Regretting giving things away

amother

Sun, Sep 04 2022, 2:11 am

I have a very hard time giving away things that my kids wore or used... Especially when they are small and there are so many delicious images attached. However, over the years I have pushed myself to do it! Because I don't have endless space and I don't love clutter, and sometimes a stroller is no longer be useful (often because we move houses and have different needs) or for example kids clothing can pile up and it is very hard to know what will ever be useful again...

How do I deal with the regret? Especially when it seems that if only I had x item, I would use it with my current kid! (Five years ago I had no idea whether I would have another girl or whether it would be too outdated etc., but now it seems like it would be just perfect!)

Conversely (not sure if I'm using the word right): When I save an item and then (note the many moves, lack of space etc.) don't realize I still have that thing until the kid who would use it nearly outgrew it... So I anyway missed the "joy" of using that beautiful item again and connecting the memories of older and younger kids. (In this case I had actually given away most of my girls things, just saved four dresses that I loved... but it was with my "memories" stuff instead of practical baby clothes stuff and I just stumbled onto it by chance. Could have really used it earlier this summer...)

Any advice? Commiseration?

amother

Moonstone

Sun, Sep 04 2022, 2:43 am

What makes me want to purge is seeing my MIL's huge storage room full of her kids' old clothes that will never be worn again. With time it all turns into junk no one wants & is just a burden when you want to downsize or after 120.
I try really hard not to get attached to "stuff". & to give away good things while someone will still enjoy them.

amother

Red

Sun, Sep 04 2022, 2:58 am

It's hard.

One of the lines in Dana White's book really stuck with me: Organized people prefer to live with some level of regret than to live with a high level of clutter.

If you give stuff away, you have a chance of regretting some of it.

If you DON'T give stuff away, you have a guarantee that you will have a lot of unneeded stuff.

If you're a nostalgic person like me, it's good to save those one or two items, take photos of some others, and then work on bitachon that you'll be able to get your kids everything they need.

It's okay to have that regret sometimes, just experience it and move on. Those moments are real, but they're a lot better than having a constant presence of clutter in your life.

amother

Papaya

Sun, Sep 04 2022, 3:57 am

Higher chance you’ll regret saving than regret giving away. And most of thw stuff you regret giving away isnt thwt expensive. I try to tell myself: For a couple hundred bucks total I am buying myself harchovas hadaas by decluttering and allowing someone else to enjoy this stuff at the same time.

essie14

Sun, Sep 04 2022, 4:02 am

I take tons of pictures. They're stored digitally, no clutter Smile

It gives me so much pleasure to see my friends using my baby clothes and stuff.
I don't allow myself to get attached to "stuff"
I just can't stand clutter. And clothes get stained in storage. Makes much more sense to pass on and let someone else use it while it still looks fresh. In my neighborhood we all pass things around. So if someone gives away baby girl clothes, by the time she has another baby girl, someone else will be giving away newer clothes.
I have pictures of my DD in every single outfit that I got as a gift.
I make photo books so we are able to look at the pictures as much as we want. I'd rather have the enjoyment of a picture of her than the actual worn out item.

amother

Freesia

Sun, Sep 04 2022, 7:27 am

What struck me is the amount of emotion you have attached to items. I really don't feel that way for 95% of things. I gave away two cribs. And can you imagine? I had twins a few years later. I don't have regrets. I just chuckle.

amother

Dodgerblue

Sun, Sep 04 2022, 7:28 am

amother Red wrote:

This. I love her books and the chapters on sentimental clutter might be helpful for you. You can get them on Libby or Hoopla for free if your library gives you access. Search Dana K. White. I like to listen to the audio while I clean or declutter.

amother

Amaranthus

Sun, Sep 04 2022, 8:06 am

I save two or three sentimental pieces of clothing. I give bags of stuff away as my youngest grows out of them. When I've tried to save, they turn yellow and stay in boxes and usually don't end up getting used. The new baby often doesn't match up seasonally/gender anyhow and we live in a small space. Someone out there is thrilled with my hand me down baby clothes (this past time I've been passing to someone specific who drove a distance to pick up the bags and wants and needs the clothing). And I'm thrilled for her baby to wear them.

My sister in law saved huge containers of baby boy clothes after her first three. I later had three boys in succession but she didn't pass along clothing to me in case she'd have more boys (no hard feelings at all!) Meanwhile, her three boys are now teenagers and she had 5 girls after and no more boys. They then moved to a new city so all those clothes likely got tossed or sent to goodwill.

