Moving to the boondocks

amother

Thu, Jul 28 2022, 4:40 pm

my dh wants to move away to the middle of nowhere after our kids grow up. He wants to live someplace that has no "shul rabbi" no school.... just people doing their own thing. they'll pick a beis din beforehand of how they will handle any squabbles but noone who is "in charge". He's just d.o.n.e with the frum community how it is now. I'm curious, would anyone join us if we did this.?

amother

Black

Thu, Jul 28 2022, 4:46 pm

Doesn't sound appealing. Ask chabad shluchim about the hardships because they deal with living in the boondocks with no access to many jewish necessities.

Not_in_my_town

Thu, Jul 28 2022, 4:47 pm

You want like-minded get-away from it all people? You can try The Frum Farm in Colorado, but I'm not sure how committed they are to really keeping halacha. https://www.facebook.com/FrumFarm/

You can try Woodridge, NY, which has community close enough nearby, but not in the cholent.

amother

Watermelon

Thu, Jul 28 2022, 4:48 pm

I wish I could do this. I want a homestead with the nearest neighbors at least a mile away. To start with I want at least two horses, a chicken coop, some goats, a vegetable patch, and a dog. Maybe a barn cat.

Not_in_my_town

Thu, Jul 28 2022, 4:48 pm

But if you want something more normal, with all the conveniences but also nature and the lack of in-the-box mindset, try Seattle. It's awesome!

amother

Lime

Thu, Jul 28 2022, 5:05 pm

what about a minyan?

mikvah?

and other necessary infrastructure?

how old are your kids?

someone has gotta lein, blow shofar, read megilla and more

amother

Thu, Jul 28 2022, 5:06 pm

so my husband would be fine making a mikvah. there would be a shul for people to daven it but honestly my husband no longer goes to shul and it seems like he isn't the only one...
we wouldn't do this until our kids are out of the house so we have a looooong time, just curious.

amother

Kiwi

Thu, Jul 28 2022, 5:20 pm

Alot can happen in that time until your kids are older.(From what you wrote). I would be interested now in how you are keeping your children comfortable in this hot weather. How they are enjoying camp. Also what are great meals for next week. When your kids reach the age where they will be older and not living at home, you can worry about that problem.

amother

Thu, Jul 28 2022, 5:52 pm

for my husband knowing that one day he can leave, makes it easier to tolerate living in the community. he brings it up all the time, am I willing to leave once they are older.

amother

Lime

Thu, Jul 28 2022, 6:04 pm

Don’t want to be a spoilsport but don’t promise anything because when your kids get older they will marry and have kids IY”H and it’s tough getting them to visit if there’s nothing around

I’d really try to find some workable solutions to improve your situation now still not all or nothing there are many types of frum communities

Hugs and hatzlocha

amother

Ultramarine

Thu, Jul 28 2022, 6:12 pm

They'll pick a beis din
He'll build a milvah (that ppl will want to use)
You're asking who will join
So basically you do want community. Just not the one you live in now.

amother

Thu, Jul 28 2022, 6:14 pm

he's fine living by himself but it'll be hard for me so for me he'll put up with a few people Wink

. just curious if this is something else other people want.

today we visited people who are living 45 minutes away from frum community in a rural area. saw someone else has made the same move but I think they actually commute for their kids to go to school.

they seem happy so got me curious.

amother

Periwinkle

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 1:38 pm

I know a family that lived about 20 minutes away from a forum community. The kids went to school in the community. They had a shabbos apartment in the community. People in the community loved to go visit "the farm" as it was called.

amother

Zinnia

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 1:46 pm

Not_in_my_town wrote:

Woodridge officially does have a rav and regular minyanim all year. The Jews themselves in the area are just a very very mixed crowd

amother

Dill

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 2:28 pm

I used to read a blog by a frum retired couple who moved out to a rural spot in Maine, I think. Like, almost living off the grid and cutting your own firewood type to heat the house (cabin?). No minyan or shul, not even any humans living within several miles. I think they'd travel to the closest city a few hours away for shul on RH and YK, which anyway needed to hire someone to come in to lead the davening so there was definitely no rabbi and not even a minyan regularly during the year. You have to be the type that likes nature, camping, and DIY, be very self sufficient. Don't remember the blog name or even if they are still living there. That's what the "bondocks" would actually be.

BTW you're not going to have a beis din in a place that's so small there is no rabbi.

amother

NeonOrange

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 2:53 pm

amother [ Dill ] wrote:

This is the blog you are referring to. They are family friends and now live in Israel.
https://midlifeinmaine.wordpress.com/

amother

Viola

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 2:56 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Are you joking? You’re going along with this terrible idea? I thought from the beginning of your post that you wanted to ask advice on how to talk him out of it or something like that.
Please don’t go along with this. “Done with the frum community” is not a healthy attitude and I can feel the both of you headed for a bad place, spiritually if you allow this.

bfromnj

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 3:56 pm

I definitely wouldn’t but different strokes for different folks as they say. It sounds like he’s looking to move away from observance which is a whole other issue if that’s the case.

I would suggest looking into a different community perhaps a more MO one where he might find his place if the current one isn’t working for him.

Hatzlacha!

bfromnj

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 3:57 pm