How do ppl do it | Imamother

amother

Sun, Aug 14 2022, 12:50 pm

This is just a vent bec there isn’t anyone that I can vent to in real life because almost everyone related to me is going on some sort of exotic vacation. I want to go to but we can’t. We can barely or rather not really afford school supplies and winter clothing. And definitely can’t afford a night in a hotel because at this point we don’t even fit into two rooms. My husband works between 60-70 hours a week, I work around 15 hours a week. He actually brings in an okay salary except with a large family everything costs so much money. I guess we are considered poor middle class, too much money to be on any programs but just making it in real life and can’t afford extras. If you’re in the same situation say hi and I’ll know that I’m not the only one lol.
I edited this to add that I am so grateful to a Hashem for our family, our health and our parnassah.

amother

Yellow

Sun, Aug 14 2022, 1:10 pm

Hi, me too.

My husband works, I work and we barely cover.

My husband sister and brother with the families just went on vacations and were stuck home Sad

My sister is upstate the whole summer with her family. My brother and family goes away every weekend.

It's not even about what other people, it's what I don't. I'm truly happy for those who can and do.
I'm just hoping that one day we get our turn.

amother

Chestnut

Sun, Aug 14 2022, 1:18 pm

Hi! Been married 6 years, 3 kids and one on the way, never been on vacation. Only time we leave town is sukkos and pesach to visit my parents, one week in the summer at my husband's parents and one shabbos a couple summers ago we were invited upstate to join a camp. Not sure how it seems like everyone can afford vacations, they're so expensive but everyone I know goes away on a proper vacation at least once a year and I just don't get it

amother

Denim

Sun, Aug 14 2022, 1:41 pm

That is absolutely disgusting.
People who work the system like that are garbage.

amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:

The people around me that are going on vacations, are on food stamps, Medicaid, section 8 & were raking it in during covid. They have money for expensive shoes & vacations.

amother

Hydrangea

Sun, Aug 14 2022, 1:43 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

OP would it help you to reframe your mind that you arent going because you made the decision not to at this time, vs you arent going because you CANT? It might make you feel a lot better about it.

Happens to be we have lots of money put aside and we can easily go on vacation right now, but we are choosing not to go because with the I stability of the economy we feel better having money put aside, and also because we like to show our kids that we can enjoy the small things like hikes and ice cream store visits, and we dont davka do things that others do.

So I am not feeling upset and resentful that we arent going, because I am choosing not to go, knowing that I can.

Maybe you can tell yourself you are choosing not to go?

amother

Marigold

Sun, Aug 14 2022, 1:46 pm

I feel for you OP. BH we do ok, but we can’t afford a vacation this summer either. I’m not complaining because I am very grateful for the things we can afford, and we’re not struggling. I totally get that question of how can other afford it. I’d think we’d be rich given our combined salaries. But the thing is with these questions - for the most part I think the answer is that they can do it because they have more money. Sure sometimes there are other explanations, but I think that’s the simplest and most likely answer.

amother

Goldenrod

Sun, Aug 14 2022, 1:46 pm

Hi OP! Married much much longer than you. We have been away once thru a program with my DH's work. We sat and ate together with his colleagues, Did all activities with them also. Our room was nice Bh' for that. One time we went to a ''simple 3 star hotel.'' by the 2nd day we had no money for food. (hotel came with breakfast). I work so hard on my Gratitude. I have so much to thank Hashem for. May Klal Yisrael share only good times together.

amother

Turquoise

Sun, Aug 14 2022, 1:59 pm

amother [ Chestnut ] wrote:

This is the reality for myself and most people I know! Married way longer, too Cool

Aside from everything else, how do people get that much time off from work to go on these long and/or frequent vacations? Actually, I can't go away for most YT because who can take that much time off from work, either, which is I think is quite common for many (unless they work in a frum school, I guess).
OP, you are in good company!

amother

Olive

Sun, Aug 14 2022, 1:59 pm

Same OP. We only can go away because a relative invited us along. Same every other time we have been away... BH we have a relative who doesn't like going away all the time on their own.

unless it was to a funeral or family simcha I havent flown in over a decade (and each time was covered by a relative who wanted me there. Kids and DH didnt come usually).

It is so hard. I work full time (35+ a week) and so does DH (60+). But we can barely make ends meet especially with inflation.
And then I see so many going away it is hard. They dont work or barely work... I need a break.

amother

Honeydew

Sun, Aug 14 2022, 2:11 pm

You're not alone OP. There are so many of us struggling middle class.

People have a tendency to compare upwards. We notice only the people who have more than us, (or we think have more than us) and feel the pang.

Just because you're neighbor goes on vacations doesn't mean they have life you'd want to trade for. You really don't know what their life is.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Try to focus on the good you have. I'm not trying be toxically positive, but it helps to try to know there that there are people who have soooo much less.

Btw, My neighbors probably think im well-off because my husband and I have good-looking jobs and only have 2 kids.

They don't see how expensive our kids are, with therapy costs and higher tuition which costs similar to what people around here with 5-6 kids pay. My neighbors mostly get HUD and benefits that we don't. They don't see that my husbands business is not actually making enough to justify the hours and investment put in. They don't know how much of our income goes to paying off debt. And that now we're falling back into debt again. They don't see our struggling marriage and lack of supportive family and orher hard stuff. (Money isn't everything)

We do go on the occasional small vacation because it's relatively easy and cheap with 2 kids. We do a 2 night getaway that's driving distance about once a year. I'm grateful we can do that.

amother

Burgundy

Sun, Aug 14 2022, 2:39 pm

amother [ Scarlet ] wrote:

The people around me that are going on vacations, are on food stamps, Medicaid, section 8 & were raking it in during covid. They have money for expensive shoes & vacations.

We’re on food stamps and Medicaid and don’t have an extra penny for anything, let alone vacation. We did manage to go away for one day this summer because a relative gave us a ride and a different relative hosted us for the night, but that is an exception.

amother

Currant

Sun, Aug 14 2022, 2:49 pm

I’m on vacation. Bh. How did I do it?

For one we have major fertility issues I we have a small family BH. While our income is far from high we have a smaller family to support

We won a Chinese auction prize BH that’s covering the flight price

Credit card points for car rental

Family gifted us timeshare for hotel

We will still spend about $1000

Vacations are a luxury. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Just because you see people around you taking vacations does t mean they can afford it. They may be in debt. Or they may have won an auction, used points, gifted timeshare. Or they may just have a lot more money.

amother

Snapdragon

Sun, Aug 14 2022, 2:50 pm

We only go away because I happen to live in a country where it's cheaper to go away then stay home and go on day trips. Our kids are 11+ so we can't get away with playgrounds and admission to places like ropes courses are very expensive. We have a friends who through clubs /timeshare gets really cheap deals and they pass them on to us so we can pay $200 for 4 nights for a 3 bedroom unit and there is enough to do on-site so we don't spend more.

amother

Blushpink

Sun, Aug 14 2022, 4:30 pm

hey op.we aren't going away. can't afford it. now in truth we can put something on a cc and pay it off but to me it's not worth the stress. so as someone else said to you, acknowledge it's a choice....you can probably take out a loan to go away but you're making the choice not to.
I want to add that a couple yrs ago we went away when money was very tight and I hardly enjoyed it...I worried about every grocery visit and the cost of food etc.
it's worth waiting till we can afford it and enjoy it too!
instead, at home, we are really trying to make it a summer vibe, late night drives with the kids, lots of homemade pizza which they love and I don't often make, ice cream for dessert more often, etc. little treats that cost little.
also I'm letting the kids watch way more than usual so that I can get some rest time too.
hope this helps some