Life happens. Roll with it and try to help someone else along the way. Things are just things. Meanwhile, anyone need a double stroller? I've got one to give away...

Maryann

Sun, Sep 04 2022, 8:36 am

amother Amaranthus wrote:

I need one !. Where are you located?

SuperWify

Sun, Sep 04 2022, 8:54 am

I realized that there’s no point in saving 95% of things when I opened my box of baby clothes when I pregnant with my second and found a few cans of formula that expired the year before. What a waste. Someone could’ve enjoyed them instead of spoiling in my box.
The rest was mostly boy clothing- I was having a girl- that I promptly donated and was even a bit dated 4 years later.
A few light ivory and white gender neutral items were yellowed.
A few blankets undershirts bottles were useful but I could’ve bought all new without a huge financial loss.

I’m my mind storage space is prime real estate and when I choose I use my space it’s for a very special purpose obly.

zaq

Sun, Sep 04 2022, 10:11 am

Take pictures of the item to preserve the memories and give it away. Don't think of it as losing the item or the memories; think of it as giving the item new life in a new home. You think that adorable baby outfit is happy sitting unused in a box or closet? It feels like an abandoned person in a nursing home. It would much rather be out there living a useful life doing what it was meant to do.

amother

Oatmeal

Sun, Sep 04 2022, 10:21 am

It depends! Sometimes, it is a good idea to hold onto stuff and Sometimes its a good idea to pass things on! I have one girl, so by the time she was 2, I already sent clothes to my sister whose daughter is a couple months younger! I was so happy to see her enjoying all the clothes! Now that I have a bunch of boys in a row, obviously I pass down from one to the next. I was so happy to send all my baby clothes to my sisters to use and enjoy. Even if I have another boy, it will be at least 3 years apart and I'm happy to put my baby into fresh clothes! I strongly believe that chesed goes in circles and Hashem will send you what you need, either clothes from someone else or the money to buy new clothes.

amother

Stone

Sun, Sep 04 2022, 11:19 am

So I am finding the same issue.
Just had a baby.
We are tight on money now due to a variety of unpredictable factors since becoming pregnant. I couldnt afford a new wardrobe. In my area when people give away clothing it is ripped, stained etc. I mean horrifically bad stuff. (My kids do wear hand me downs when a specific neighbor or someone gives them when it's good quality so it's not like I am picky. Just not so stained that I cant tell if the shirtis supposed to be gray... or its speckled all over.)
I was so glad I saved stuff. I bought just a few items to supplement certain sizes/seasons.
But now as I get through clothing now, what do I save? Especially the expensive or shabbos outfits... I use space saver bags and that is super helpful.

(I do notice people giving away cribs more often now so I plan on getting rid of that bulky thing).

amother

Red

Sun, Sep 04 2022, 1:18 pm

I bought youngest DS (2) basically a full wardrobe from Carters for about $75. It really put a lot of the stuff I was saving into perspective.

Yes I had saved some particularly cute stuff, but for day to day regular clothes it was plenty to just buy new cheap comfortable clothing.

amother

Junglegreen

Sun, Sep 04 2022, 1:37 pm

I've got exactly this problem. I'm too emotionally attached to things. I still have a whole shelf full of baby clothes of our children. I'm highly unlikely to have more children (age, IF). Our kids are still at least 10 years away from shidduch age. Those baby clothes are useless. But I can't get rid of them, or of my own old clothes. They are souvenirs from the past, or materialized memories. Throwing them away is like throwing away the past, a part of my life. Taking pictures of them is not a substitute. Our house is a cluttered mess. Crying

amother

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 5:13 am

Thank you, everyone.

I will check out Dana White.

I am not a hoarder lol but I can definitely relate to wanting to be one! Meaning--I have a very hard time giving some categories of things away. But I do do it (and then feel bad, etc.) I don't know, does that make me a hoarder?

I guess I do have anxiety.

Please keep the good thoughts coming!

I had two girls that I kept all their things and then we had a big move and I gave most of it away rather than take it with us... Then I got pregnant with another girl! There's about an eight year gap between the first two girls and my current baby. So I was feeling fine about having given it all way but now I'm realizing how much of it would have been really useful right about now, and some of it much cuter/better quality than what I can buy now not to mention that I'm kind of just redoing... Buying the same stuff I already had (a sweater, a coat, etc.). A lot of stuff would have been silly to save, but some is pretty classic (a pink Gap hoodie) and would have lasted just fine.

It would be nice if I was getting hand-me-downs from someone else, but I'm not.