First names | Imamother

amother

Bellflower

Sun, Jul 31 2022, 11:42 am

pinkpeonies wrote:

I don’t think we can take examples by what a secular culture does. Our culture (and by our I mean Jews, not yeshivish, MO, chassidish, etc) holds respect for elders as a top priority. It is part of the basis of our mesorah, that each past generation is closer to har sinai.
No matter what is or was done in your circles, calling an adult 30 years older than you by their first name is a way of saying “we are equals.”
I do not believe that we are equals. I believe that someone older than me deserves respect.
By the same token, I introduce myself on the phone and in person as “Chani Klein” to everyone, even former students of mine, because I believe on my end that it is almost condescending and uppity to say Mrs Klein.
My neighbors and I are very makpid to say “Mrs Friedman” when talking about each other to our children, it’s something we have discussed in the past.
And my nieces and nephews call me “tante chani.” It’s basic respect, very very much a part of our collective values

Well, if you go by the true Jewish way of doing things, first names are fine (last names are a non-jewish invention that were imposed on the Jews by State authorities), and as long as the person is not a very respected Rabbi, you just say "ata" or "at".

shabbatiscoming

Sun, Jul 31 2022, 4:13 pm

pinkpeonies wrote:

But there are people who want everyone to call them by their first names. As I wrote, I grew up, 30 years ago, calling all of my friend's parents by their first name. Nobody wanted to be called mr or mrs x. And no, that did not mean we were equals, not ever did I think that. We always had respect for our friend's parents. And in this instance it was completely respectful to call them by their names as that is what they wanted.
And no, it is not part of our "collective values" as not all frum people do as you do. Its not all or nothing and its not all black a nd white.

flowerpower

Sun, Jul 31 2022, 4:26 pm

DrMom wrote:

That's interesting -- I also grew up in the US and I'm also no spring chicken (!), and we always called our friends' parents "Mrs. Smith," etc.

As did we. I find it respectful. Everyone calls me “Mrs Flower” and I teach my kids to call others the same wAy. First name basis are for adults or for relatives kids like my nieces etc

amother

Eggshell

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 12:35 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I’m I overly sensitive or is it horrible that my friends kids started calling me by my first name. I would never tell someone what to do with their child and I am very very makpid when it comes to my children. I just find it rude and offensive. Opinions please

I think it’s ridiculous to demand to be called Mrs so and so by your friends’ kids… time and place.

WhatFor

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 12:55 am

amother [ Emerald ] wrote:

No. Marital status has nothing to do with it. A married 20-year-old is still only 20, even if she has three kids. That ring on her finger doesn't elevate her to the status of her parents' generation. I'm aware that nursing home residents are called by first name because, supposedly, people remember their given name far longer than their family name. This may be, but why don't they ASK the residents what they want to be called? Not all NH residents have dementia; some are sharper than you are and are in a NH because their physical health requires that level of care. I'm over 65 and I still call those of my parents' friends who are still alive Mr/Mrs X because they're still my elders and will remain so as long as they live.

Does marital status really not factor in? If a new neighbor moves in, 20yo and married, do your younger kids call her by her first name or Mrs Cohen? What about if a family moves in with a single daughter who is 20 years old? Does she get called Chani or Ms. Cohen?

I think it's disingenuous to say that marriage has nothing to do with it. I've seen younger people getting called "Mrs. Lastname" and older single people being called by their first name.

essie14

Mon, Aug 01 2022, 1:05 am

I really don't like being called "Mrs. LastName" I always say, "that's my mother in law "
I have some friends who tell their kids to call me that and I respect that they want their kids to have that level of respect for people older than them, but I never request people to call me Mrs. My kids' friends call me "x's mommy" until they age out of that and call me by my first name.