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My son ate our chocolate cake & brownies
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 1:35 pm
Somehow he was given the info that he can break his fast b/c it’s a nidche
He’s high functioning asd
& usually fasts really well.

I’m so upset at him. But he fibbed about it & denies it.
But our brownies & chocolate cake is missing.
& I DONT want to bake anything. & I was really looking forward to eating what I thought we had

I know I sound like a big baby but it’s not easy to fast 😞
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amother




Firebrick
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 1:38 pm
Aww I totally get it, im sorry, I would feel exactly the same. Even when Im not fasting sometimes...

My son whose 8 also has high functioning Asd and when he lies, he pretty much doesnt give up.
Takes a long time for him to own up.
But really bugs me.

Can you buy any cakes etc?
Wishing you an easy fast for the rest of it.
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amother




Iris
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 1:39 pm
Can you buy?
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Rubber Ducky




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 1:48 pm
If you feel up to it, bake some brownies. You'll feel better after eating something chocolate tonight.
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amother




Oak
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 1:50 pm
Send him to the grocery for a new stash.
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 1:50 pm
I know. But I do so much for him….
Like everything. & it’s so selfish of him to do this.
Does he really have no self control that he can’t help himself?
He’s 17 by the way, not 8
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amother




Bisque
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 1:53 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I know. But I do so much for him….
Like everything. & it’s so selfish of him to do this.
Does he really have no self control that he can’t help himself?
He’s 17 by the way, not 8
He sounds impulsive. He probably feels bad about it now and that’s why he’s denying it. Can you give him a cake mix so he can replace it.
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imasinger




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 2:08 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
I know. But I do so much for him….
Like everything. & it’s so selfish of him to do this.
Does he really have no self control that he can’t help himself?
He’s 17 by the way, not 8


He probably really does struggle with self control. It goes with the turf.

I third the motion to have him bake a replacement, if you can deal with the tempting smell of something baking before the fast ends. Or buying something pre-baked.

What kind of help are you currently getting with him?
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rachelli66




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 2:10 pm
Send him to the store to buy some cake. Don't make a big deal about his breaking the fast.
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amother




DarkPurple
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 2:38 pm
Op, I have a similar son, with NVLD (similar to ASD), around the same age. He definitely eats all the sweets in our house if I don't hide them. He also lies when he feels accused. It is maddening, and starts to feel like a personal attack.

I actually came on here today for support, because I am having such a difficult day with him.

Here is my question for you (and any other mom with a spectrum disorder -type son):

The biggest thing I struggle with in my relationship with my son is my shame in front of others. I am ashamed that he looks completely normal, handsome, and with it, but his behavior can be slightly socially off and inappropriate. If he could wear a sign on his shirt "I have NVLD," I would feel better...like, no one would expect better of him, and maybe be nicer when he babbles on for attention, etc. But there is no acceptable way to present this to people, including his classmates, who just think he is wired and annoying. My heart breaks for him and for me. How do you deal with this?
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amother




Rainbow
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 2:41 pm
.
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amother




Silver
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 3:05 pm
amother [ DarkPurple ] wrote:
Op, I have a similar son, with NVLD (similar to ASD), around the same age. He definitely eats all the sweets in our house if I don't hide them. He also lies when he feels accused. It is maddening, and starts to feel like a personal attack.

I actually came on here today for support, because I am having such a difficult day with him.

Here is my question for you (and any other mom with a spectrum disorder -type son):

The biggest thing I struggle with in my relationship with my son is my shame in front of others. I am ashamed that he looks completely normal, handsome, and with it, but his behavior can be slightly socially off and inappropriate. If he could wear a sign on his shirt "I have NVLD," I would feel better...like, no one would expect better of him, and maybe be nicer when he babbles on for attention, etc. But there is no acceptable way to present this to people, including his classmates, who just think he is wired and annoying. My heart breaks for him and for me. How do you deal with this?


I actually have the opposite of what you are dealing with - people can tell pretty quickly that my adult son with autism had something "different" about him, once you are around him there's pretty much no way to hide it!

BUT - when he was little, that wasn't the case. People would see him "misbehaving" and would assume that we weren't parenting him right, why didn't we control our child, etc. That was so hard and so painful, and we did in fact buy a button at one point that he would sometimes wear that said "I'm not misbehaving, I have autism, please be understanding".

The only thing I can suggest to you is to remember that he is not doing this to make you uncomfortable, and that most people won't be cruel if they are educated about what is going on.

Does your son realize what's going on, as in, does he realize the kids are looking at him as "different"? Depending on his age, would you and him be comfortable with the idea of letting his school (and maybe even his classmates) know what's going on, so that instead of it being a hidden thing where he seems like a weird kid, people understand that he was born different, and therefore may act different?
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amother




Natural
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 3:07 pm
Remember his body is like a 17 year old but brain is like a 14 years old sorry he ate your cakes not easy but feel for you
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 3:08 pm
So we had a long talk. & he did feel very bad.
& we might another batch of brownies together.

I don’t have energy to get into it but we’re good for now. Thx for all the help ladies & taking time out on 9 av to reply.
Everyone have an easy rest of fast.
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amother




DarkPurple
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 3:11 pm
amother [ Silver ] wrote:
I actually have the opposite of what you are dealing with - people can tell pretty quickly that my adult son with autism had something "different" about him, once you are around him there's pretty much no way to hide it!

BUT - when he was little, that wasn't the case. People would see him "misbehaving" and would assume that we weren't parenting him right, why didn't we control our child, etc. That was so hard and so painful, and we did in fact buy a button at one point that he would sometimes wear that said "I'm not misbehaving, I have autism, please be understanding".

