He thinks he's funny when he's chutzpadig

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amother

Sun, Aug 28 2022, 10:26 am

Ds is 10 years old. He is a difficult child lately. He is very bright and capable and funny, and he doesn't realize when his attempts at humor become chutzpadig. Here are 3 examples that happened all within a few minutes this morning:

-I told him to get dressed, and he answered, "Nah. Don't wanna." He intended to obey me, but he thought it would be funny to first refuse.

-He saw me sorting a pile of dirty laundry, so he came and lay down on top of the pile and pretended he was asleep so I couldn't sort it.

-He yelled really loud, "pow, pow pow." Right in my ear. I asked his to stop and he said, "But I'm just shooting. Pow, pow pow." And he refused to stop.

How am I supposed to handle this kind of thing?

BrisketBoss

Sun, Aug 28 2022, 10:28 am

Match his energy. Be silly right back.

amother

Seagreen

Sun, Aug 28 2022, 10:29 am

Has anything new been going on? It could be boredom from lack of structure in the summer. Sounds attention seeking to me.

amother

Sun, Aug 28 2022, 10:30 am

It's not a new thing. It's been going on for at least a year. He's the same way in school, but his rebbe last year said he really was funny, the kids laughed at him all the time, so of course he continued. His rebbe didn't get too upset BH.

amother

Crocus

Sun, Aug 28 2022, 2:57 pm

I honestly don't think this is chutzpah, I would call it annoying behavior.
For your first example I would say something like, "you almost got me there, I nearly believed you, you are an awesome kid and I love that you listen and get ready so quickly “
For your second example you can say
" oh, I see you're tired, do you want a pillow? How long do you want to nap here? I'm sure you'll smell great after your nap!" and walk off to do something else.
Or say I was just going to offer you chocolate milk and cookies, oh well I see you'd rather nap and see how fast he jumps up
3rd example say this is so much fun when you're done it's my turn to shoot in your ear..

hodeez

Sun, Aug 28 2022, 3:00 pm

BrisketBoss wrote:

Match his energy. Be silly right back.

Yes, try to be playful instead of strict. Shoot him right back, pile clothes on him when he's on the pile. If he doesn't wanna get dressed make a big scene of putting his pants on one leg at a time like you would a toddler.

Last edited by hodeez on Sun, Aug 28 2022, 3:08 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Camellia

Sun, Aug 28 2022, 3:03 pm

I don’t either see this as chutzpah.

#BestBubby

Sun, Aug 28 2022, 3:07 pm

It IS chutzpah!

A Parent says to do something and I child answers back "NO! I don't wanna"????

Child should be punished and taught this will not be tolerated.

But this should be done CALMLY - children enjoy getting parents upset even if they are punished,
so don't act upset.

When a child is chutzpadik only the child should be upset, (punished) while the parent is only
mildly disappointed.

Kids are expert at this, saying when they are punished "I don't care" - even though they do.

amother

Crocus

Sun, Aug 28 2022, 3:14 pm

Just want to add I have teenagers and some of them can be chutzpadik at times so yes I have experienced chutzpah, PLEASE don't listen to those who are telling you it is chutzpah and giving you dumb advice you'll just get into a power struggle.
You can ask any chinuch expert they will all agree that this isn't chutzpah.

amother

Razzmatazz

Sun, Aug 28 2022, 3:17 pm

RevitalizedMom

Sun, Aug 28 2022, 3:27 pm

All I see is a child with some personality!

amother

Watermelon

Sun, Aug 28 2022, 3:52 pm

The best way to stop a behavior is to ignore it and the best way to encourage a behavior is to give it attention

He doesn’t get dress, leave without him
He wants to lie on dirty clothing leave and do something else

He does something hurtful that needs to be dealt with some alone time and an apology

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Aug 28 2022, 4:05 pm

He’s looking for some attention. Give him attention when he’s acting in positive ways and ignore the negative behaviors.

amother

Stonewash

Sun, Aug 28 2022, 4:06 pm

He's playing. Please don't punish him for playing, you'll curb his personality.
He wants to laugh with you. Smile and tell him how cute and funny he is. He's 10! Then ask him to help you fold 10 things from the laundry.

amother

Tue, Aug 30 2022, 4:54 pm

I have been thinking about this thread. I figured maybe I just have to be more patient with his shenanigans. And indeed, I was able to play along with him a couple of times. But yet, he often acts in ways that cannot be laughed at. Yes, he is chutzpadig often. Maybe it's hard for people to imagine living with this behavior non stop. I'm not describing something that happens once or twice a day. It's constant. He simply disregards other people's feelings and anything I tell him to do. And he fights with his siblings.

Maybe instead of calling it chutpah, I should have called it really annoying behavior.

Or maybe I gave bad examples last time. Here are 3 more examples from the last half hour or so.

-He has a new habit of clapping really really loudly, often in people's ears. I think he likes the sound and he also likes the reaction people give him. I asked him to stop clapping, and he just kept doing it. He said he forgot not to clap again, and eventually I had to send him to his room until he was willing to stop.

-He was throwing a ball in the house, very hard, at the bedroom door. Officially, they're only supposed to play ball outside, but I often overlook it. Then he told me he's going to make a hole in the door from throwing the ball so hard so many times. So I said no more ball in the house, so he threw it one more time, much much harder- at a paper bag, so it wasn't going to break anything, but it made a terrible noise.

-He KEEPS fighting with his little brother. He denied doing anything bad, and he claimed his brother complained about him only because "he's not the brightest person in the world." But then he claimed that's no an insult because he's also not the brightest person in the world- only one person in the world can have that title.

amother

Tue, Aug 30 2022, 4:57 pm

And this just happened: I told him to do his homework and he said "Nah." I told him we don't say nah to me, and he said, "You don't, I do."

Maybe none of these things on their own are so terrible, but when a kid doesn't know how to stop this behavior and be serious for a minute, it is so annoying! It's the frequency as much as the intensity of the behaviors that gets on my nerves so much, and it really makes me grumpy so then I really have no patience for him.

BrisketBoss

Tue, Aug 30 2022, 5:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

-He KEEPS fighting with his little brother. He denied doing anything bad, and he claimed his brother complained about him only because "he's not the brightest person in the world." But then he claimed that's no an insult because he's also not the brightest person in the world- only one person in the world can have that title.

So classic. I love kids.

Do you have special 1-on-1 time with him every day where he gets your undivided attention?

Does he have enough physical outlets?

Have you tried problem solving with him? (I noticed this has been happening, what's up, oh I see, well I find it annoying when you do this--what else do you think you could do when you feel this way)

amother

Carnation

Tue, Aug 30 2022, 5:01 pm

This is not standard annoying behavior. Neither is it really chutzpa. I'd be inclined to discuss it with a child psychologist. How is he in school?

My gut reaction would be to say he is bored stiff and looking for stupid outlets. What does he do with his free time?

amother

Tue, Aug 30 2022, 5:03 pm

BrisketBoss wrote:

No one on one time. I have a bunch of other kids, and I can't just make them disappear every day.

He is able to go out in the backyard any time, and we have a basketball hoop and a trampoline out there. He also has rollerblades, and he loves burning wood with a magnifying glass. But when he's inside, he acts like this.

amother

Tue, Aug 30 2022, 5:08 pm

amother Carnation wrote:

How is he in school?

This year has just started, but his principal taught him math last year. She just told me yesterday that he has an attitude, and also that he doesn't want to show everyone how smart he really is. He is quite bright, but he is not always willing to show it.

As I wrote in my OP, his rebbe understood that he will keep acting out because the kids laugh at him and he loves the attention.

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