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Forum -> Yom Tov / Holidays -> Shabbos, Rosh Chodesh, Fast Days, and other Days of Note
Growing up, was Tisha Bav miserable or inspiring?
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 9:18 am
I have such bad memories of Tisha Bav in my house and not the good type of inspiring or yearning for Mashiach. My parents made it just a miserable day. I remember getting yelled at for going on aish.com for inspiration. They were so stuck on not being allowed to say hello when you pick up the phone. So I don’t push my kids at all. And I hope they will just be inspired by whatever I do. My husband doesn’t even try. He fasts and goes to minyan, I’m not putting him down, but he has no problem watching secular movies, reading secular books even before chatzos. It’s so different than the way I grew up and I don’t think it’s the best role model for my kids, but I just don’t think being miserable is the way. I have PTSD when I think back to my childhood Tisha Bavs. I’m not asking for advice as much as wondering if others have had similar experiences.
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amother
Catmint


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 9:22 am
Yes we had to fast even though I’m a terrible faster. I was a tiny kid and would lay on the couch the whole day in agony feeling like my insides were burning. We had to read holocaust books.
I sat on the floor a few days ago sobbing my eyes out for the pain in my life- and had tisha bav in mind. Do you think I’m yotzai?
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meeze




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 9:22 am
Horrible experience. Mother forced us to listen to rabonim cry over the beis hamikdush.
Couldn't wait for the day to be over
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 9:25 am
I dont remember when I was very small but I remember being in sleep away camp and they showed us operation thunderbolt toward the end of the day and we had shiurim in the beginning.
Once I was older the day was just a day that had to pass. I was never a good faster so this was a day that when I was in high school, I stayed home and read or maybe watched something relevant. The internet has made that much easier, but we didnt have internet in my home until I was finished with high school. But nothing miserable about the day. It was a sad day and my parents always went to shiurim and asked if we wanted to go.
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amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 9:26 am
Last night before Shabbos was over, but the fast had started, there wasn’t much to do and we ended up sitting around laughing. I felt a little bad, but I’d kind of prefer that my kids have positive memories of their childhood. (They’re teens by the way, I don’t mean little kids.) Once Shabbos was over I guess it became slightly more serious and one of my kids somehow agreed to watch something inspirational with me (not forced at all). Now halfway through the day and everyone fasting, naturally no one is in their jolliest moods.
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English3




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 9:29 am
Tisha bav was a very special day. At night, my great aunties and grandmother used to get together and read the tzena urena and the kids used to play. In the morning we would sit on the mattress and read stories from the churban. After chatzsos we used to bake a lot and rest or read holocaust books when older. And after the fast we used to get delicious food.
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amother
Nemesia


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 9:37 am
May our suffering and sadness turn to joy now with the coming of Moshiach tzidkeinu b’rachamim!
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watergirl




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 9:43 am
Tisha B’Av (and deep dish pizza) is the reason I became frum.

As a kid, I had never heard of this day. I went to a Jewish (but not frum) day school. One summer, I was old enough to go to overnight camp and I chose a different camp than the one my classmates went to (I was not a kid who had friends in school). The camp I ended up at was a Modern Orthodox camp. I was exposed to a new way to do shabbos, a new way to “do Jewish” in general. Then there was this thing called “the nine days”… then there was a thing called Tisha B’Av. Such a sad, important day! How come I never heard about it? What else is there that was left out?

So I started to wonder what else was left out of my Jewish education. I stopped trusting my school and family’s version of how a Jew lives and I started asking questions… it lead me down the path to Torah.

(The deep dish pizza is a story for another thread.)
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Chickensoupprof




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 9:46 am
I keep tisha b'av since I was 24 if I recall correctly can also be since I was 23. I never made it heavy for myself I watched holocaust movies. I remember that when I was dating DH (I was 24 then) I watched Schindler List and I cried so heavy like I was totally upset. I never saw it again while I've heard DH did that every year as a kid... I need to connect every year to a different aspect on tisha b'av today I have a heter to eat, and ok so I connect to the day differently. I didn't feel today to watch hard things I listen to a few shiurim and been lazy...
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amother
Beige


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 9:50 am
Fast days in general are very hard for me. I was starved as a child. Only got the meals my mother made and she wasn’t a good cook and went to sleep hungry most nights. We weren’t even allowed to take a cup of water when we wanted. I once ate a half tube of toothpaste from hunger.

