Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Parenting our children
At wits end with daughter
1  2  3  4  Next



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Aug 17 2022, 12:02 am
I don't know what to do with my daughter anymore. I'm recently having feelings of hatred towards her . She's almost 9 years old. Very difficult. Extremely disobedient, always always whining , constantly fighting with everyone. Her language and the way she talks is disgusting. She's super immature. Very very needy. She acts like she's 4. Never helps around the house. Always always complaining. If something doesn't go her way she will slam doors and shout I hate you towards me or anyone. When She's out playing with neighbors and I call her in she would just tell me no in my face or whine and whine that life isn't fear and she needs to stay out more. She would many times just walk away from me. She's messy and doesn't care about her belongings. Her hair is always a mess no matter how many times I make it. Let's talk about bedtime. She can't fall asleep . She takes a PACIFIER that she doesn't wana get rid of. I took it away and she threw a fit ! She's turning 9!!!! She always wants to sleep in someone's bed. Ok I don't know where to end this rant . I'm just so rrrrrrrrrrrrr. I have had it ! She gets me so nervous ! I want to love her and be patient with her but boy is it hard ! She is not my only child, and she makes our entire household mad! What do I do ???
Back to top

amother
Cerulean


 

Post Wed, Aug 17 2022, 12:12 am
You aren’t mentioning therapy for her or yourself.
Are any of you getting help for these issues?
Back to top

RevitalizedMom




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 17 2022, 12:15 am
This didn’t just start out of nowhere, or did it?
Back to top

amother
Honeysuckle


 

Post Wed, Aug 17 2022, 12:24 am
Do a full neoropsych eval
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Aug 17 2022, 12:26 am
It started in 1st grade. I think it started cuz she was separated from her close friend . And thi gs escalated from there. It's getting worse. I most definitely should take her for a psych evaluation. But I'm wondering if it's psych or just behavioral issues ??
Back to top

amother
Cerulean


 

Post Wed, Aug 17 2022, 12:29 am
amother OP wrote:
It started in 1st grade. I think it started cuz she was separated from her close friend . And thi gs escalated from there. It's getting worse. I most definitely should take her for a psych evaluation. But I'm wondering if it's psych or just behavioral issues ??


You won’t know if you don’t get her evaluated.
Start one at a time to rule out whatever it isn’t, and get to whatever is the issue.
Back to top

imaima




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 17 2022, 12:38 am
amother OP wrote:
It started in 1st grade. I think it started cuz she was separated from her close friend . And thi gs escalated from there. It's getting worse. I most definitely should take her for a psych evaluation. But I'm wondering if it's psych or just behavioral issues ??


Pacifier to sleep?

I think something bothering her on top of early puberty hormones, so the effect is explosive.
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Wed, Aug 17 2022, 12:45 am
Yes. She sleeps with a pacifier . She would love to take it around with her during the day but I don't let obviously. She's a mess and is turning our home upside down with her behaviors . Maybe someone can recommend a therapist me and her can see together so we can work things out and see what's going on with her ?
Back to top

amother
DarkKhaki


 

Post Wed, Aug 17 2022, 1:30 am
Look up Daniel Siegel on YouTube. Your energy is soooo hyped up you will not be able to get anywhere with her. You need to chiiiiiiiil out and start tuning in to where she’s really at and what her behavior is trying to tell you
Back to top

familyfirst




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 17 2022, 2:12 am
So hard. So so hard.
Definitely take her to
A
Good therapist for an evaluation. Could be she needs meds. But be kind to her. No doubt she realizes that she’s out of control and tell her this is going to help her regulate her emotions.

Be kind to yourself. This is a very challenging situation to go through.
Back to top

amother
Snowdrop


 

Post Wed, Aug 17 2022, 4:44 am
When she does do
Something right no matter how small, try praising her. Make a big deal
Out of it. It might motivate her to repeat. What about prize charts? Maybe call over classmates to play so that she can make a new friend…
Back to top

amother
Mimosa


 

Post Wed, Aug 17 2022, 6:52 am
It sounds like this post is years late in coming. Although there are parenting techniques you definitely need to learn, at this point she (and your relationship) have been in a destructive pattern for far too long.
You both need professional help.
Back to top

amother
Black


 

Post Wed, Aug 17 2022, 7:04 am
Op, I agree with the above posters about seeking professional help, and I'd also recommend reading "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. She does sound like she'd benefit from an evaluation but tbh, some of the way you're phrasing things is a bit harsh. Calling the way she talks "disgusting", getting upset that she doesn't take care of her stuff at 8 years old, getting upset that her hair is messy at 8 years old, I bet this is part some inborn issue that she desperately needs help with, and now part the dynamic of you reacting to her and her, in turn, reacting to you. I hope you both find the support you need. (Aside, I'm wondering if your DH has any of these traits that you see in her?)
Back to top

imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 17 2022, 7:09 am
My hear goes out to both of you, you both sound so very unhappy. Poor kid, poor you!

