Help me reset my 8 year old adhd boy

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Post Mon, Aug 01 2022, 5:45 am
My son goes into these modes where he is bothering everyone and fighting with anyone he comes across. Or sometimes it's a mode where he didn't get something he wanted and he's complaining or mild tantruming.
Out of anger one morning when he was fighting with and bothering his siblings I pinched him, he cried then became NORMAL.

Obviously I felt terrible and I don't want to be hurting my kids, but he did get reset.
What can I do to reset him in the future?
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Post Mon, Aug 01 2022, 6:38 am
Good for you for recognizing that this is a problem, and asking for a solution.

Believe me, I understand the temptation, but that kind of angry response almost always costs more than you gain, for 2 reasons.

First, because one loses credibility in ever saying, "we don't hurt people when we're angry", so kids no longer believe you that violence is wrong; and second, because it only works once; after that, you've lost the shock value, and it's just fuel to the fire of their behavior.

Depending on his age, some combination of active listening, redirection, and space can often work. It's a lot more time consuming in the moment than the quick violent response, but often much more effective in the long term.

A parenting course geared towards parents of difficult kids might give you some better options. I like the Nurtured Heart Approach, and the writing of Ross Green.
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Post Mon, Aug 01 2022, 7:14 am
Almost as if he can't regulate on his own.
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Post Mon, Aug 01 2022, 8:06 am
A sensory swing can be very helpful, if he likes that kind of thing.
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Coffee beanz


Post Mon, Aug 01 2022, 8:15 am
Sensory input, make sure he is well fed, and time on his own doing something he really enjoys such as building or rollerblading etc.
If possible talk to him about how he is feeling that he is acting this way right now. General open communication and positive relationship make it easier to get through these episodes.
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Post Mon, Aug 01 2022, 8:35 am
Take him outside fresh air and let him get his energy out I did that with my kids when they were younger and it worked wonders whenever they were in a bad spot I would take them outside for some good old fresh air.

He is also crying out for attention so give him that one-on-one time I know it's not easy I have been in this situation but it works.
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Post Mon, Aug 01 2022, 9:07 am
1:1 quality time
Music on headphones
Swing (stretchy cocoon type)
Obviously make sure he’s consistently eating well and sleeping a decent amount
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Post Mon, Aug 01 2022, 9:27 am
Set up a plan in advance and let him know about it

When you get angry, I’ll show you the sign , you can either go to your room, take a walk or go to our sensory corner to help you calm down
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Post Mon, Aug 01 2022, 9:57 am
A freezing cold ice cube in his hand or the back of his neck can snap his vagus nerve out of sympathetic mode/fight-flight

A spray of Bach rescue remedy under his tongue

5 minutes on a trampoline

Weight lifting

The trick is just to get them to cooperate long enough to get these things done
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Post Mon, Aug 01 2022, 10:08 am
Instead of the pinch give him a firm hand on his shoulder. Not a patch, more like a firm hold, kind of like pushing him into the ground but without pushing him. Do so with a smile and not hurting him, like not squeezing his shoulder just firmly resting your hand. You can also hug his arms with your hands from behind. Like a loving, firm squeeze for a few long seconds with a smile on your face.

And then help him find something to do in a healthy way. Like going on a swing, running up and and steps, etc, then do some stretches with his head ends up hanging upside down. Kinda like lifting arms to the sky, with his feet shoulder width apart, reach up on tip toes, then bring hands down to toes without bending knees. His head should be upside down like that. Hold there for 20 seconds. It should ground and calm. Though you might need to do something a little energetic first to slowly go from high to calm..
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Post Mon, Aug 01 2022, 10:16 am
Like opal said. Plan it ahead.
Discuss it with him that you notice that sometimes when he gets upset he ends up fighting with his siblings. You understand that he us upset, but when he is acting that way then he really can't be around them. Come up with a plan what happens at that point.
Maybe you give him one reminder and if he doesn't calm down he needs to go to his room. Or to the porch. Or wherever you'd like for him to be. It doesn't really matter. What matters more is that he knew what's coming and you are predictable and consistent.

Eta: all other suggestions like swing and sensory might be great for him. I just think that in the heat of the moment it's not enough. At that point the situation is too escalated and he needs to be removed from the scene or another way that it should just stop immediately.
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Post Mon, Aug 01 2022, 10:19 am
I had a student who would legit throw wooden chairs at other students. We finally got the mother to put him on meds and he was a different person! In yeshiva of course the Rebbi would send him to the office on errands. We tried to be the best Morahs we could be.
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