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Why is it so hard for me to pray?
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2022, 12:44 am
I believe in Hashem. I believe Hashem is the only one that cares. I want to love him more. I try so hard. I fall, and try again. Why is it hard for me to Daven? I see people that can't wait and the excitement they feel before Prayer. I don't have that. I need to force myself to open a Siddur. I feel horrible that I don't have the excitement for Prayer. I do speak to Hashem daily. But I want to learn how to love Prayer.
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6000miles




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2022, 3:50 am
I feel you. Could've written the exact same post.
Following for advice!
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Thisisnotmyreal




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2022, 3:52 am
Daven in an audible voice and keep it to just the basics until you actually begin to enjoy it. There's all kinds of siddurim that can enhance your davening. Maybe people have suggestions.
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singleagain




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2022, 4:44 am
I have the same struggle and I used to get in trouble in school v I didn't crack the book open.

I still have a hard time with the words.

My advice, don't try to force it. I've been out of school longer than I was in it and I still don't open a book....

Maybe sometimes I read the English... But beyond that....

Don't force it. Especially if you have a relation with hashem .. And you said you speak to him daily. You're not lacking, it just looks different
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amother
Cinnamon


 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2022, 4:46 am
I lost alot of my motivation to pray when I realized that much of prayer is asking hashem for all types of things, yet I'm not sure praying actually helps get those things we need for life.

Meaning rosh Hashanah is coming up. I used to get excited. It was my chance to daven for myself and my family. Now I realize (unless I'm mistaken) that the people who don't daven at all seem to get the same result in this world. In fact, the people that will eat at McDonald's might be the ones who receive all the things us daveners ask for while us daveners won't.

So basically I don't see much of a connection between davening and asking hashem for things and actually getting those things.

This is a little comparable to the tzadik v'lo ra question.
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amother
Poppy


 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2022, 5:08 am
6000miles wrote:
I feel you. Could've written the exact same post.
Following for advice!


Wow me too

I think there are much more of us than we think there are
My Formal davening, the days I do, is just lip service, said with no feeling or intention.
Yet when I just talk to Hashem (even if I’m angry at HIM) it so much, I feel like HE is right there listening
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2022, 5:11 am
OP here. I am just wondering, why are some people more excited, and some aren't. What is it that I am missing? I know I want to Pray, but I really have to force myself. I use a special Prayer book that translates the words. I know what I am saying.
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Kiwi13




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2022, 5:24 am
Mostly l just glare at shamayim these days, like, "Hashem, Dude, I did everything I possibly could. You gonna split this Yam Suf for me or what?!" Sometimes I just stare angrily or sadly at nothing in particular, wishing Hashem would fix it or just take me Home already. Sometimes I hold a siddur or sefer Tehilim. Sometimes I open it, but usually not. Too much pain these days.

And yet I've been working on a project to address almost exactly this issue, but there are days I'm too low to even think about it. So the notes sit next to my hospital bed. Because yes, I'm in the hospital, for weeks now. And everything has fallen apart.

Hashem is someplace. But I'm at a loss. I bawled my heart out at the hospital kabbalat shabbat last week. Only said 2 things from the siddur/tehillim.

I think prayer comes from the heart. Sometimes it's deeper or more shallow, like ocean waves crashing the shore. But it's all real. Overthinking it doesn't usually help. At least not for me.
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amother
Butterscotch


 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2022, 5:37 am
I think the people who are excited to pray have had their prayers answered a fair amount of times. The people that aren’t, haven’t. At least that’s how it is for me.
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amother
DarkGray


 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2022, 5:41 am
I also have always had trouble with the set tefillot. I have tried more than a few times to get into the habit....but I just can't ever since I was a girl.

I do speak to Hashem often- I complain, ask why and beg for what my family and I need as well as for others- but I also try to audibly and clearly express my gratitude for all that is good in my life.

I have to admit that speaking to Hashem only on my own terms feels like a cop out. I mean if He wants me to daven from a Siddur, I should make more of an effort, no?

I think my difficulty stems from a short attention span, and even though I understand most of the language of the tefillot, I just do not connect to the set texts.

I do better at shul, particularly during the yamim noraim. Something about the atmosphere of davening together with the kahal moves me. But I also find it stressful trying to keep up when the Baal tefila is going too fast or skips yotzarot and entire tefillot that appear in my machzor as well as keeping track of when to stand and sit etc.

All in all, I don't really have advice and have not yet figured how to daven- and believe me- I really have got what to daven for....but it is comforting to know that I am not alone in th struggle.

May everyone's prayers be answered, in whatever way they are expressed.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2022, 5:52 am
When I daven, I read the English as I say the Hebrew. I've heard other people say this too.
Sometimes I just notice things. I have certain tefillos, pesukim, lines that are like mile markers for me.
I also read Rav Schwab on Prayer from beginning to end over the course of a year. I wish I could stay it all stuck with me but it was a great experience.
And I will take very seriously any shiurim on tefilla by Rabbis Menachem Nissel and Menachem Penner. I catch them on TorahAnytime and YUTorah respectively.
Am I always on a high? Is it always Flower ☀️🐶🎠? No way. Now that I daven like a grownup - I have the uninterrupted time - there are sometimes days, like an occasional Rosh Chodesh where it's just too much and I'll break it up (stop after Shemoneh Esrei). I don't beat myself up on the rough days. It's a process. And often the days are rough for a good reason and something the RBShO and I need to have a shmooze about.
Remember also that there are other ways to daven - quality over quantity, informal as well as formal. And the rest of the day to sincerely serve Hashem, in many different ways. Hatzlacha!
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2022, 5:56 am
amother Cinnamon wrote:
I lost alot of my motivation to pray when I realized that much of prayer is asking hashem for all types of things, yet I'm not sure praying actually helps get those things we need for life.

