Home
Log in / Sign Up
    Private Messages   Advanced Search   Rules   New User Guide   FAQ   Advertise   Contact Us  
Forum -> Parenting our children -> Toddlers
Social skills for 18 mo. Help a FTM
1  2  Next



Post new topic   Reply to topic View latest: 24h 48h 72h

amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Aug 21 2022, 8:51 am
I don't want to take my baby anywhere where there are kids her age. She is either getting toys grabbed from her or she is grabbing toys. She shouts at any kids that come near her and really feels threatened by them. She enjoys being with anyone that's older than her, because she knows they'll let her have her way.

To me this is all age appropriate but it's really unpleasant the shouting and crying and however I react, I'm either the negligent mom or the helicopter mom and I just can't find the in between. First time mom and stay at home. Will not send her to playgroup, even though everyone I talk to is pushing that. My question is how important is it for her to be around kids her age? And also when she is with kids her age, am I missing something? Is there a way I can help her with her big feelings?
Back to top

amother
Foxglove


 

Post Sun, Aug 21 2022, 8:52 am
Why dont you want to send her to playgroup?

If you're a SAHM would you consider exposing her gradually to kids? Maybe at a library book reading or mommy and me group?
Back to top

Girl@Heart




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 21 2022, 8:55 am
It’s important for her to learn the skills
She needs to be around Children her own age. She seems to be lacking them, which is understandable given your circumstances. The longer you avoid it the harder it will be for her. Get her into a playgroup or babysitting group asap even it’s only twice a week.

Remember children need to learn everything. They are born knowing how to breath and suck. The rest is one big learning experience for them.
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Aug 21 2022, 9:24 am
Why does she need it? Daycare is a relatively new invention.
Back to top

amother
Zinnia


 

Post Sun, Aug 21 2022, 9:31 am
Model at home. You take toys and play when she tries to grab it you say it’s my turn in two minutes it will be your turn. Then you hand it to her and say yay you waited your turn good job. Now it’s your turn. Then later you ask for another turn. Make a big deal when she hands a toy to you that you asked for. If you do this often she’ll get the hang of it.
Back to top

amother
Zinnia


 

Post Sun, Aug 21 2022, 9:32 am
I would keep exposing her. Go to mommy and me, your library likely has programs for that age. I wouldn’t avoid other kids that will make it worse.
Back to top

amother
Foxglove


 

Post Sun, Aug 21 2022, 9:33 am
amother OP wrote:
Why does she need it? Daycare is a relatively new invention.


So enjoy your time at home with her. Play with her. Get her evaluated for speech
Play using toys and a lot of modeling and prompting
What do you do with her all day?
Back to top

shabbatiscoming




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 21 2022, 9:34 am
amother OP wrote:
I don't want to take my baby anywhere where there are kids her age. She is either getting toys grabbed from her or she is grabbing toys. She shouts at any kids that come near her and really feels threatened by them. She enjoys being with anyone that's older than her, because she knows they'll let her have her way.

To me this is all age appropriate but it's really unpleasant the shouting and crying and however I react, I'm either the negligent mom or the helicopter mom and I just can't find the in between. First time mom and stay at home. Will not send her to playgroup, even though everyone I talk to is pushing that. My question is how important is it for her to be around kids her age? And also when she is with kids her age, am I missing something? Is there a way I can help her with her big feelings?
Op, the only way you will get her to learn how to react is to be around other kids. Also, dont helicopter around her. No need. I learned this early. If she is nof in da ger, it is ok to let her figure things out.
You dont ha e to send her anywhere, but when kids play with others they learn.
Back to top

essie14




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 21 2022, 9:37 am
When my DD was that age we went to the park almost every day. There were always a few other moms and we would bring toys for the kids to play with and they would play together.
I also took her to a Mommy and Me music class once a week.
And then I paid my neighbor who had a DD the same age for 3 hours of babysitting once a week, basically a paid play date. It was the only time I had to myself all week and it was so beneficial for both me and baby.
Both kids learned how to play nicely together.
Back to top

Girl@Heart




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 21 2022, 9:53 am
amother OP wrote:
Why does she need it? Daycare is a relatively new invention.


