First names | Imamother

amother

Sun, Jul 31 2022, 12:57 am

I’m I overly sensitive or is it horrible that my friends kids started calling me by my first name. I would never tell someone what to do with their child and I am very very makpid when it comes to my children. I just find it rude and offensive. Opinions please

rachelli66

Sun, Jul 31 2022, 1:00 am

If it just started, tell the parents. ''I would appreciate if your kids can call me Aunty Chani''.Not rude at all.

BrisketBoss

Sun, Jul 31 2022, 1:00 am

Cultural/generational differences. It's not horrible of them but you are allowed to have a preferred title. I think you can do something about it. (What that is depends on the total situation including ages of kids)

Last edited by BrisketBoss on Sun, Jul 31 2022, 1:14 am; edited 1 time in total

lkwdgirl

Sun, Jul 31 2022, 1:03 am

Her big kids have been doing it for a while but now her 11 is and she is soooo the
Type to be insulted if I said something

DrMom

Sun, Jul 31 2022, 1:05 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It sounds like they were calling you "Mrs. Schwartz" and then switched to calling you "Chava." Is this what you meant?

Maybe they heard another parent being referred to in this manner and figured it was universally acceptable?

Next time it happens, you can just say nicely, "you can call me Mrs. Schwartz." (smile)

BTW, Israeli parents often have kids refer to them by their first names. I also find it jarring despite having lived here for quite a while.

BrisketBoss

Sun, Jul 31 2022, 1:07 am

wrote:

Her big kids have been doing it for a while but now her 11 is and she is soooo the
Type to be insulted if I said something

You weren't OP this time, want to switch?

amother

Hydrangea

Sun, Jul 31 2022, 1:12 am

Omg!
Have the exact same thing!
My husband says, tell her you think it’s not derech eretz. But I’m not comfortable doing that... it just feels weird though. When I was growing up we all called my moms friends Mrs. so and so or leahlas Mommy or the Weiss mommy whatever...

amother

Candycane

Sun, Jul 31 2022, 1:27 am

I like to teach my kids to call neighbors with mrs. or usually as Chani's mother....
I want to teach my kids to be respectful.

But why would I care how the neighbor calls me. I'm not their mother, their chinuch isn't my problem. They aren't my students where I need to have their respect in order to run my classroom.

I do think it isn't respectful for kids to call neighbor with first name, but why would it bother me if they do?

amother

Floralwhite

Sun, Jul 31 2022, 1:35 am

I don’t like it, but I remember as a kid my parents being very makpid about me saying “Aunt” and “Uncle” while none of my cousins did. I felt very awkward and distanced, like I was the only one who didn’t have a close enough relationship to call them by their first name.

DrMom

Sun, Jul 31 2022, 1:42 am

amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote:

The OP wasn't talking about her nieces and nephews -- she is talking about her friends' children. They are not related to her.

amother

Floralwhite

Sun, Jul 31 2022, 1:48 am

DrMom wrote:

The OP wasn't talking about her nieces and nephews -- she is talking about her friends' children. They are not related to her.

I know, but I think the feeling awkward thing might apply. I think it is wrong, I don’t like it. Their parents should teach them not to. But I have sympathy for the kids that are just following their friends. It’s hard to do the right thing when no one else is.

Window

Sun, Jul 31 2022, 1:50 am

I find this weird. Maybe I grew up in a very different culture? Lol
I called all my mothers friends by their first names. I don’t see an issue with my friends kids calling me by my name. And I don’t see an issue with my kids calling other adults by their names. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

They can still be respectful and speak with derech eretz while calling me by my first name. If an adult friend has a preferred title, I’ll teach my kids to use it. Doctors and teachers shouldn’t be called by first names. Other than that, I fail to see the issue

#BestBubby

Sun, Jul 31 2022, 1:57 am

I told my kids to call my close friends "aunt" and "uncle" before the first name.

If not such close friends, then Mr. and Mrs.

I always called my aunts and uncle "aunt chany" and "uncle shmuel".

I know sometimes the kids are close in age with their aunt/uncle - than it is ok to use just first names.

But aunts and uncles that are close to your parent's age should not be called by first names.

my opinion.

shabbatiscoming

Sun, Jul 31 2022, 2:44 am

These threads are always so interesting to me. I grew up in america and we always called our friend's parents by their first name. It was never mentioned by anyone to call them mr or mrs. And Im not 20 years old. This was even 30 years ago.

imaima

Sun, Jul 31 2022, 2:49 am

amother [ Candycane ] wrote:

I don’t get this logic. I can very will express the wish to be called the way I want to be called. It has nothing to do with chinuch. If I don’t want random 11 year olds to call me by my first name, it is my right to say so.

Alternative

Sun, Jul 31 2022, 2:57 am

imaima wrote:

I agree with you, but then we are entering tricky territory. Not everyone on this forum believes it's your right to decide how you want to be called.

What if you want to be called Mr. and you are biologically a woman, for example?
Many people on this forum would say you don't have the right to decide how you want to be called.

Who gets to decide? The person saying your name, or the person whose name it is?

Alternative

Sun, Jul 31 2022, 2:59 am

Anyway, I agree with those who said it's cultural. If it's an anomaly where you live, you can just say you would prefer to be called Mrs. or whatever.

If most or all other kids are using first names, then it can get awkward. Where I live it would be super weird for me to insist on Mrs. or Ms.... it would definitely make me the weird mom and my kids would be laughed at.

imaima

Sun, Jul 31 2022, 3:06 am

Alternative wrote:

Baruch HaShem I don’t live on this forum and don’t meet kids of parents on this forum.

This argument doesn’t really apply since friendship is based on mutually pleasant interaction. If my „friends“ don’t even try to have their kids call me what I want to be called then we will have to rethink the framework of our relationship.

DrMom

Sun, Jul 31 2022, 3:51 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

That's interesting -- I also grew up in the US and I'm also no spring chicken (!), and we always called our friends' parents "Mrs. Smith," etc.