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How to tap into the day with a baby

 
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amother




OP
 

Post Sat, Aug 06 2022, 9:59 pm
Any ideas of how I can tap into tisha bav?
Do I have to listen to kinnot/eicha? Im sefardi

18 month old toddler and hard to do much with him. He needs constant supervision and playing.
It will be a regular day for the most part... wake up at 5:30 am feed breakfast, play a bit, il read a book, put down for a nap... (I hope 2 hours sometimes it can be an hour)... then my baby is up for the rest of the day and I hve to entertain him. he can be a bit kvetchy especially since he isnt talking or walking yet...

I feel bad because during his nap time id rather just lie down and read a book instead of listen to a shiur Sad I downloaded some holocaust novels...

my husband will be in shul a lot
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amother




Oak
 

Post Sat, Aug 06 2022, 10:02 pm
Are you fasting? If so, just focus on getting through the day ans don’t worry about it meaningful. Your job as a mom is to take care of your kid and nothing else.

Speaking as a min of a 9 month old here. If I can make it through the fast (I have a heter to stop fasting if I don’t feel good because I’m nursing) then I’ll consider it a win
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amother




OP
 

Post Sat, Aug 06 2022, 10:03 pm
amother [ Oak ] wrote:
Are you fasting? If so, just focus on getting through the day ans don’t worry about it meaningful. Your job as a mom is to take care of your kid and nothing else.

Speaking as a min of a 9 month old here. If I can make it through the fast (I have a heter to stop fasting if I don’t feel good because I’m nursing) then I’ll consider it a win


not nursing. and no heter not to fast. didnt even think to ask. im usually a good faster, if I need to break ill have my husband call tom
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amother




Mimosa
 

Post Sat, Aug 06 2022, 10:03 pm
Regular schedule tomorrow... I'll see if I can handle getting them to play outside otherwise we're playing at home enjoy them this is your job rn... when they're older you'll have time for eicha kinnos etc...

Hopefully will get to listen or watch one of shuirim listed online
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Thisisnotmyreal




 
 
 
 

Post Sat, Aug 06 2022, 10:04 pm
Think that you are comforting Hashem everything time you are comforting your baby. Every time you are making your baby giggle, you are flashing Hashem sparks of joy in His saddest moments.
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amother




OP
 

Post Sat, Aug 06 2022, 10:06 pm
Thisisnotmyreal wrote:
Think that you are comforting Hashem everything time you are comforting your baby. Every time you are making your baby giggle, you are flashing Hashem sparks of joy in His saddest moments.


very nice thanks for that
I felt so much closer to hashem when I was single in shidduchim. Always davening. I cant remember the last time I davened or spoke to him like I did a few years ago
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amother




Alyssum
 

Post Sat, Aug 06 2022, 10:14 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
very nice thanks for that
I felt so much closer to hashem when I was single in shidduchim. Always davening. I cant remember the last time I davened or spoke to him like I did a few years ago


I feel the same way and it hurts so much.
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amother




Mimosa
 

Post Sat, Aug 06 2022, 10:21 pm
Just know HKB"H loves showering your babies with love - this are our responsibility right now... they're entrusted in us to be cared for loved, sung to, played with share the shabbos songs, I've been singing songs mashiach songs to get them to bed... it's all perspective - what you're doing is fulfilling your tafkid - its full of kedusha taking care of your home is your mikdash we're not like men who need to be in shul...

I hope this helps you feel fulfilled this tisha bav
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amother




OP
 

Post Sat, Aug 06 2022, 10:23 pm
amother [ Alyssum ] wrote:
I feel the same way and it hurts so much.


I try my best when im holding my baby I say thank u hashem for giving me the zechus to be his mommy but its not the same as davening from a siddur and going to shiurim and just feeling more connected.

I thought being a married woman would bring its perks of closeness to hashem
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amother




OP
 

Post Sat, Aug 06 2022, 10:24 pm
amother [ Mimosa ] wrote:
Just know HKB"H loves showering your babies with love - this are our responsibility right now... they're entrusted in us to be cared for loved, sung to, played with share the shabbos songs, I've been singing songs mashiach songs to get them to bed... it's all perspective - what you're doing is fulfilling your tafkid - its full of kedusha taking care of your home is your mikdash we're not like men who need to be in shul...