She doesn’t need a daycare program she needs to learn to play with other kids. If she’s not getting that organically she needs it formally. Moms and children would get together in a park in someone’s house.
Back to top

amother
OP


 

Post Sun, Aug 21 2022, 10:03 am
amother Foxglove wrote:
So enjoy your time at home with her. Play with her. Get her evaluated for speech
Play using toys and a lot of modeling and prompting
What do you do with her all day?


She's speaking plenty. Starting sentences even. What other issues would speech therapy help with?

We go out to parks, shul, play spaces errands. At home we do puzzles, build towers, water play, music and movement, lots of singing, bubbles, books, pretend play...
Back to top

amother
Mintgreen


 

Post Sun, Aug 21 2022, 10:05 am
amother OP wrote:
Why does she need it? Daycare is a relatively new invention.


Our version of daycare may be a relatively new invention but historically people lived in more communal-like environments than many first world people do today. I think you would've had more extended family living in much closer quarters with lots of kids running around, so even if a baby was the oldest, there would be other toddlers or babies in their sphere. I'm not sure you said anything about your child that sounds alarming, it's normal for toddlers to grab toys from each other and for adults to maybe have to intervene. (Or if they don't intervene, the bigger or more assertive toddler wins and the other toddler is either devastated and hysterical or walks off and plays with something else.) That's life.

I think it's great that your child is getting lots of attention from you. They'd probably also benefit from developing social skills with other babies their age. If they don't learn it now, they'll learn it a bit later. I imagine it's easier to learn younger.
Back to top

SuperWify




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Aug 21 2022, 10:11 am
She doesn’t need day care but she needs some part of the day with kids her age and mom not right there. Meaning- you can be on the room but not right next to her, or preferably in a place she can’t see you. This will help her learn in her own hot to deal with kids her age.
Back to top

amother
Foxglove


 

Post Sun, Aug 21 2022, 10:34 am
amother OP wrote:
She's speaking plenty. Starting sentences even. What other issues would speech therapy help with?

We go out to parks, shul, play spaces errands. At home we do puzzles, build towers, water play, music and movement, lots of singing, bubbles, books, pretend play...


Im a EI SLP and speech isnt the only thing I work on with my clients.
Social skills begin to emerge, sharing, turn taking....
Back to top

amother
Wheat


 

Post Sun, Aug 21 2022, 10:44 am
For the record, I keep my kids home until they're 2, and I also see no need for daycare until that age at least.

The thing is, we live in a society that is very different than every society before. Because most kids are NOT home with their mothers, and most extended families are not constantly together, the natural "getting together with other kids" moments don't happen. Which means seeking them out -- going to playgrounds, libraries, playdates with other mommy friends, places like that where they'll see other kids. I know it's hard to do that (I'm an introvert myself), but it's really important if there aren't other kids around the house. I needed to do this much more with my oldest than I do now, because my current toddler has older siblings and their friends and their friends' siblings around the house often...so it's easier for social skills to naturally develop. Even playing with older kids is fine, imho. And they get to observe the older kids and see how they interact, which helps.

It sounds like your main issue is the fact that you feel judged by others when you don't intervene. And yes, I think we all do! But then we tell ourselves that we know what our kids need and are doing the best we can. It can also help to talk to the other mothers to make sure they're on the same page -- if they're really feeling that your toddler is abusing theirs, I would step in, even if you don't agree. For example, if one child grabs a toy from another, I would turn to the other mother and say something like "Is it okay if we try to let them work this out on their own? Obviously if it's physical, I'll step in, but I'm hoping they can figure it out themselves." That way the other mother knows you're intentionally ignoring it but will help if need be.
Back to top

amother
Mint


 

Post Sun, Aug 21 2022, 1:39 pm
amother OP wrote:
I don't want to take my baby anywhere where there are kids her age. She is either getting toys grabbed from her or she is grabbing toys. She shouts at any kids that come near her and really feels threatened by them. She enjoys being with anyone that's older than her, because she knows they'll let her have her way.

To me this is all age appropriate but it's really unpleasant the shouting and crying and however I react, I'm either the negligent mom or the helicopter mom and I just can't find the in between. First time mom and stay at home. Will not send her to playgroup, even though everyone I talk to is pushing that. My question is how important is it for her to be around kids her age? And also when she is with kids her age, am I missing something? Is there a way I can help her with her big feelings?

