Such a crazy thing happened….

amother

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 11:40 pm

Earlier this afternoon I had a small fire in my oven .. obviously I yelled really loud and my toddler was right there during the action.
I yelled for my husband while pouring water over the small flame I saw in the oven and all was good.
My baby now refuses to go into the kitchen. She won’t step foot no matter what I bribe her with.. what can I do about this? Can a toddler even get traumatized or am I too imamotherd up? Any tips how to help my toddler get past this?
Crying

taketwo

Sun, Aug 07 2022, 11:49 pm

They forget fast, but it's important to first process the trauma by speaking about it so it doesn't stay ingrained. A conversation about it being scary, and then showing that it's no more scary now is very important. Then you take babysteps getting her into the kitchen. Before you know it she'll be running in and out by herself, but it has to be out of her own will.

amother

Mon, Aug 08 2022, 12:01 am

So I did try holding her and going into the kitchen.. she was kicking and crying and hugging me really tight signaling that she didn’t want to go in. So so unlike her.
I hugged her and clarified no more fire, all good now. Let’s play in the kitchen.. nothing doing.

Now I’m seeing I shouldn’t force… not sure what’s left to do. Hoping it will just go away on its own. I’m also hoping she will see my other kids there and the pull will be too strong to be with everyone else that it just may be worth it for her to go…

amother

Royalblue

Mon, Aug 08 2022, 12:04 am

Be there for your child.

Help her experience this difficult event by nurturing her so she learns that she can handle difficulties and so she knows that there is support out in the world for her.

Trauma is not about what happened. It's about being left to handle it all alone and therefore not being able to move past it.

You can help her move past this by being the comforting understanding presence for her.

taketwo

Mon, Aug 08 2022, 12:04 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Don't push and make sure to talk about the fire that was. Not just that there is no fire now.

amother

Tuberose

Mon, Aug 08 2022, 5:47 am

I once set food in the microwave on fire. I was panicking inside but I quickly pulled the plate out, poured water on it and it was fine. My 2 kids who saw were afraid for a long time after of the microwave. I needed to switch it off immediately when the food was ready or they started panicking.
But I kept reassuring them it wasn't happening and that it was okay. Over time they seem okay. I think it helped that they didn't see me panicking as it made it seem like less of a big deal.

amother

Kiwi

Mon, Aug 08 2022, 6:26 am

My 2-2.5 year old who wasn't yet verbal enough or expressive enough at the time witnessed me panicking when an oil spill caused flames to shoot up and catch the surrounding area on fire. I screamed to my husband who use the fire extinguisher to dose the flame. after that child was scared of cooking but didnt realized how scared dc really was until child became more verbal.

amother

Mintgreen

Mon, Aug 08 2022, 6:52 am

Yes to what TakeTwo said. And only after talking through the experience, use whatever phrase they use to say it's over.

My toddler is at a stage where if they even hear someone talking about a bad experience they had they start crying. For instance, DH asked how she was when she got her vaccine earlier that day. I said "she cried a little but then was okay" but as if on cue, toddler, who heard this conversation, started crying again. So I said "did the vaccine hurt you?" She cried "yeah." Then I said, "and then it was all done?" And she brightened up and said, "All done!"

In your situation your toddler is slightly more resistant right now than the example I gave. But my toddler had so many phobias of items around the house (usually noise making things) but slow exposure helped. Like now she loves vacuuming when in the past she would be in hysterics. You're doing it right. Keep holding her to introduce her, stay calm and use a calm, nonchalant tone. If she resists, move away. I'd try putting something there that she loves, but that's visible when you walk by, to distract her brain from the fear in that moment. Like her favourite treat on a countertop as you nonchalantly walk by, "oh, is that a cookie? I'll have to put that away later." Then when she is willing to go in, you can try laughing really loud about something, it creates an association in the brain, believe it or not. (It's actually probably what happened when you screamed in the kitchen.)

By the way, slightly off topic, but I started using the "talk it through and then discuss how it's over" approach after reading forums where people talk about their kids trauma from past lives and this was the constant advice. Whether you believe in it or not, this sounded like a reasonable approach (hear them out, talk it through, then afterward remind them that they're not there anymore.) For myself, I've found it helpful with my kids for this life stuff.

imasinger

Mon, Aug 08 2022, 7:00 am

I agree, don't try to push her, she'll be over her fear soon. Mintgreen, love those strategies, great ideas!

One further idea. If it lasts more than another day or two, you can make a little book for her, with simple pictures.

"Our kitchen is a happy place. Mommy cooks our food there. I can play with the pots/plastic bins/whatever. We sing and talk together. We are lucky to have a kitchen.

One day, there was a fire in our microwave. I got scared! Mommy yelled for Totty to come. He poured water over the fire, and it went away. There was a bad smell.

Mommy and Totty said the kitchen is safe again. The bad smell went away. They kept me safe. They will always keep me safe! The End.