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Did you reach out? Was it beneficial?
Did you reach out to parents- and are glad that you did  
 22%  [ 8 ]
Did you reach out to parents- and regret that you did  
 11%  [ 4 ]
Did you keep it a secret from your parents- and are glad that you did  
 47%  [ 17 ]
Did you keep it a secret from your parents- and regret that you did  
 19%  [ 7 ]
Total Votes : 36



amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Jul 31 2022, 9:17 pm
I got married and after a couple of weeks, I noticed the issues... I remember the hell of not knowing who to turn to, feeling completely alone, while still needing to keep up the appearance of a blissful newlywed..

reached out to kallah teacher first- gave terrible advice (in all honesty, I didn't share all info but she didn't ask or check either...)

Reached out to my father- got amazing support and love, connected me to great people, was always avail for advice and support yet never probed when I didn't share...

Was absolutely the best decision ever to reach out to my parents...

Curious about other's personal experiences and what they have to say
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amother




Silver
 

Post Sun, Jul 31 2022, 9:19 pm
Shortly after we were married we had some intimacy related problems. Without asking if I was ok with, dh discussed with his parents. It was a HUGE mistake for him to do that and it took me a very very long time to get past it.

We've had other issues and I never discussed with my parents because they aren't a source of emotional support for me.
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amother




Glitter
 

Post Sun, Jul 31 2022, 9:26 pm
Your post was very vague. Everyone discovers "issues". The scales fall off your eyes and you learn that your "perfect" chosson is human and has human faults. TBH, so do you, and you both need to learn how to work out your differences. (I don't mean you as you, OP, I mean the collective "you.")This isn't necessarily a reason to have to "reach out" to anyone. Do you mean that your dh was being abusive, controlling, predatory, off his meds, unfaithful, doing drugs or otherwise acting in a disturbing manner beyond what is generally accepted as normal human imperfection? You can come out and say that; it's not such a rare situation that we would guess who you are. If your "issues" were in the realm of bedroom performance, most parents wouldn't be the right people to ask for help. Only a trained professional whom you don't know personally should be consulted for matters in this realm. Does your dh really need your parents knowing that he's a dud or a stud?
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amother




Glitter
 

Post Sun, Jul 31 2022, 9:33 pm
amother [ Silver ] wrote:
Shortly after we were married we had some intimacy related problems. Without asking if I was ok with, dh discussed with his parents. It was a HUGE mistake for him to do that and it took me a very very long time to get past it.



Applause to you for getting over it. I think I'd have walked out of the marriage if my dh did such a thing. I'd never be able to trust him again. About anything.
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amother




Silver
 

Post Sun, Jul 31 2022, 9:35 pm
amother [ Glitter ] wrote:
Applause to you for getting over it. I think I'd have walked out of the marriage if my dh did such a thing. I'd never be able to trust him again. About anything.


Walking out of my five day old marriage wasn't a very appealing option either.
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Jul 31 2022, 9:46 pm
amother [ Glitter ] wrote:
Your post was very vague. Everyone discovers "issues". The scales fall off your eyes and you learn that your "perfect" chosson is human and has human faults. TBH, so do you, and you both need to learn how to work out your differences. (I don't mean you as you, OP, I mean the collective "you.")This isn't necessarily a reason to have to "reach out" to anyone. Do you mean that your dh was being abusive, controlling, predatory, off his meds, unfaithful, doing drugs or otherwise acting in a disturbing manner beyond what is generally accepted as normal human imperfection? You can come out and say that; it's not such a rare situation that we would guess who you are. If your "issues" were in the realm of bedroom performance, most parents wouldn't be the right people to ask for help. Only a trained professional whom you don't know personally should be consulted for matters in this realm. Does your dh really need your parents knowing that he's a dud or a stud?


oh- thought it was obvious

we were dealing with biggies- complicated to say in short- but mostly addiction
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amother




Sand
 

Post Sun, Jul 31 2022, 9:50 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
oh- thought it was obvious

we were dealing with biggies- complicated to say in short- but mostly addiction


It was obvious. Some people just like to nitpick.
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amother




Snapdragon
 

Post Sun, Jul 31 2022, 9:54 pm
It would have been a mistake to reach out to my parents because they would have been on 'my' side and not 'our' side. I didn't need them to tell me how I'd been wronged etc. I needed help getting to a good place as a couple and they would have just taken my side.
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amother




Ballota
 

Post Sun, Jul 31 2022, 11:54 pm
We dealt (and are still dealing with) complicated intimacy issues. It was slowly killing me and I needed to tell my mother. DH was an absolute angel in letting me confide in her, and it was very helpful for me. I say he is an angel because I totally understand why he wouldn’t want that and I would have been so mad if he told his parents! But I don’t think it negatively affected his relationship with my mother at all.
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amother




Brown
 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2022, 1:04 am
Sure I reached out to my parents against my better judgment and told them my husband was being abusive. They wouldn’t support me. The end. (Of my relationship with my parents.)
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amother




Goldenrod
 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2022, 1:15 am
Keeping up appearances is unhealthy.
And no-one should feel obligated to keep up appearances after being deceived. We should explain that the person who was deceived are not at fault and expose the fraud.

Keeping major deceptions secret leads to marital hell.
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amother




Latte
 

Post Mon, Aug 01 2022, 1:45 am
amother [ Brown ] wrote:
Sure I reached out to my parents against my better judgment and told them my husband was being abusive. They wouldn’t support me. The end. (Of my relationship with my parents.)


That is so sad. I hope you aren't being abused anymore
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