Op your doing great ! We need more mothers like you out there! It’s a very triggering topic for most imas as most people don’t have the time stamina or patience to mother the way you are so people will bash without even meaning to. It’s their insides talking trying to calm themselves down.
Ignore all the stuff saying they need social life at that age.
She’ll live and learn . Kids are extremely adaptable.
Hang in there! Your awesome
Back to top

amother
Cobalt


 

Post Sun, Aug 21 2022, 2:00 pm
This thread is so interesting! Wherever I go with my almost 2 year old whose been home with me full time since birth, it’s always kids that are in daycare setting that grab and push and shove, while my child shares so nicely. I definitely think some of it is personality. A lot of it is modeling as others have said, I tell him it’s ok to play together and ask him if he’d like to share his toy with the child (not telling him he has to give it) or if other child doesn’t want to play together, I do step in and tell him that the child wants to play now on their own and there’s more toys and now we can play on our own…
Back to top

amother
NeonGreen


 

Post Sun, Aug 21 2022, 2:12 pm
It's a popular belief that children need to be among children to learn social skills, but adults actually teach the best social skills - through modeling and safe exploration.

Like you mentioned, your child likes to play with older children. When a child knows their toys aren't going to be grabbed, they'll explore boundaries and develop genuine generosity - not just share because of consequences.

What happens in a playgroup? One child dominates and wins, another child becomes meek and submissive to stay safe and avoid drama, and still others will cry or fight. There's little adult mediation or modeling, and if it is, it's usually very forced. It's a normal developmental stage for a toddler to feel possessive of their possessions. It's very stressful for them to always be on the lookout for another threat to their playtime exploration.

And of course, of course, if you want your child to experience the library or a music class or whatever, they can still learn the skills with other children. But precisely your being there will help the child feel safe and explore. It's not an instant process, but it's a more genuine one than the bullying/squelching that happens in playgroups.

This also doesn't mean you can't never have them give in - it's just the constancy of it in playgroups that impedes the development of naturally sharing of their own accord.

(This is all research based, check out the how to talk series or hold on to your kids.)
Back to top

amother
Mint


 

Post Sun, Aug 21 2022, 2:47 pm
amother NeonGreen wrote:
It's a popular belief that children need to be among children to learn social skills, but adults actually teach the best social skills - through modeling and safe exploration.

Like you mentioned, your child likes to play with older children. When a child knows their toys aren't going to be grabbed, they'll explore boundaries and develop genuine generosity - not just share because of consequences.

What happens in a playgroup? One child dominates and wins, another child becomes meek and submissive to stay safe and avoid drama, and still others will cry or fight. There's little adult mediation or modeling, and if it is, it's usually very forced. It's a normal developmental stage for a toddler to feel possessive of their possessions. It's very stressful for them to always be on the lookout for another threat to their playtime exploration.

And of course, of course, if you want your child to experience the library or a music class or whatever, they can still learn the skills with other children. But precisely your being there will help the child feel safe and explore. It's not an instant process, but it's a more genuine one than the bullying/squelching that happens in playgroups.

This also doesn't mean you can't never have them give in - it's just the constancy of it in playgroups that impedes the development of naturally sharing of their own accord.

(This is all research based, check out the how to talk series or hold on to your kids.)

Every word here is gold.. wish I can clip n save
Back to top

amother
Tuberose


 

Post Sun, Aug 21 2022, 4:53 pm
amother OP wrote:
Why does she need it? Daycare is a relatively new invention.


She does not need daycare to socialize. You can take her to the park, to music circles, mommy and me indoor playgrounds etc.
Back to top
Page 1 of 2 1  2  Next Recent Topics




Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Parenting our children -> Toddlers

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Social security number
by amother
4 Today at 2:54 pm View last post
Social anxiety
by amother
7 Fri, Mar 22 2024, 11:58 am View last post
Social worker for ten year old - Recs needed
by amother
5 Mon, Mar 11 2024, 10:38 am View last post
Social skills
by amother
21 Sun, Mar 10 2024, 4:04 pm View last post
Help w/ social skills in Lakewood for 20 yr old boy Recs pls
by amother
20 Mon, Mar 04 2024, 12:10 am View last post