The only thing I can suggest to you is to remember that he is not doing this to make you uncomfortable, and that most people won't be cruel if they are educated about what is going on.

Does your son realize what's going on, as in, does he realize the kids are looking at him as "different"? Depending on his age, would you and him be comfortable with the idea of letting his school (and maybe even his classmates) know what's going on, so that instead of it being a hidden thing where he seems like a weird kid, people understand that he was born different, and therefore may act different?


Thank you so much for your response. He does realize on some level, and feels terrible about his lack of friends, his inability to be "cool enough," etc.
Although in a typical NVLD fashion, he is stubborn and competitive, and not willing to be friends with the boys who might accept him, he is constantly worried about trying to keep up with most socially strong group.

I have considered telling him about his neurological differences for many years. He is extremely difficult to coach, and seems to only want to shift blame to others for his struggles. I am afraid telling him or others will backfire and he will be very angry with me.

The teachers and administration at his school know all about his struggles. The boys have not been told.
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amother




Silver
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 3:12 pm
OP, sorry your are having a rough day :-(

I know it doesn't help right now, but I've found it's sometimes useful to hide the sweets that I want to make sure to get some of in a place away from the other household food (think like in a bag in my bedroom or in my pocketbook).

Re your son - can you teach him to leave the last one of a treat for mommy, so that he learns restraint that way?

If he's old enough and capable enough, I second those who say let him make you a substitute or buy you a substitute, NOT as a punishment, but just as a basic teaching thing, along the lines of 'if you use something up you have to make/buy more of it'.

If that's not possible, maybe you can make/buy something yourself now?

Sorry OP, hope the rest of your fast goes better Hug
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amother




DarkPurple
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 3:16 pm
amother [ Silver ] wrote:
I actually have the opposite of what you are dealing with - people can tell pretty quickly that my adult son with autism had something "different" about him, once you are around him there's pretty much no way to hide it!

BUT - when he was little, that wasn't the case. People would see him "misbehaving" and would assume that we weren't parenting him right, why didn't we control our child, etc. That was so hard and so painful, and we did in fact buy a button at one point that he would sometimes wear that said "I'm not misbehaving, I have autism, please be understanding".

The only thing I can suggest to you is to remember that he is not doing this to make you uncomfortable, and that most people won't be cruel if they are educated about what is going on.

Does your son realize what's going on, as in, does he realize the kids are looking at him as "different"? Depending on his age, would you and him be comfortable with the idea of letting his school (and maybe even his classmates) know what's going on, so that instead of it being a hidden thing where he seems like a weird kid, people understand that he was born different, and therefore may act different?


I also want to add that you are blessed that people can see your son's ASD as soon as they start speaking to him. That makes your life so much easier. I am happy for you. My son is actually not on the spectrum...but his processing disorder gives him many of the same symptoms. He is so attention seeking (which make sense, as boys his age do not give him attention), we cannot have a Shabbos seuda without him monopolizing all the conversation, or making inappropriate noises and comments and talking over anyone else that wants to speak. This includes Shabbos seudos with guests. We have been working on this for years, I have given up.
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amother




Silver
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 3:18 pm
amother [ DarkPurple ] wrote:
Thank you so much for your response. He does realize on some level, and feels terrible about his lack of friends, his inability to be "cool enough," etc.
Although in a typical NVLD fashion, he is stubborn and competitive, and not willing to be friends with the boys who might accept him, he is constantly worried about trying to keep up with most socially strong group.

I have considered telling him about his neurological differences for many years. He is extremely difficult to coach, and seems to only want to shift blame to others for his struggles. I am afraid telling him or others will backfire and he will be very angry with me.

The teachers and administration at his school know all about his struggles. The boys have not been told.


I don't know your son's age, or his developmental one for that matter, but if he's capable of handling new information and looking things up, I think it might be really helpful for him to learn that his troubles have a name, that he's not the only person in the world dealing with this, and that his doctor and various websites can give him more information about dealing with it.

I would hold off on telling his friends until he knows what he has and can weigh in on who he wants told and when. Plus if the kids know before he does, they may tease him with that info, or worse yet, try to talk to him about it, assuming he knows, and he will come off even worse for not knowing information about himself that's public knowledge to others (plus he'll probably deny it, get upset, etc in front of his peers, none of which will help).
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Aug 07 2022, 3:23 pm
amother [ Silver ] wrote:
OP, sorry your are having a rough day :-(

I know it doesn't help right now, but I've found it's sometimes useful to hide the sweets that I want to make sure to get some of in a place away from the other household food (think like in a bag in my bedroom or in my pocketbook).

Re your son - can you teach him to leave the last one of a treat for mommy, so that he learns restraint that way?

If he's old enough and capable enough, I second those who say let him make you a substitute or buy you a substitute, NOT as a punishment, but just as a basic teaching thing, along the lines of 'if you use something up you have to make/buy more of it'.

If that's not possible, maybe you can make/buy something yourself now?

Sorry OP, hope the rest of your fast goes better Hug


I think that’s a great idea.
He admited that he’s not sure when he eats something if me or my dh will want it or not. & that’s why he eats it all!
I told him that he should ask us if we want some & even though we don’t eat it right away, it doesn’t mean we don’t want it.
But if he knows to leave the last 2 pieces of treats for me & my dh, that will give him the clear boundaries that his brain needs.
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amother




Steelblue
 

Post Mon, Aug 08 2022, 1:15 pm
I have this with my 16 year old son with ADHD. He struggles to understand what a fair portion to take is, for something that’s intended for the whole family. He gulps down food so fast he’ll easily be on his fourth helping before anyone else has had seconds. We’re working on it.
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