Mishpacha- pleasantly surprised

amother

Caramel

Tue, Aug 02 2022, 2:52 pm

I’m more ambivalent about the direction Mishpacha is going in but my husband insists that he doesn’t want to renew our subscription. It’s not even so much because he disagrees with them or that we are so insular . We will still subscribe to publications like the Jewish Action and The Readers Digest. They just come across to him as making a certain subtle effort to push the envelope that he hates. If they were say point black this is our haskafa , this is what we stand for, this is why etc. it wouldn’t bother him. It is the subtle way they try pushing the envelope that causes him not to trust them or want them in the house anymore.

There is a decent chance that both letters were made up by the editors to stir the pot. Or to say what they really want to say but pretend it isn’t them who is saying it

amother

Tue, Aug 02 2022, 3:09 pm

amother [ Snowflake ] wrote:

They should fight for full custody.
Do you know what full custody means? Probably not.
Full custody means main domicile and parent making decisions like schools and camps.
The other non custodial parent can get visitation and a lot of it and still be very involved in the child's life while not being able to stick the kid in a secular camp or public school or otherwise disrupt the child's established routine.

I mean when spouses fight that the other spouse should not have any custody at all. What term is that?

amother

Violet

Tue, Aug 02 2022, 3:12 pm

amother [ Milk ] wrote:

(I’m a silly American so understand very little of what you said. Will ask husband for dumb it down for me later)

It's not sily to be American - many of us are still considered American even in Israel
Very Happy

In general, charedi people do not go up to har habayis because of the issur of kareis (and possibly due to antagonising the arabs).
Many dati leumi rabbis permit it because they say it is pretty clear that the area where the Jews go up is nowhere near places that are assur to go, and people going up go to the mikva first.
My friend is one of a few (but growing) number of people who identify as chareidi but still go up to har habayis.

My friend belongs to a charedi shul and sends her children to charedi schools, but is more idealistically right-wing than the general charedi in terms of politics. This means that not giving land to the arabs and allowing Jews to build past the green line is more important to them then how much money the chareidi school system will get in this year's budget. So instead of voting for the chareidi parties, they vote Likud, and even this is mostly because really right-wing candidates like Ben-Gvir and Smotrich (or Ben-Ari in the past) will often not pass the threshold to make it into the knesset and their votes would be wasted.

So basically, a chareidi with a more dati-leumi hashkafa in areas having to do with kedusha and eretz yisrael.

amother

Tue, Aug 02 2022, 3:20 pm

amother [ Violet ] wrote:

that term is either "bitter and manipulative" or "has valid concerns about ex-spouse's ability to make appropriate decisions where the children are concered".

take your pick.

My question was about the court term when a spouse cannot see the children.
If that isn’t full custody for the other spouse, what would that term be?

amother

Snowflake

Tue, Aug 02 2022, 3:24 pm

Denying a parent any visitation at all is very very rare. Usually it only can happen if the parent the other parent being denied visitation rights agrees to such a thing and disappears voluntarily from a kids' life R"L.
If someone is indeed trying for that in court there would have to be very specific grounds. Courts generally go for 50/50 and are very big on both parents being involved in the children's life pretty much no matter what. Literally.
Vast majority of judges and attorneys would not even dare bring such a claim into court unless something like sxl molestation or serious physical abuse involving a record of hospitalizations chas v shalom and even then judges and the legal arena favor supervised visitation.

Sometimes if a parent claims this is happening they may be lying, seriously exaggerating, given to major hyperbole, looking for sympathy falsely gained, the one exception to the rule, or otherwise extremely confused.

amother

Snowflake

Tue, Aug 02 2022, 3:30 pm

In the interest of being fully accurate ftr there are a couple of crazy recent cases in which parents were denied visitation because they would not affirm their minor child's transgendering choice.

So while it can happen that someone is denied visitation it is (fortunately) extremely rare and has nothing to do with full custody.

amother

Tuberose

Tue, Aug 02 2022, 3:37 pm

amother [ Caramel ] wrote:

He prefers to bring in the Reader's Digest than Mishpacha? Makes no sense to me...

amother

Slategray

Tue, Aug 02 2022, 3:56 pm

amother [ Caramel ] wrote:

What envelope are they trying to push, exactly? What is wrong with making an honourable living through public service or acknowledging that not all frum families look the same?

amother

Tue, Aug 02 2022, 3:58 pm

amother [ Snowflake ] wrote:

Point is that their Rabbi told him he would never see the kids again if he changed anything publicly.
It does happen sometimes.
This isn’t the first time people have fought OTD spouses that way.

amother

Crimson

Wed, Aug 03 2022, 7:58 am

Mishpacha has been pushing the envelope since they started. From the beginning they were featuring topics no one else did. I remember years ago they put eating disorders on the cover and at that point it was something never talked about. I don’t see this as something new but a progression of what they’ve always done.

amother

Caramel

Wed, Aug 03 2022, 8:26 am

amother [ Tuberose ] wrote:

He prefers to bring in the Reader's Digest than Mishpacha? Makes no sense to me...

