We were told not to give maaser, please share chizuk

amother

Tue, Aug 16 2022, 9:01 pm

We use to be very makpid on giving maaser, but after speaking to our rav we put a pause on giving. Its very hard for me because giving maaser was a great feeling.

We had several medical issues come up for my husband that we had to pay out of pocket for (intense physical therapy, procedure etc) and we were not making ends meet. We were always in debt and I couldnt afford basics like toilet paper, paper towels, meat/chicken during the week at one point.

BH my husbands treatment is done BH BH BH and we were getting into a better place the past 3 weeks, but then my car broke and thats 3000$ to fix, and my husband owes someone 7000$ in loans.

And the rav told us not to think about giving maaser until everything is paid off.

I feel bad because I read online how impt it is, you can test hashem with maaser and tzedaka, it brings bracha, but we literally need the "maaser" to pay for life changing necessities. I hope to pay everything off by october time, but until then every dollar in our paycheck is calculated for to the T.

Any chizuk?

amother

Pistachio

Tue, Aug 16 2022, 9:07 pm

I answered on the other thread so I hear you.
But. THe reason we give maser is not to feel good. It’s because Gd said so. You were told now that the Gdly thing to do is not to give maser now. You are getting to be independent and on your two feet so that you don’t have to become tzedaka recipients.
It doesn’t feel as glorious but you are doing Ratzon Hashem. How beautiful for Hashem to see it pains you not to be in the giving position just now. Daven for it to be a zechus for you to quickly be on the other side.
And like the other poster said you can make a cheshbon if that makes you feel better. Although I don’t think that’s the point to lay back. Maser is irrelevant now. I don’t think you need to track. IYH when you could pay maser you’ll pay on that income and you’ll do it happily.
Keep going, you’re doing the right thing even if it doesn’t feel so good.

Daliya

Tue, Aug 16 2022, 11:47 pm

OP, charity begins at home Smile

You are giving charity to a very important cause and that's to support your very own family! And with Hashem's help, you'll get out of this and continue to give to many others as well.

If your rav said to pause, then that's what you should be doing right now.
If it makes you feel better, maybe you can give to others in ways that don't involve money--such as giving someone from your time, your help, etc. Every time you do that say, "Hashem, I'm giving to another yid, please accept this as my maaser for now."

amother

Cyan

Wed, Aug 17 2022, 5:23 am

I hope that my story will be helpful. We were literally in a place where we could not give a penny and we were told not to give anything because we could not. When I say that are slowly slowly changed I mean like a really slowly like over the course of 10 years. The only way we lived was because of help from family. We are now in a position where we give again. At first it was a little bit hard to start again because it felt like it was my money. But after a very short time I realized that it was not my money but money that got gave me but yet he was generous to let me have the ability to choose where to give it. We just gave to a farmer in Israel and when I say we saw that money come back to us in a matter of days I am not exaggerating. Every time we give I tell my husband I don't know why I even hesitate for a second because I see that Hashem can give it back quicker than we ever thought possible. So if you're told not to give then that is the correct thing and should not feel bad but once you are in a position to be able to give it please do it with a full heart and be happy about it. Even if it starts slowly. It just makes me feel so happy to be able to give now and I just see such bracha. Another thing is is my married son has always always given even when he was a point where he wasn't religious. I was always amazed that this is the one mitzvah that he never stopped keeping. And he always had jobs even when his friends didn't. And always jobs that paid pretty decently. We're not talking about a millionaire but in Israel he was able to pay his bills. And he still never stopped. And now he is religious and I feel like that is the one mitzvah that kept him with this little bit of attachment. Okay sorry for this long wooden message I just feel like because I've been on the whole range that it could possibly be helpful.

Jewishmom8

Wed, Aug 17 2022, 5:36 am

amother OP wrote:

right now your rav said not to give maiser. so for now you wont. but its just for now. Hashem can change anything in a minute. that is number one
but realize your rav said just to stop giving maiser. not to stop giving of yourself.
you have SO much to give besides money.
give of your time give of yourself.
find a way to help someone and make them happy every day. smile at people. bring joy into the world.
you can still give plenty

amother

Wed, Aug 17 2022, 10:06 am

thank you so so much for the chizuk.
I try to "give" of myself in other ways... I have a gemach and try to really help women in need by giving up my evenings that I could be with my husband and family. but its been quiet in the past few months I havent had anyone come to the gemach so I dont know how else to give to others

we are not paying tuition. we only have a toddler atm that goes to playgroup in elul time.

its also stressful since my FIL needs our help and all my in laws give maaser but we are the ones not being able to give because we have to pay for our medical things atm... Sad

amother

Wed, Aug 17 2022, 10:31 am

justforfun87 wrote:

I am embarrassed to ask this but how do you calculate maaser if you end up owing taxes at end of year?

thats a really great q. my husband is on a 1099 as of 3 months ago when the medical expenses started, so when debt gets paid off we will ask a shaila about how to take maaser off of income on a 1099

im on a w2 bh so I get my paycheck and just take off 10% straight away. iyh hope to be able to do that again soon

amother

Stoneblue

Wed, Aug 17 2022, 10:44 am

There is a concept of making a calculation of what maaser you would have and putting it aside. If the poor person that you would be giving the $ to is yourself because you have bills than you are still fulfilling the obligations of separating 1/10 for a poor person.

Practically it wouldn’t change anything in the way you are spending now but just to keep up with the mentality of setting $$ aside.

amother

cornflower

Wed, Aug 17 2022, 11:02 am

OP, years ago we were also told by our Rav not to give Masser. He says the chiyuv of masser does not apply when you cant make ends meet, its for when you have extra. Honestly, we didnt think much about it. Just like some people are told the chiyuv of fasting a fast does not apply to them, or any other mitzvah.
You are doing what you are supposed to be doing, by not doing this mitzvah at this time.
BH things improved for us and now we give masser. But we are not doing anything "better" now-in both situations we were doing what Hashem wanted of us.

BEH your situation should improve and in the future you can follow Hashem's will by paying masser-right now, follow it by not.

amother

Anemone

Wed, Aug 17 2022, 11:24 am

If G-d forbid your doctor told you you were forbidden to fast on Yom Kippur, then you would be doing the will of Hashem by eating on YK. Same thing here. Your Rav told you not to give maaser, so you are doing Hashem's will by not giving it. And as someone mentioned, there are other ways to "give" like doing kindnesses for people or just giving them verbal chizuk.

May Hashem make you prosperous and healthy beyond your wildest dreams so you can give and give out of your overflowing wealth!

amother

Geranium

Wed, Aug 31 2022, 2:20 pm

I am not a posek, but I would ask a major posek.

we learnt that even a poor man who is misparnes from tzedaka is obligated in Maaser.

I have a dear friend who is penniless, she makes sure to give tzedaka and hosts for shabbos meal those who dont have where to go. her warm heart and chicken for shabbos she gets make it possible to open her doors.

I am always in awe of her.

But regardless, shulchan Aruch states thaneven a tzedaka collector is obligated in Maaser

amother

Oak

Wed, Aug 31 2022, 2:34 pm

If I remember correctly, one needs to take masser.
Meaning if you earned $100, you put aside $10.
Then, as your rav said, you don't have to 'give' the masser, you can use it for yourself if needed.
But take masser first and then use it.
I was there at one point too.. I didn't always remember to take masser... but I tried to. At least on pen and paper I'd make the calculations and 'knew' how much masser I need to take. Then I used it.