Bringing babies to events

yehudis

Sun, Nov 13 2005, 3:53 pm

How do you feel about bring babies to shiurim? I went to a shiur this morning, and I brought my baby. At first there were no other babies there. Then another woman came with a baby. I wouldn't be able to go if I couldn't bring the baby. But then I was thinking -- what if there are women there who don't have children yet? Is my baby attracting attention and bothering them? Or the opposite -- what if women paid a baby-sitter to go to a children-free events, and here's my baby making noise. What do you think?

shayna82

Sun, Nov 13 2005, 4:15 pm

This is what I do: Ill take my baby up until that age where he still sits quietly in my lap, till about 9 months or so, once they want to come down and start being nudgy,its time to keep them home out of respect to everyone thats there and the speaker..

if on the other hand, its accepted that mothers will come with babies, thats a different story...

buba123

Sun, Nov 13 2005, 4:43 pm

I agree with you shayna82 & 1stimer - it all depends on what the event is about and how your child would act in that situation.
I recently went to a play that lasted over 3 hours. It was a very professional production that was held in the evening. I was a little shocked to see 2 infants there. Not only did they cry during quiet moments in the dialogue, the noise level was too loud for infants. I thought it reflected bad parenting. You either get a babysitter and leave a bottle for your baby (formula or pumped breast-milk) or you stay home with your baby shock

Ahuva

Sun, Nov 13 2005, 7:18 pm

I was never a fan of babies at events till I had my own. When my baby was 6 months old I had a wedding and took my baby to a sitter across the street from the hall. About 1 hr. after I left she call me saying the baby is shreiking I should come and nurse. I went to nurse but he would cry when I put him down. I had no choice but to take him with me. So I learned the hard way (don't judge) embarrassed

avigayil

Sun, Nov 13 2005, 7:48 pm

Until my son was about 3 or 4 months old, we took him everywhere. Then they are more mobile and less easy to sooth.

I will say that more and more, women ( and their husbands) are taking infants to things that are not infant approriate. Things like formal dinners...long davening....formal shiurim...and then the babies cry and it ruins it for everyone.

I am not totally against it though, like some others are.
Here in our community, many older women railed against ahving an eruv. They simply stated things like "I stayed home for 20 years!"...like I should sign up for that too. Oh well, it is a generation difference I guess.

But I also do not think parents should bring their newborn into large events either. I do not think it is healthy for the infant.

lucky

Sun, Nov 13 2005, 10:32 pm

If you do take a baby along with you, be aware that the sounds are too loud for babys ears.
If an event is listed as a , adults only, it is probably better to leave a baby at home. but if it is a more casual shiur/meeting, especially in middle of the day, as longas your child is USUALLY quiet and calm I would think it is not a problem.

tzivi

Sun, Nov 13 2005, 10:40 pm

lucky wrote:

That's a really good point..
In the past, I have been to shiurim, etc. and they have had speakers and I have to take the baby out of the room, because it is too loud for the baby.

micki

Sun, Nov 13 2005, 11:17 pm

well for us it boils down to 2 choices- go with baby or don't go.
by baby I mean nursing infant who does not take any other food beside nursing.
I left my 2 month old with a bottle and she refused to eat. had to come home early.
I left my 4 month old with a bottle she screamed refused the bottle and I had to come home early.
and I left her at 5 months and I came home at the end and found her eating tea biscuits.

so what will I do? ask if I can bring baby or plan to only stay 1/2 hour or so or don't go. (or accept that whn a baby is screaming they will give her anything to keep her quiet)

actually there was one time I left her to go to an important event, and I came home and found out that another woman (distant relative) had nursed her. being shabbos nobody could call me to ask if it was ok.

BinahYeteirah

Sun, Nov 13 2005, 11:27 pm

micki wrote:

well for us it boils down to 2 choices- go with baby or don't go.

That's how it is for me, too. Unless my husband is staying home and can watch the baby, there's no one else I'd trust to do it until the child is old enough to want to socialize with other children.

yehudis

Mon, Nov 14 2005, 12:18 am

micki wrote:

well for us it boils down to 2 choices- go with baby or don't go.

Same here. That's exactly why I asked the question. I usually just don't go.

The shiurim that are on weekday mornings are OK, because they are intended for Mommies. Who else is home on weekdays? But Sundays are different, because they are intended for everybody.

We have a shul dinner coming up. I feel that I have to show up, so I'll just bring the baby. She is not loud. But even sleeping babies attract attention because everyone wants to look in the stroller and tell me who she looks like.

chen

Mon, Nov 14 2005, 9:49 am

I would not bring a child unless children are specifically invited or welcomed. If I had a strong reason for wanting to bring a child, I'd ask the hosts if it's ok and abide by their decision if they say no. Sometimes that means not going; so be it. Do we not expect to have to sacrifice for our children? Missing out on certain events is part of that sacrifice.

Etiquette and consideration for the rest of the audience aside, there is excellent reason to keep babies away from simchas and other noisy events, even if they are specifically included in the invitation. Most bands have their amps cranked up to somewhere around 6 on the Richter scale, and the sound can seriously damage hearing. If you have to raise your voice to be heard by a person standing 1 foot away from you, it is too loud even for you. Damage caused by excess noise is cumulative, which means little bits add up. It's rather like damage to a new floor: the first tiny scuff is hardly noticed. each added scratch in and of itself isn't much, but add enough little scratches and scuffs and eventually your new floor is an old wreck. The damage done to your baby's hearing can never be undone and will only get worse.

you wouldn't dream of taking your child to a place where he might lose an eye, ch"v, would you? don't take him to places where he might start to lose his hearing.

Rivka

Sat, Nov 19 2005, 7:09 pm

Weddings aren't really child/baby free events. But shul or shiurim, other people have paid to go and if the baby cries (which is probably going to happen) it isn't fair on everyone else...then you get the tutters and get all embarassed. it's not worth it.

chocolate moose

Sun, Jan 08 2006, 2:29 pm

When my kids were little, I didn't go to many events; on the other hand I only have two kids. A mother of 10 would never get out of the house!

I like to socialize, and if a mom takes up a whole table with her kids, I just don't much want to sit there.

When I had my own kids, I was dying for adult contact. Now that my kids are older teens, I have little interest in kids anymore.

So - if it's a lecture and a baby nurses quietly, why not. If it's a bris and the kids are on their way to school, ditto.

But a tzedakah event in the evening or other event where we're all dressed up? No thanks.

happymom

Sun, Jan 08 2006, 7:25 pm

I never bring my baby to shiurim because I figure its just not an event for children or babies. its for adults and babies disturb. In general I never take my baby out at night. If I have a shiur or something else My husband watches her or I make sure to get a babysitter and leave after shes alseep. I dont think babies belong out later then thier bed time! Unless obviously there is really no other choice and its an exception...