The Readers Digest isn't trying to brainwash you and the Reader's Digest doesn't come across as having a hidden agenda. They are who they are and clearly a magazine that does not represent Torah haskafa. We are not so insular that my husband doesn't want my children to read it. They know that not everything written in it is OK

Misphacha does come across to him as having a hidden agenda and trying to brainwash. Therefore he no longer wants it in the house. He doesn't trust to them be the ones to preach to my children how to view the world. Let alone preach what Torah haskafa is

leah233

Wed, Aug 03 2022, 9:11 am

amother [ Tuberose ] wrote:

He prefers to bring in the Reader's Digest than Mishpacha? Makes no sense to me...

If you have an issue with the Reader's Digest be aware that Misphacha magazine can promote a lot worse. A few weeks ago, one of their regular columnists had an article about how his ruchnius was enhanced by subscribing to the New York Times. He may, or may not, have meant that literally but it was clearly an effort to promote the New York Times, which has way more apikorsus and antisemitism than the Readers Digest.

Last edited by leah233 on Wed, Aug 03 2022, 9:14 am; edited 1 time in total

watergirl

Wed, Aug 03 2022, 9:11 am

amother [ Caramel ] wrote:

Interesting. If you compare Mishpacha to Ami, the Ami is very sensationalist, has defended criminals and cults, does not cite sources with journalistic integrity, and makes wild claims without backing it up. If one of these two magazines is to be considered more reliable, and more inclusive and interested in Ahavas Yisrael, it's Mishpacha. I really love how in any one week, Mishpacha features a chassid, a Dati Leumi, someone from the yeshivish velt, and a rebbitzen I've never heard of until then. Where else does one get exposed to all of the very legitimate frum walks of life? I also really appreciate how Mishpacha features professionals who have actual accreditations, as opposed to coaches and "nutritionists". I appreciate reading articles from psychologists, social workers, masters in Ed., Registered Dietitians, etc. Ami, by contrast, has featured people and topics that are literally banned on this very website.

I'm shocked you just said Mishpacha is trying to brainwash people. That in and of itself is so hyperbolic and baseless.

You know me, I feel to each their own and if you do not like one, don't buy it. If you like the other, buy it. I took issue with your statement about brainwashing and not Torah hashkafa.

amother

Cerise

Wed, Aug 03 2022, 9:28 am

leah233 wrote:

I read that. I really don't think he was trying to promote the NYT. I think he just likes to play devils advocate and write stuff that gets people to debate him. I'm not a big fan of his column, but that's just because I don't like his writing style--too meandering. He's hardly a liberal, either. Quite conservative. Really all he said was, he took advantage of a cheap subscription offer, and was a pleasantly surprised to see that there are often articles that are positive towards Jews/frum people even if overall they are politically biased against Israel when it comes to Israel's vs Palestinian debate. I don't know why that's so shocking or why it puts his columns beyond the pale.

BTW, a few years ago I read an interview of an editor/publisher of one of the other very frum papers (as in, pple who don't read Mishpacha bec it's not frum enough will read his papers) and he said literally that "the NYT is like his Bible," he reads it every day cover to cover. Now, he's not going to write that in his weekly column, I am pretty sure his average reader would be shocked and that most of them eschew the NYT as a matter of principle. But he freely said that when being interviewed for a magazine article written for a secular audience.

leah233

Wed, Aug 03 2022, 9:44 am

amother [ Cerise ] wrote:

I find it very difficult to believe that someone who is too frum to read Mishpacha would say "the NYT is like his Bible," he reads it every day cover to cover to a secular publication . And a editor/publisher can't possibly think he can say something to the media without it getting out . Can you provide a link?

watergirl

Wed, Aug 03 2022, 9:47 am

leah233 wrote:

I find it very difficult to believe that someone who is too frum to read Mishpacha would say "the NYT is like his Bible," he reads it every day cover to cover to a secular publication . And a editor/publisher can'r possibly think he can say something to the media without it getting out . Can you provide a link?

You are misreading what she said. She did not say he was too frum to read Mishpacha. She said he was an editor of one of the publications which someone else, who would not read mishpacha would read. . The statement was made by the publisher of the other magazine, and it was made when he was being interviewed by a secular publication.

My guess is that he does not read the NYT but he said it to appear smarter or more worldly.