I hope this helps you feel fulfilled this tisha bav


I feel so out of the loop and can not relate to the numerous threads on this board asking for shiurim and recordings. when do these ladies find time to listen?
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amother




Honey
 

Post Sat, Aug 06 2022, 10:43 pm
Im also trying to figure it out. In the hospital post birth. Baby needs to stay for extra time, but I'm feeling ok. Not sure where to place myself, especially because I'm not with baby or other kids.
Need to occupy myself, but can't sit watching tisha bav videos all day.
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amother




OP
 

Post Sat, Aug 06 2022, 10:47 pm
amother [ Honey ] wrote:
Im also trying to figure it out. In the hospital post birth. Baby needs to stay for extra time, but I'm feeling ok. Not sure where to place myself, especially because I'm not with baby or other kids.
Need to occupy myself, but can't sit watching tisha bav videos all day.


you literally just had a baby I wouldnt worry!
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amother




Dahlia
 

Post Sat, Aug 06 2022, 11:06 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I feel so out of the loop and can not relate to the numerous threads on this board asking for shiurim and recordings. when do these ladies find time to listen?


I’m pregnant with my first so I have lots of time lol. Not everyone has kids - you just need to be married to be on this site.
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amother




OP
 

Post Sat, Aug 06 2022, 11:22 pm
amother [ Dahlia ] wrote:
I’m pregnant with my first so I have lots of time lol. Not everyone has kids - you just need to be married to be on this site.


I know some of the posters who commented have kids thats why I asked. I know not everyone on this website has children, I was just curious how mothers to small babies have time for shiurim and then it got me thinking that im doing something wrong...
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amother




Dahlia
 

Post Sat, Aug 06 2022, 11:43 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I know some of the posters who commented have kids thats why I asked. I know not everyone on this website has children, I was just curious how mothers to small babies have time for shiurim and then it got me thinking that im doing something wrong...


Oh that makes sense.
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amother




DarkMagenta
 

Post Sat, Aug 06 2022, 11:45 pm
Many years ago, I had my first baby in June. Tisha B'av was my "wake up call" that things had changed dramatically in my life. I remember standing in the back of the shul with my baby in a baby bjorn carrier trying to listen to Eicha. At that moment it became clear that it was not going to be easy living the same life religiously as I had before. You will learn to connect in different ways. Your role as a mother is an incredibly important one and you will help build the basis for your children's connection to HKBH. Once your children grow up a bit, you will again have the freedom to concentrate on your own connection. IF you can take a small amount of time to think about the day or learn on your own as your baby sleeps, that's also worthwhile. Wishing you a meaningful fast.
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amother




Cyclamen
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 1:41 am
Mother of littles here.

I read something in Family First that really struck with me. Only think about this if you're strong enough emotionally...

I'll quote it, it's beautifully said by Shoshana Schwartz.
"It's a challenge to experience Tishah B'Av when you're blessed, as I am, with small children...Yirmiyahu's Jerusalem is a mother, like me. Her role is defined by the children she shelters and loves.
But she hasn't spent the last few hours holding, nurturing, or comforting her children. Her children are gone, their beds empty, their favorite books unread and their toys untouched. She sits alone, knowing that as late as she remains awake, as long as she sits at her post, no one is on their way home."

Just contemplate that as you go through your day. That's enough to make you feel the pain, which is the goal and focus of the day.
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amother




Foxglove
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 2:47 am
I'm making an effort to sit on the floor until chatzot.
I'm not fasting (pregnant) and have a 15 month old, so it's definitely harder to feel the day. But it's the little things that make a difference.
I will try to take some time to speak to HaShem during naptime, but will most likely sleep.
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amother




Latte
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 8:04 am
I struggle with the same thing. I'll probably grab a pair of headphones and listen to one of the Kinnos webcasts while I dealt with the kids this morning. My husband and I were discussing cooking food and cleaning up and he told me the rule is nothing time consuming in the morning to take our minds off mourning. I laughed and commented that it's not like I'll be saying Kinnos if I'm not cooking breakfast, I'll be playing candyland!
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