Fasting brings it all up for me and makes me very angry. I’m preg and don’t need to fast today but just the whole day brings out a very not good part of me.
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amother
Clover


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 9:53 am
Shabbatiscoming, I wonder if we went to the same camp around the same time. Operation Thunderbolt, every year, and a morning of sitting on the grass or tennis courts outside listening or not. And of course, no air conditioning. Tisha B'av in camp was always better than at home. The night programming was really meaningful to me, and I actually listened to the morning shiurim too.

At home, what I loved was going to Eichah at night. Every family sat in little groups along the floor, the lights were on but low, and most families brought a single small candlestick and Shabbos candle that we gathered around. Five different men from the shul each read a perek, from wherever they happened to be sitting. Five voices from five different places felt like various people from the nation telling their stories, which felt real to me even when I didn't understand the words- I just looked at the candle.

At home, we had no tv until chatzos (and that's all there was- no internet, no tisha bav videos.) I read Holocaust-themed books until chatzos and then we just watched whatever. I followed, but nobody would say anything about what I did in my own room.
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amother
Papayawhip


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 9:55 am
You have to read the religious abuse article in mishpacha this week. It's probably wasn't only 9 av. It probably was everything else.
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amother
Lotus


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 9:55 am
Neither miserable nor inspiring.
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amother
Peach


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 9:58 am
I have a very hard time. I get physically sick every year a few days before tisha baav it’s psychological for sure. I had to fast when I was 11 and really resented it. Ive struggled every year since and I’m a terrible faster. My dd who’s not yet bas mitzva for awhile has been fasting till now and it’s chatzos soon and I’m in awe of her. She insisted on her own even if I insisted she didn’t have to before bas mitzva. Kids don’t watch at night if they want to I let them watch before chatzos we sit on the floor and play board games I can’t bring myself to watch anything related to tisha baav got disillusioned at a young age already.
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 10:02 am
amother [ Clover ] wrote:
Shabbatiscoming, I wonder if we went to the same camp around the same time. Operation Thunderbolt, every year, and a morning of sitting on the grass or tennis courts outside listening or not. And of course, no air conditioning. Tisha B'av in camp was always better than at home. The night programming was really meaningful to me, and I actually listened to the morning shiurim too.
I went to Moshava IO for a few years.
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amother
Peachpuff


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 10:14 am
amother [ Beige ] wrote:
Fast days in general are very hard for me. I was starved as a child. Only got the meals my mother made and she wasn’t a good cook and went to sleep hungry most nights. We weren’t even allowed to take a cup of water when we wanted. I once ate a half tube of toothpaste from hunger.

Fasting brings it all up for me and makes me very angry. I’m preg and don’t need to fast today but just the whole day brings out a very not good part of me.

So many hugs! So so painful 😓
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amother
Clover


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 10:14 am
shabbatiscoming wrote:
I went to Moshava IO for a few years.


Yes.
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amother
Forestgreen


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 10:15 am
I don't remember 9 Av specifically as a little kid, but once I was old enough to go to shul for Eicha and fast myself I remember it being more meaningful. Certainly 9 Av in sleepaway camp is more meaningful than anything at home.

Now I just try to get through the day as best as I can. The kids need to eat and be entertained and I just have no energy. I don't do well with heat on a non fast day, but on a fast day when I can't drink then it's even worse so we stay home in air conditioning. When they're old enough that we can all go to shul for Eicha I hope it will be more meaningful again.
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amother
Maize


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 10:20 am
I remember it being a sad day and lots of rules.

We werent allowed to wear our trainers , (myfather heard from someone about it being too 'comfortable')I just remember tisha bov and yom kippur as a day we checked out everyone elses footwear.

We didnt have loads of options like my kids have ,crocs, sneakers, non leather shoes.

We sat round the dining room on the floor all being shushed so the men and boys could hear the kinnos.
Funnily enough ny husband still does the same.

At the end of the fast anyone who had fasted got a really nice meal. I remember being part of the younger ones being so jelous.
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amother
Mintcream


 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 10:20 am
Tisha B'av when I was growing up was beautiful and inspiring.
Burning the ashes for seuda mafsekes was a great game for us kids. Then the whole family sat together on pillows to eat seuda mafsekes. Later while my mother put the younger kids to sleep my father would sit and read us stories about the churban.
In the morning While my father was in shul we listened to stories on Chazaq or Kol halashon. When he came back he would talk to us about the beis hamikdash.
Once chatzos came those who fasted well would cook up a storm in the kitchen while the others rested in bed or on the couches.
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