If you're a reader, start by going to the library and looking for Ross Greene's "The Explosive Child"; and Howard Glasser's "Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach."

Schedule that neuropsych eval, there's often a long wait, so get moving. The report that follows often can get you started on recommendations for treatment options.

How has she been at school? Is there a SW or SPED person there she's worked with, who can provide ideas and referrals?
Back to top

sushilover




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 17 2022, 7:09 am
She seems so unhappy. It's there anything you can do to bring joy into her life?

Something like developing a hobby or skill, quality time with someone who loves her, or opportunities for her to make new friends to replace the one she lost?
Back to top

amother
Navyblue


 

Post Wed, Aug 17 2022, 7:36 am
Sounds like she has anxiety and you have some strong negative feelings towards her which brings you into a power struggle. Get a child therapist. A neuropsychologist is for academic issues - very expensive and not warranted here. You would benefit from therapy for yourself/parenting as well.
Back to top

amother
Amaranthus


 

Post Wed, Aug 17 2022, 7:44 am
Classic pandas/brain inflammation.

I relate to the feeling of almost hatred. It’s my instinct telling me something isn’t right, this isn’t how it’s meant to be.

Get her on motrin and an anti histamine. And then take her the to a p/p literate provider.

Also, read this book https://www.amazon.com/gp/prod.....psc=1
Back to top

amother
Pewter


 

Post Wed, Aug 17 2022, 8:01 am
I agree with all the posters about reading all the books and taking her for an evaluation.
But as a professional I beg you that both you and your husband should go to a good therapist that specializes in parenting. She’s 9 and you will both need to learn how to deal with her and raise her and what you do in the next 2-3 years will determine your relationship forever and affect the rest of all of your lives. I will be very strong in saying that the burden of this is on you her parents! No matter what her diagnosis is you will need to be doing the hard work of learning how to parent her! Please don’t let any diagnosis overtake your responsibility to learn how to be her parents. I know it will be hard but there is no easy way out if you hope for you all to turn out normal down the road. Believe me when I say this issue will only get bigger and more difficult as the months and years go on unless you know what to do.
And if all else fails the only option that some parents take is letting her live somewhere else temporarily. That all depends on your emotional, financial and whatever else is going on in your lives and how it’s affecting the rest of your family.
Wishing you Hatzlacha rabba on your road ahead but know that if you had her it is in your capability to raise her and your obligation to go out and learn how to do that, and that burden lies on you her parents and not on her the 9 year old.
Back to top

imasinger




 
 
    
 

Post Wed, Aug 17 2022, 8:04 am
amother Navyblue wrote:
Sounds like she has anxiety and you have some strong negative feelings towards her which brings you into a power struggle. Get a child therapist. A neuropsychologist is for academic issues - very expensive and not warranted here. You would benefit from therapy for yourself/parenting as well.


The bolded is 100% inaccurate.

Neuropsych evaluation is for a host of things, but kids who only have academic issues generally get a different type of testing.

Agree with Pewter about the importance of parent training, though. Can you find a course?
Back to top

amother
Sapphire


 

Post Wed, Aug 17 2022, 8:11 am
amother Navyblue wrote:
Sounds like she has anxiety and you have some strong negative feelings towards her which brings you into a power struggle. Get a child therapist. A neuropsychologist is for academic issues - very expensive and not warranted here. You would benefit from therapy for yourself/parenting as well.


Agreed. This is not the time or place for a neuropsych. And definitely do not medicate! You need a child therapist and a guided and clear parenting approach with a mentor that can help you.
Back to top
Page 1 of 4 1  2  3  4  Next Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Daughter was waitlisted at NJ high schools, what to do?
by amother
17 Today at 10:01 am View last post
My 4 yo daughter is difficult to parent, any advice please?
by amother
15 Thu, Mar 21 2024, 9:13 pm View last post
An outlet that works on my daughter's strength
by amother
20 Thu, Mar 21 2024, 12:48 pm View last post
Can someone please explain laser my daughter wants full body
by amother
24 Wed, Mar 20 2024, 3:36 pm View last post
Selfish married daughter
by amother
13 Mon, Mar 18 2024, 11:19 pm View last post