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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
amother
OP
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Thu, Aug 25 2022, 6:09 am
Looking for book recommendations for raising kids with issues in a frum way.
Two of our kids have ADHD, one absolutely refuses medication. Another dc is in a state of early (pre)teen rebellion.
They all have a hard time accepting rules and are just not very interested in anything frum. The pre-teen is actively against some things.
I was not raised frum myself, therefore I have no good idea on how to engage them in a way that doesn't trigger opposition.
Yes, we are already getting parental counselling.
Other than that, any books out there on how to get challenging kids, ages 7 - 10, to connect to Yiddishkeit in a positive way?
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hazelj18
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Wed, Sep 28 2022, 6:25 pm
Did you discover anything that helped on your own? I see that unfortunately no one replied. I wish there was a BT handbook on raising kids to be frum!
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shaqued_almond
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Fri, Feb 17 2023, 1:50 pm
Push them on menshlichkeit, I.e. being responsible, chores, homework etc. For yiddishkeit make it about connecting to Hashem. Instead of forcing them to say tehilim for example tell them that you're saying tehilim for someone who needs and ask them to help you read some prakim. Connect them with some Jewish youth groups (bat mitzvah club, Scouts, bikur cholim). Learn with them Torah and ask them what they think XYZ means or why it is mentioned and then see if you can find an answer together. Make quality time with them and spend as much time as possible outside or moving. Most kids who grow up in a functional happy home will remain frum even if they may be less strict than their parents.
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amother
Aconite
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Fri, Feb 17 2023, 2:30 pm
Rabbi Shimon Russel just came out with his book
raising a Loving Family
Highly recommend listening to his talks and his books
Sarah Chana Radcliff has many books. Some which she now published for the general public.
Rabbi Orlowek s books - not as pragmatic. But for theory and hashkafa.
Not frum books but would highly recommend -to listen and read Dr Becky ..? , Dr Ross Green , Dr Gordon Neufeld and Laura Markham
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amother
Seagreen
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Sat, Feb 18 2023, 1:35 pm
If you're in Israel, Arachim are running a weekend seminar for frum parents of struggling teens this coming Shabbos which addresses all these issues. They bring their best speakers to guide you to find the right approach and answers for their questions.
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amother
Pear
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Sat, Feb 18 2023, 9:09 pm
I didn’t read it yet, but Matis Miller wrote The Uncontrollable Child. He wrote it for the general public, so obviously it won’t discuss frumkeit issues, but maybe this would be useful to you?
Unfortunately, I have a similar situation. My 12yo has no interest in keeping Mitzvos and he has adhd and other mental health issues. I keep trying to tell myself that at this age, he is not rebelling against yiddishkeit; it’s just his mental health challenges that are obstructing him in life. I would seek out hadracha from a Rav/mentor if I were you regarding when to push religious things with your child and when not to. For example, I would not force a child to go to shul on Shabbos if they really don’t want to. Your main job is to just try to make mitzvos very accessible and positive to them and hopefully with time they will mature and come around on their own terms.
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