Tefillin for a newbie Mommy.

amother

Fri, Aug 26 2022, 12:34 pm

First son's bar mitzvah coming up, we live out of town and I am clueless as to the whole "parsha"--pun intended.

All I know is that we need to do it already as his bar mitzvah is in less than a year and a half.

I've heard of place(s) where the boy is involved in watching how the tefillin is made, I've heard of people getting from E"Y.

What are the maalos and chisronos to doing this? We don't live in a big city but could potentially travel to one.

amother

Butterscotch

Fri, Aug 26 2022, 1:41 pm

We bought ours in Israel a year before the Bar Mitzvah during a family trip at HaSofer on Straus Street in Geula. My nephew, who is 8 months older, was also buying on that trip. There were questions about whether we needed to purchase right or left handed tefillin that needed to be determined. There were about 5 categories of quality that ranged in price from $400-$2000. This was a few years ago, so I think it might be more now. We bought in the middle range and he has been pleased with them. Other boys in the community went with our Rabbi to buy in Brooklyn or Queens a few months in advance depending on their minhag. You might also consult his school for guidance on good places to purchase. There are additional accessories such as a carrying case, mirror, and locator tag (tile or apple tag in case they get lost). He started out with a hard sided case and later switched to a roll shaped case. Some families have the minhag that grandparents buy or contribute to the cost. Ours made a contribution. Mazal Tov!

amother

Thistle

Fri, Aug 26 2022, 1:47 pm

I was fairly involved with my son’s Tefillin.

First there was a choice between buying from a very reliable store vs buying from a specific Sofer that my husband knows. I gave my sons the choice, they both chose the Sofer.

We called him, gave him the dates we need the Tefillin, and set up a payment plan. He knows all of the other details of ordering Batim etc. and had them ready for us on time. It was expensive but not very complicated. He was able to explain the advantages of various upgrades as well.

If you want your son to see or be involved in the actual process, ask the Sofer or the store you choose. It is not an unusual request and they’ll be able to let you know what is available.

It is important to choose a store specializing in Safrus or a known reliable Sofer because the Kashrus of Tefillin is a big deal and you need to be able to fully trust them.

mom of 8

Fri, Aug 26 2022, 4:10 pm

Tiferes Stam in Brooklyn on Coney island and ave m. ( rabbi Pincus) does. A great job with the boys. Prices vary depending on the type you want. Not sure what style you are but more people price up for better quality and more hiddurim. This is hopefully the only pair you are getting for life. They do need to be checked. If I'm remembering correctly twice in 7 yrs( or that could be mezuzahs. Don't quote me on that but if you want I can ask my husband for you. ) my nephews on my husband's side get from them . My side is ordered by my father. A lot of people in Brooklyn order tallis bags from meter ( in bp 36& 37 and 14). The leather or fur ones run are around $150-( last time I'm bought)

yidishmamma

Fri, Aug 26 2022, 5:55 pm

mom of 8 wrote:

Im assuming you mean keter

amother

Sun, Aug 28 2022, 9:48 pm

amother Thistle wrote:

So it's not like we have a mesorah for a sofer to use, so is there any reason not to go through like "Eichlers"? I have a cousin who will be getting tefillin for his son from E"Y around the same time, is it weird for us to get from the same person when he goes?

We were told to get "on it" already but I have a hard time getting my husband to act on things (he's usually responsible but I guess we have a different sense of urgency on this).

amother

Sun, Aug 28 2022, 9:54 pm

I guess this is more of a "mommy" question.

In terms of a tefillin bag, I live in a small community, where the school-age boys all daven in the same minyan and I don't see their tefillin bags on a regular basis (no I don't see them walking around town with them).

Did your son choose his tefillin bag? Did you choose if for him? How did you know what would be appropriate?

amother

Thistle

Sun, Aug 28 2022, 10:23 pm

amother OP wrote:

IMHO going through a general Judaica store is not the best idea. Safrus is a very trust-based occupation and the more middlemen involved usually the lower quality you end up with (although better pricing).

