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Boss of 18 years did not come to my simcha
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Sep 04 2022, 3:13 pm
Or send something or even apologize for not taking part! I am beyond hurt feeling very under appreciated. Can I say something?
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ChutzPAh




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 04 2022, 3:14 pm
Maybe he never got the invitation?
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amother




Eggplant
 

Post Sun, Sep 04 2022, 3:15 pm
amother OP wrote:
Or send something or even apologize for not taking part! I am beyond hurt feeling very under appreciated. Can I say something?

This is such a frum thing. Your boss is a business relationship, not a personal relationship. Definitely don't say anything, it would be immature and inappropriate. Good on him for having appropriate boundaries.
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amother




Hydrangea
 

Post Sun, Sep 04 2022, 3:17 pm
Oh that is upsetting!
Yes you can say: "are you ok? We missed you at the simcha!"
Be DLZ!
maybe someone in his family has an emergency? Maybe he just forgot? I missed a good friend's chasuna, I called her and told her I forgot and joined them for sheva brachos!
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amother




Slateblue
 

Post Sun, Sep 04 2022, 3:26 pm
amother Eggplant wrote:
This is such a frum thing. Your boss is a business relationship, not a personal relationship. Definitely don't say anything, it would be immature and inappropriate. Good on him for having appropriate boundaries.


No it's not. Not if it's an employee for 18 years. Those bosses at least send a gift
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nightingale1




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 04 2022, 3:26 pm
Why is everyone assuming her boss is a man?
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Fab4




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 04 2022, 3:31 pm
nightingale1 wrote:
Why is everyone assuming her boss is a man?


Exactly what I was thinking!
A boss, male or female should acknowledge a simcha. Nothing to do with being frum, or Jewish either.
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amother




Hunter
 

Post Sun, Sep 04 2022, 3:32 pm
I feel for you, I had a similar incident, it actually was the triggering factor that caused me eventually to realize how underappreciated I was, and in the end I left that job. At a job now that I love and I feel appreciated and valued.
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amother




Pear
 

Post Sun, Sep 04 2022, 3:35 pm
Definitely not a frum thing, my daughter's boss and his wife treats her very kindly send gifts for all simchas and they both come. They are a generation older than her and the relationship is warm but with boundaries.
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amother




Lily
 

Post Sun, Sep 04 2022, 3:36 pm
Be dlkz
Sorry
And Mazel Tov!
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rachelli66




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 04 2022, 3:38 pm
amother Hydrangea wrote:
Oh that is upsetting!
Yes you can say: "are you ok? We missed you at the simcha!"
Be DLZ!
maybe someone in his family has an emergency? Maybe he just forgot? I missed a good friend's chasuna, I called her and told her I forgot and joined them for sheva brachos!


Excellent advice! ''we missed you so much''. She or He will probably say ''Oh so sorry I couldn't make it''.
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amother




Slategray
 

Post Sun, Sep 04 2022, 3:49 pm
1. It is NOT a “frum thing”. As a matter of fact, since simchos are less common in the non frum world they are usually even overly acknowledged.

A boss of 18 yrs, whether with a casual or more friendly relationship, definitely should acknowledge-in some way- a loyal employee’s simcha.

That being said, OP, in this case lets hope he/she just forgot and be DL”Z. I would definitely say, “you were missed at our simcha. It was beautiful B”H”. Or something along those lines.

And…
2. Lets say it was a “frum thing” and it seems her boss is frum: uuuum, something that sadly seems to be forgotten here often: We ARE frum so…yeah. If its a “frum thing” then, B”H thats what we are and it should then be acknowledged for THAT reason. And again, if boss is not frum: refer to point # 1 above.
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Sep 04 2022, 4:04 pm
Yes it is a frum boss. A super nice one at that. Came to be menachem avel when my dad passed. Acknowledged the invitation but then didn’t do anything more. My husband on the other hand received a ton of gifts from his company, coworkers, employees and all the different departments. And he’s only with his company for two years! I am so tempted to say something but I really don’t know what.
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amother




Slateblue
 

Post Sun, Sep 04 2022, 4:07 pm
amother OP wrote:
Yes it is a frum boss. A super nice one at that. Came to be menachem avel when my dad passed. Acknowledged the invitation but then didn’t do anything more. My husband on the other hand received a ton of gifts from his company, coworkers, employees and all the different departments. And he’s only with his company for two years! I am so tempted to say something but I really don’t know what.


Well are you disappointed about the "no show" or the "no gift"?

(BTW being disappointed for a no gift is perfectly valid -- I've contributed to office gifts countless times so it's def a wide acceptable thing)
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amother




NeonYellow
 

Post Sun, Sep 04 2022, 4:09 pm
amother OP wrote:
Yes it is a frum boss. A super nice one at that. Came to be menachem avel when my dad passed. Acknowledged the invitation but then didn’t do anything more. My husband on the other hand received a ton of gifts from his company, coworkers, employees and all the different departments. And he’s only with his company for two years! I am so tempted to say something but I really don’t know what.


Because I'm curious, and bc I think I would handle it differently depending on the answer, is your boss a male or a female?- you seem to be using gender neutral terms
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amother




DarkOrange
 

Post Sun, Sep 04 2022, 4:15 pm
amother Eggplant wrote:
This is such a frum thing. Your boss is a business relationship, not a personal relationship. Definitely don't say anything, it would be immature and inappropriate. Good on him for having appropriate boundaries.


Manners is NOT a frum thing! Acknowledging that a worker (of 18! Years) is making a simcha, is NOT a lack of boundaries. DH boss doesn't attend simcha's, but they always send a substantial gift.
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amother




Aconite
 

Post Sun, Sep 04 2022, 4:25 pm
In both the non jewish world and the frum world bosses do attend major celebrations when invited. If they can't they usually send a gift. This is not about boundaries.
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amother




Aconite
 

Post Sun, Sep 04 2022, 4:26 pm
amother Eggplant wrote:
This is such a frum thing. Your boss is a business relationship, not a personal relationship. Definitely don't say anything, it would be immature and inappropriate. Good on him for having appropriate boundaries.


You sound really naive. All my non jewish bosses attended all our simchos. They also attended all the other employees celebrations. These are manhattan offices so I'm not sure what you are basing your info on but you are very misinformed.
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Sep 04 2022, 5:04 pm
amother NeonYellow wrote:
Because I'm curious, and bc I think I would handle it differently depending on the answer, is your boss a male or a female?- you seem to be using gender neutral terms
didn’t mean to come off neutral. My boss is a man.
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Sep 04 2022, 5:06 pm
amother Slateblue wrote:
Well are you disappointed about the "no show" or the "no gift"?

(BTW being disappointed for a no gift is perfectly valid -- I've contributed to office gifts countless times so it's def a wide acceptable thing)
I am disappointed in it being neither! I was sort of expecting him to come and at the very least send a msg apologizing that he won’t be able to attend. And then no gift either?? I’m seriously insulted and questioning how much I mean to him as an employee. What can I say that is respectful?
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