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Letting baby cry
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 7:29 am
Hi! I’m the OP of the thread about stopping night feedings for my seven month old. I work full time during the school year and during the summer I am able to reduce my hours. I am now home with my baby for half a day most days. Since my baby was born, he got easily frustrated and cried a lot. For example, when I put him on his stomach he screams. I have tried every tummy time trick in the book- a wedge, mirror, plastic mat filled with water… I try to put him on his stomach for short intervals multiple times during the day since he won’t tolerate long stretches, but usually he screams after a minute. He also doesn’t like when I put him down in general… he cries after five minutes on his back.. then I put him in sitting and he cries again after five minutes. I’m at the point where I can’t get anything done. In general, I pick him up when he cries unless I’m making supper- in that case, I let him fuss for a few minutes.

BH he’s strong and has reached most his milestones. He doesn’t pivot on his stomach, which concerns me a little but is understandable given how much he hates tummy time.

As stated in the other thread, he’s also waking up every 5 hours at night for a bottle. I try to stretch the time by giving him his pacifier but he becomes inconsolable.

I’m wondering if anyone has any advice for putting him down during the day. Am I doing something wrong by not letting him cry? Sometimes I come just to sit near him without picking him up but that makes his crying worse. Any advice would be helpful!
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 7:32 am
Don’t let your baby cry. It’s much better for his attachment and long term development to be there for him when he needs you. Obviously if your in The bathroom and he is crying what should you do. But always try to respond right away. If your making supper stop what your doing to calm him down and then return to your prep. There is no such thing as a “spoiled baby”.
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 7:35 am
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shaqued_almond




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 7:40 am
Gosh... She's not neglecting her baby. You might need a few days for the cry it out method to work. But it's more for falling asleep on their own. Some babies just need nightly feeding and it'll balance out once their brain developes more. There's nothing you can do to speed up that process. Tummy time is a different issue. You should put baby on the stomach as soon as he wakes up, as much time as possible.
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amother
Bottlebrush


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 7:41 am
I could have written this. Turns out baby is suffering from allergies and GI issues from them.

As we work on figuring them out she's becoming happier and happier.
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amother
Clematis


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 7:42 am
Not tolerating tummy time can be a sign of oral ties. Has he been properly evaluated for them?
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 7:45 am
shaqued_almond wrote:
Gosh... She's not neglecting her baby. You might need a few days for the cry it out method to work. But it's more for falling asleep on their own. Some babies just need nightly feeding and it'll balance out once their brain developes more. There's nothing you can do to speed up that process. Tummy time is a different issue. You should put baby on the stomach as soon as he wakes up, as much time as possible.

Im sure she doesn’t mean to be neglecting her baby but sometimes we don’t know better. I also didn’t know better at points in my life and that’s ok, we live and we learn. This post isn’t about night time sleep, it’s about during the day. If your baby is crying during the day then pick the baby up and try to figure out what’s wrong. Pretty simple stuff here.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 7:46 am
amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:
I see that you sit near him when he is crying and don’t pick him up. Why are you doing that? That’s neglecting him. Please pick up your baby when he is crying. Crying is your baby’s way of talking that he can express himself with. Listen to his cries and try to understand the issue. Is he cold? Thirsty? Bored? Teething? Tired? Uncomfortable?
Enjoy your baby!


I am not neglecting my baby. Sometimes I sit near him for a minute to show him I’m here, it’s ok. I do this for around 30 seconds to see if it helps. It doesn’t, and then I pick up him.
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BrisketBoss




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 7:48 am
Tummy time is of questionable value. I know a lot of pediatricians promote it today but there is another school of thought, promoted by Dr. Emmi Pikler (if you've ever heard of the Pikler triangle) and Magda Gerber under his influence, that suggests natural motor development is best. That means putting your baby on their back, where they are most comfortable, and letting them figure out the rest. Never sitting them up before they learn how to sit or standing them up before they learn how to stand. Babies raised this way move more confidently, effectively, and safely.

Of course, take it or leave it, it's just a different perspective to consider. https://thepiklercollection.we......html

Anyway, what you're doing sounds fine to me. You are being responsive to your child. Continue to give him these short intervals to be down on the floor and hopefully his stamina will gradually increase.
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 7:49 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I am not neglecting my baby. Sometimes I sit near him for a minute to show him I’m here, it’s ok. I do this for around 30 seconds to see if it helps. It doesn’t, and then I pick up him.

Why are you doing that for 30 seconds? Babies need instant response. Maybe learn more about babies development and attachment. I found that to be very helpful in understanding babies.
When you respond right away that will help your baby cry less as they learn to trust that you will be there for them. They will be more secure and be more content. Also if there is a physical reason for his cries you can deal with that sooner and address the issue. Why are you purposely allowing him to cry longer?
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 7:50 am
amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:
Im sure she doesn’t mean to be neglecting her baby but sometimes we don’t know better. I also didn’t know better at points in my life and that’s ok, we live and we learn. This post isn’t about night time sleep, it’s about during the day. If your baby is crying during the day then pick the baby up and try to figure out what’s wrong. Pretty simple stuff here.


