought would understand them and sometimes they were the right shaliach to help them.
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amother




Tomato
 

Post Tue, Jul 26 2022, 5:45 am
You’re BTs, did you still go to seminary or Yeshiva? I’m also a BT so I always have a preference for going to rabbeim with tons of experience with the BT world for hashkafa shailos.

If you didn’t, I’d recommend finding out if any of the teachers at one of those schools are giving extra shiurim and see if there’s any you click with. You want to make sure you like the person before asking them deeply personal questions.

If you’re in the Jerusalem area, you can pm me for some ideas, it just varies widely by hashkafa as I assume you’d want someone in line with you.
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Jul 26 2022, 5:46 am
amother [ Wandflower ] wrote:
Do you need a gadol hador level rav? I know people go to R Shmuel Kamenetzky for really big things. But there are many more rabbonim who are very wise. Do you listen to speeches? I know some people who've reached out to speakers who they thought would understand them and sometimes they were the right shaliach to help them.


Unfortunately I haven’t been listening lately.
My dh is into Rav Baruch Rosenblum and Rav Pinto. But I haven’t heard that people go to rav Rosenblum for eitza.
Can random people consult Rav Pinto or is it too out there?
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amother




Wandflower
 

Post Tue, Jul 26 2022, 5:58 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Unfortunately I haven’t been listening lately.
My dh is into Rav Baruch Rosenblum and Rav Pinto. But I haven’t heard that people go to rav Rosenblum for eitza.
Can random people consult Rav Pinto or is it too out there?


I don't know anything about Rav Pinto. I agree with the other poster that rabbonim who have experience with BTs might be more helpful.

Another thought I had is to maybe try to find someone in a city near you. Like this if you do want to meet them in person that would make it easier. So if you're near Chicago, maybe Rabbi Forst. Or if you're near Milwaukee then R' Twerski.
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amother




Topaz
 

Post Tue, Jul 26 2022, 6:19 am
amother [ Wandflower ] wrote:
Do you need a gadol hador level rav? I know people go to R Shmuel Kamenetzky for really big things. But there are many more rabbonim who are very wise. Do you listen to speeches? I know some people who've reached out to speakers who they thought would understand them and sometimes they were the right shaliach to help them.
what is his number? What kinds of big things does he deal with?
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amother




Bluebonnet
 

Post Thu, Jul 28 2022, 6:43 pm
I do not have any Rabbi to refer you to, but one piece of advice whenever you ask a major shaila, make sure to be prepared with a clear and concise description of your circumstances and your specific question. Often people are not satisfied with the answer they get from rabbonim because they failed to properly present the situation.
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