Meaning rosh Hashanah is coming up. I used to get excited. It was my chance to daven for myself and my family. Now I realize (unless I'm mistaken) that the people who don't daven at all seem to get the same result in this world. In fact, the people that will eat at McDonald's might be the ones who receive all the things us daveners ask for while us daveners won't.

So basically I don't see much of a connection between davening and asking hashem for things and actually getting those things.

This is a little comparable to the tzadik v'lo ra question.


All the times we ask Hashem for stuff, it's in loshon rabbim. Don't give up. The rest of klal Yisrael needs you.
The McDonalds eaters might have the good life. But do they have a good life? Maybe. But I do know that I have substance and meaning in my life that I have to be grateful for too.
I've been hearing a certain theme lately: RH is the time we ask Hashem to renew our lease on life. It's only set for a year. May Hashem give everyone everything they need in abundance to accomplish whatever they're supposed to, with menuchas hanefesh.
Years ago someone distilled a shiur by Rabbi Nissel called Understanding Unanswered Prayers, but I haven't been able to find it. And yes, it dovetails a lot with tzadik v'ra lo.
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amother
Cinnamon


 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2022, 5:57 am
amother Butterscotch wrote:
I think the people who are excited to pray have had their prayers answered a fair amount of times. The people that aren’t, haven’t. At least that’s how it is for me.



Exactly! I would also add to what you said that even those who haven't had there prayers answered are still davening hard because they associate davening with having prayers answered. They believe if they down more hashem will give them what they want. Like in a thread today about a mother who didn't have money for clothes. Someone responded "ask hashem for money". If anyone believes that's how it works, I understand why they still daven hard.


If a person decides that the people who have bracha are often not davening, and the people who have tzoros are the ones often davening, it can really shake a person's entire understanding about prayer.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2022, 5:58 am
amother OP wrote:
OP here. I am just wondering, why are some people more excited, and some aren't. What is it that I am missing? I know I want to Pray, but I really have to force myself. I use a special Prayer book that translates the words. I know what I am saying.


Kol hakavod. For keeping on keeping on, and for finding a great siddur.
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singleagain




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2022, 6:16 am
amother DarkGray wrote:

I have to admit that speaking to Hashem only on my own terms feels like a cop out. I mean if He wants me to daven from a Siddur, I should make more of an effort, no?

I was under the impression that siddur was only created by anshie kneset gadolah.... So.. how did the people before the daven?

Didn't Moshe once daven exactly 5 words?Who says it has to be long and drawn out?
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amother
DarkGray


 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2022, 6:28 am
singleagain wrote:
I was under the impression that siddur was only created by anshie kneset gadolah.... So.. how did the people before the daven?

Didn't Moshe once daven exactly 5 words?Who says it has to be long and drawn out?


Yeah....that's what I have often told myself and I was typing that out, I wondered if anyone would pick up on that.

I guess that it is so ingrained that whatever our sages/ rabbonim have prescribed must be the best and most preferable way to do things.
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singleagain




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2022, 6:34 am
amother DarkGray wrote:
Yeah....that's what I have often told myself and I was typing that out, I wondered if anyone would pick up on that.

I guess that it is so ingrained that whatever our sages/ rabbonim have prescribed must be the best and most preferable way to do things.


Teachers and rabbis are only humans and they have made mistakes. They are not infallible. They do not know what's right for everybody and people are different. I mean God made each person different. Why can't we just be different?
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amother
DarkGray


 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2022, 6:56 am
singleagain wrote:
Teachers and rabbis are only humans and they have made mistakes. They are not infallible. They do not know what's right for everybody and people are different. I mean God made each person different. Why can't we just be different?


This is true. However, you cannot deny that when certain principles have been ingrained since birth it can be very difficult to break out of that mindset.
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2022, 7:00 am
singleagain wrote:
I was under the impression that siddur was only created by anshie kneset gadolah.... So.. how did the people before the daven?

Didn't Moshe once daven exactly 5 words?Who says it has to be long and drawn out?


We have the concept of having to touch base 3 times a day from the Avos. (I don't remember who it was, someone contemporary, who eschewed the mincha/maariv combo because he wanted to daven mincha early because he couldn't go so long without speaking to Hashem.) Did they give us the framework, the basic words? Was it totally replaced by korbanos or augmented by them? Probably augmented by korbanos. There was definitely tefilla at the time of the BHMK - think Leviim and shir shel yom.

And while more isn't necessarily better less does get noticed.
https://www.ravkooktorah.org/BEHAALOT59.htm

(And this doesn't really talk about it but it came up when I googled and it's nice: https://outorah.org/p/124167)
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PinkFridge




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Aug 23 2022, 7:02 am
singleagain wrote:
Teachers and rabbis are only humans and they have made mistakes. They are not infallible. They do not know what's right for everybody and people are different. I mean God made each person different. Why can't we just be different?


Rav Reuven Leuchter, shlita, a baal machshava and baal mussar, had an interesting essay in Mishpacha about "listening again." Not finding new layers through new mefarshim, but finding meaning and layers in the same words, in the repetition.
ttps://mishpacha.com/listen-again/
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