My son cries at least every five minutes when he is on the floor, usually more often that that. Sometimes, I have to get something done like make supper. In that case, I let him cry for under five minutes just to quickly throw supper together, or I put him in his bouncer (which I hate doing but reserve it for when something must get done, like dinner). I literally do nothing else when I am home with him. I don’t clean, I don’t organize, I am just fully available to pick him up every five minutes and comfort him. My entire day is spent either playing with him or picking him up every five minutes, other than when he naps.
Do you still think I am neglecting him?
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 7:51 am
amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:
Why are you doing that for 30 seconds? Babies need instant response. Maybe learn more about babies development and attachment. I found that to be very helpful in understanding babies.
When you respond right away that will help your baby cry less as they learn to trust that you will be there for them. They will be more secure and be more content. Also if there is a physical reason for his cries you can deal with that sooner and address the issue. Why are you purposely allowing
him to cry longer?


Please read my response above. I don’t think you understand what is going on here.
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BrisketBoss




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 7:52 am
Being home taking care of a baby all by yourself is difficult and unnatural.
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amother
Eggplant


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 7:52 am
amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:
Why are you doing that for 30 seconds? Babies need instant response. Maybe learn more about babies development and attachment. I found that to be very helpful in understanding babies.
When you respond right away that will help your baby cry less as they learn to trust that you will be there for them. They will be more secure and be more content. Also if there is a physical reason for his cries you can deal with that sooner and address the issue. Why are you purposely allowing him to cry longer?


Oh gosh, 30 seconds is instant response! It's not neglect for a baby to cry for 30 seconds, or a minute, or more. I'm sure your babies cry for 30 seconds.
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amother
Firethorn


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 7:52 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I am not neglecting my baby. Sometimes I sit near him for a minute to show him I’m here, it’s ok. I do this for around 30 seconds to see if it helps. It doesn’t, and then I pick up him.


Please filter out any judgmental unhelpful responses. IME any parenting "advice" that raises your guilt and anxiety level is more damaging to the parent child bond than waiting 5 minutes to pick up a baby.

To be a responsive parent you need to feel good about yourself and how you're raising your child. It sounds like you're doing great.
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amother
Seafoam


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 7:52 am
For tummy time, do it on your chest to gradually wean them to loving tummy time. Babies love lying on their moms chest and seeing your smiling face.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 7:53 am
amother [ Bottlebrush ] wrote:
I could have written this. Turns out baby is suffering from allergies and GI issues from them.

As we work on figuring them out she's becoming happier and happier.


I always suspected GI issues because he was a colicky baby until around 3 months. However, we have tried eliminating milk and then corn from his diet with no results. He loves to eat and has no other signs of GI issues or allergies that I know of. How did you figure this out?
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amother
Eggplant


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 7:54 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My son cries at least every five minutes when he is on the floor, usually more often that that. Sometimes, I have to get something done like make supper. In that case, I let him cry for under five minutes just to quickly throw supper together, or I put him in his bouncer (which I hate doing but reserve it for when something must get done, like dinner). I literally do nothing else when I am home with him. I don’t clean, I don’t organize, I am just fully available to pick him up every five minutes and comfort him. My entire day is spent either playing with him or picking him up every five minutes, other than when he naps.
Do you still think I am neglecting him?


No, you are NOT neglecting him! You're doing great, ignore the judgmental haters. You're doing very well. Babies cry. It's part of being a baby.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 7:56 am
BrisketBoss wrote:
Being home taking care of a baby all by yourself is difficult and unnatural.


That’s interesting! I am a therapist in a school so I can reduce my summer hours. Financially, I don’t need to work at all in the summer, but I work part time just to give myself some structure. I wanted to be home with my son a little because he’s with the babysitter all year. I knew it would be hard but I felt like I’m his mom and this is really my job.
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amother
Firethorn


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 7:56 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
My son cries at least every five minutes when he is on the floor, usually more often that that. Sometimes, I have to get something done like make supper. In that case, I let him cry for under five minutes just to quickly throw supper together, or I put him in his bouncer (which I hate doing but reserve it for when something must get done, like dinner). I literally do nothing else when I am home with him. I don’t clean, I don’t organize, I am just fully available to pick him up every five minutes and comfort him. My entire day is spent either playing with him or picking him up every five minutes, other than when he naps.
Do you still think I am neglecting him?


Oyoyoyoy OP.

You must NOT let yourself get triggered by anonymous posters on imamother. Not in this thread or any other thread. You do NOT need to answer to her or defend yourself to her. You don't need her validation that you're a good, non neglectful mother.

The MOST important thing you can do for your own and your child's future sanity is to develop your own critical thinking skills and judgment. Do I think I'm being neglectful and abusive? No? Then move on. If you're not sure, consult with an experienced person you trust. Not a random ima who very likely is imposing on you her own parenting fears and neuroses.
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