A big store like Eichlers can't possibly be personally vetting the sofrim providing them with Tefillin and Mezuzos, so they are usually getting through a broker, whose priority is often going to be price.

There are Judaica stores that specialize in Safrus, who will often only purchase and sell the work of certain Sofrim that they know and trust. With those stores you can sometimes even choose to buy from a specific Sofer by name. Since Tefillin are (hopefully) a one-time purchase, knowing that you can trust that the Sofer is a Yerei Shomayim and skilled at his work is a big deal.

If you have a relative getting from a trusted Sofer from Eretz Yisrael, there is nothing odd at all about doing the same!

amother

Thistle

Sun, Aug 28 2022, 10:28 pm

amother OP wrote:

My son did choose his Tefillin bag. He (understandably) chose based partially on what he saw his friends carry and his own personal preferences.

Your son will probably have a pretty good idea of what boys his age are using. I know leather is very popular but I did not get a leather one for my sons, FWIW. I wasn't ready to invest in one yet.

amother

Chestnut

Sun, Aug 28 2022, 10:31 pm

amother OP wrote:

We took our oldest to a local sofer, and he taught him what to do and what everything was etc. I don’t have any brothers, so it was actually an interesting process for me to watch. Our son didn’t watch the whole entire time, obviously, but he watched bits and pieces of each step. (We live in NY)

amother

Chestnut

Sun, Aug 28 2022, 10:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

My husband and I went together with our son, and we gave the sofer our price range. We let our son pick out everything- the bags, the font and letter size for his name….

amother

Glitter

Sun, Aug 28 2022, 10:59 pm

amother OP wrote:

I don't think it would be odd to use the same sofer. It would also give you a convenient way to bring tefilin from ey. Just make sure you trust the sofer.

Honestly, I think you should ask the rav of your shul for guidance and then people in real life who you trust who have made bar mitzvahs.

There are different things to think about and you need guidance. Retzuos, ksav, knots etc.

Re tefilin bag, I took my sons to the bookstore, gave him a budget and let him pick one out. If you don't have a good selection I think you could look online.

Make sure you get the right size as bar mitzvah bags are LARGER than tefilin bag your husband has inside his talis bag.

****edited bc I originally typed smaller.

amother

Mon, Aug 29 2022, 12:55 am

amother Glitter wrote:

I just noticed you wrote that the bar mitzvah is in a year and a half.... I think you are only pressured for time of you are wanting to use a specific sofer and they have a long wait.

Like I said I'm completely new at this. I was told that Covid affected timelines. We're in a small community and have recently had turn-over at our shul so I'm researching on a lot of fronts.

We can't just "go to the sefarim store" unless we make a special trip.

amother

Fri, Nov 04 2022, 1:36 pm

Update, so we got a quote from a reputable sofer and he gave us 2 options a higher madreiga and a lower madreiga.

My husband and I are very torn. On the one hand we want to give our son the "best we can afford"--(it's like a $400 difference, either one is a big expense for us, but Hashem Yaazor) on the other hand giving such a valuable commodity to our 13 year-old son is a daunting proposition. While my son is USUALLY responsible, this child does have ADHD and is prone to "oopsies" and rare "outbursts". He is usually careful with his belongings--almost always brings home his jacket, puts away his shoes etc and has had an ipad (real ipad) for several years, his ipad has needed a few repairs here and there but overall he has managed to not lose/damage it beyond hope. Hygiene is a slightly different issue, but he is showing signs of maturity but he hasn't really hit full-on puberty where it's become an issue, but he doesn't like being dirty, nor does he like showering.

Not mention that we have Marvelous Middos Machine 4 in our car and I hear the story all the time.

Of course I see all kinds of miraculous stories about how tefillin are rescued, saved, returned etc.
But then my sister and brother-in-law (who I believe used the same sofer) went with the "regular" option.

How do we decide? Do we stay more within our means? Do we trust him like we trust him with his ipad?

We have 2 other boys right now who we will need to make similar cheshbonos.

Now I understand why a b'chor gets pi shnayim...