Toddler tantrum | Imamother

amother

Mon, Aug 08 2022, 12:29 pm

You’re a block away from home, pushing the baby stroller while your toddler walks next to you. All of your sudden your toddler stops short and demands/asks to be held for the rest of the way. While technically doable, that means you pushing a baby stroller and carrying a heavy toddler across the street and down the block. It’s very hard for you to lift heavy things, especially for such a long time. Toddler gets very upset, even with you validating, and refuses to budge.
What do you do? If you continue walking she won’t follow. As far as you can see there’s no real reason for her asking this; she just sometimes likes to exercise her stubborn streak.

emzod42

Mon, Aug 08 2022, 12:33 pm

How young is your toddler? Under 3? For next time I'd get a double stroller or bring a baby carrier along and put baby in that. In your situation I think I'd sit on the curb and hold toddler on my lap for a couple minutes so toddler gets a rest and a little attention/calm down time. Then start again.

ShishKabob

Mon, Aug 08 2022, 12:34 pm

You explain to toddler that it's too heavy for you to hold him while you walk. You have a bunch of options. You can either take out the baby and hold the baby that weighs much less and push the toddler, or You wait patiently as long as you have to till toddler is ok with walking further. Or, I would hold toddler in a stationary position for as long as I need to, till they agree to continue walking.
The only thing you need is patience here. Convey to the child that you will wait as long as they need for them to rest up and then you will continue walking. Hugs and hatzlocha!

amother

Bluebonnet

Mon, Aug 08 2022, 12:38 pm

Yeah for a kid like that I'd make sure to have stroller space for when she gets tired. Double stroller, toddler board, baby carrier whatever works. Not all kids can walk especially in the heat, & even if he's just being stubborn (unlikely) it's not worth the fight.

amother

Offwhite

Mon, Aug 08 2022, 12:59 pm

I think we've all been there and done that. I usually give them a hug for a moment, then try and distract. Look what's over there, can you see etc. Or I bribe them. We'll get a x when we get home.
But yeah it doesn't always work and I find you end up carrying them most of the way.

amother

Mon, Aug 08 2022, 1:06 pm

A lot of the options mentioned don’t work.
She doesn’t usually do this, so it’s not like I could have prepared for it. We went to a store that was a block away.
Baby was in an infant seat so can’t put the toddler there.
I was with another young kid who isn’t much older then her. I couldn’t take all the time in the world to sit with my toddler. I was also in a rush.

This toddler is almost 3.

amother

Dahlia

Mon, Aug 08 2022, 1:11 pm

I would hold the toddler and count down "5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and done" (taking really big steps!) and then see if we could continue walking for a bit. And then do the same thing again if needed. At least I wouldn't have to carry him/her the whole way.

amother

Mon, Aug 08 2022, 1:36 pm

ShishKabob wrote:

So what did you do?

I tried distracting her, walking ahead, etc. Nothing worked. She started yelling and we were right outside peoples houses and I felt bad that they were hearing this so at a certain point I pick her up and brought her to the corner and then she walked.

amother

Mon, Aug 08 2022, 1:36 pm

I know parenting toddlers is all about not getting into a power struggle but sometimes they put you into one.

ShishKabob

Mon, Aug 08 2022, 1:38 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I know parenting toddlers is all about not getting into a power struggle but sometimes they put you into one.

It happens ALL the time. That's what they're here for, to help us work on our middos! Smile

ShishKabob

Mon, Aug 08 2022, 1:39 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You did great!!

amother

Melon

Mon, Aug 08 2022, 1:46 pm

Just because she can't explain herself doesn't mean there's no real reason. There's nothing fun about crying, is there? Why would she voluntarily make herself upset? Some possible reasons: she's tired, her legs hurt, she wants to be close to mommy, she's scared of something. I'm sure there are others. A toddler isn't great with reasoning so it's not super helpful for them to hear why they need to keep walking. Sometimes you can remind them about something exciting waiting at home. Sometimes they'll be willing to have a race. Sometimes you'll probably have to hold them.

amother

Melon

Mon, Aug 08 2022, 1:46 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

But the end result was her getting what she wanted and me forcing myself to do something difficult.

Why is it a bad thing for a toddler to get what she wants? She wasn't asking for something dangerous or unhealthy.

ShishKabob

Mon, Aug 08 2022, 1:49 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

But the end result was her getting what she wanted and me forcing myself to do something difficult.

The point is not that she shouldn't get what she wants. It's only when it conflicts with your will or ability that would prevent you from giving her what she wants. You should try to make her think that she is getting all of the power possible. Then there is no power struggle. For ex: you ask her something, not tell her something. You ask her. so should Mommy hold you for three steps and then you will walk 10 steps? Or, should Mommy give you an ices when we get home? or do you want a snack bag? Make her feel like she is the one making the decision. It's not easy or fun but it's definitely doable if you don't look at it like she is controlling you etc..

amother

Mon, Aug 08 2022, 2:08 pm

I hear.
The point isn’t that she’s getting what she wants. The point is that I said no when she first asked- This is a kid who thrives on firm boundaries in general and I don’t like going back on my word bc then it doesn’t mean anything. And the reason I said no was because it was difficult for me to do it.

ShishKabob

Mon, Aug 08 2022, 2:10 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I hear you. Then you are pretty much upset at yourself because you capitulated to her. It's a tough call.
Work on forgiving yourself for this and make solid plans on how to deal with her going forward.
Hugs and Hatzlocha!

amother

Mulberry

Mon, Aug 08 2022, 2:18 pm

Because I know I'll end up giving in and carrying a little, I usually do a taking turns type of thing where I carry for a few minutes and then she walks, then I carry, then she walks, and hopefully at some point she gets distracted enough to walk the rest of the way. That way I don't go back on my word by saying no I'm not carrying

amother

Trillium

Mon, Aug 08 2022, 3:13 pm

I have no patience for toddler tantrums in public. At the first sign, I'd fling the kid over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes, head downward over my back and feet hanging down my front, and go home. Not saying you should do this, but I'm a busy person and do.not.have.the.time for negotiations and waiting it out.