Boss of 18 years did not come to my simcha

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amother

Slateblue

Sun, Sep 04 2022, 8:08 pm

Well, if you have leftover cake or dessert that you would bring in to work. You can just do a casual 'there's cake from the party in the coffee room. Please enjoy. Sorry we missed you there!"

amother

Periwinkle

Sun, Sep 04 2022, 8:15 pm

If your frum boss has 20 frum employees he has a simcha every day and might see it as a formality. It would be nice if he sent gifts to everyone but you never know whats behind closed doors. Say something that you really wished he would have come.

flowerpower

Sun, Sep 04 2022, 8:33 pm

amother Eggplant wrote:

This is such a frum thing. Your boss is a business relationship, not a personal relationship. Definitely don't say anything, it would be immature and inappropriate. Good on him for having appropriate boundaries.

Dumb post alert. If you have nothing nice to say then just zip it.

amother

Grape

Sun, Sep 04 2022, 8:44 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yes it is a frum boss. A super nice one at that. Came to be menachem avel when my dad passed.

I would be dan lekaf zechus then. I don't know what the explanation could be but if he is a nice person and was menachem avel then there should be one.

amother

Jean

Sun, Sep 04 2022, 8:48 pm

Maybe it was his wife's mikvah night. Who knows?

WhatFor

Sun, Sep 04 2022, 8:51 pm

Just out of curiosity, OP, is your boss typically the socially appropriate person who knows what to do or say or does he often have faux pas? And this isn't a huuuge company where you don't usually see him, right? I agree that this is something that would generally be acknowledged.

WhatFor

Sun, Sep 04 2022, 8:53 pm

amother Jean wrote:

Maybe it was his wife's mikvah night. Who knows?

lol. Yeah, he wouldn't want to have to rush out in a middle of a wedding and remove and reapply all his makeup before sneaking back in to the wedding on mikvah night. Jk. He could've showed for the chuppah or earlier if it was his wife's mikvah night and that was an issue. If he couldn't make it, he could've sent a small gift or even an acknowledgment to OP.

amother

Babyblue

Sun, Sep 04 2022, 9:02 pm

Maybe he didn't feel comfortable, if it's separate seating, and has no relationship with your husband, the mechutan, or doesn't even know the chosson, but the women's side he is not allowed into, and even if he's casual in the office but outside how is he supposed to get to you....it might also be awkward if you have to stand there in front of everyone and talk to him at mechitzah, in public. Some frum bosses will be ethical and speak to female employees in the office but outside they won't even greet you, if you bump in.
With gifts it also get sticky with halacha, if a man can give a woman a gift, that being if the only relationship in your family, he has is with you.
It would be nice if his wife came to tell you Mazel tov by wedding, but maybe you don't even know each others.

amother

Leaf

Sun, Sep 04 2022, 9:22 pm

The key question is, does he attend other workers' simchas? If no, you're not being discriminated against and have nothing to complain about. If no, by all means say he was missed.

amother

DarkOrange

Sun, Sep 04 2022, 10:26 pm

amother Babyblue wrote:

A gift can be sent from the company, not from the boss personally.

amother

Amber

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 2:43 am

Did you take off? Would he realize the simcha was already? Maybe he somehow misplaced the invitation..

DrMom

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 3:20 am

Even if he could not attend, he should at least RSVP.

When you saw he did not RSVP, did you follow up and ask?

amother

Cadetblue

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 10:28 am

Since he's your boss of 18years were there any previous simcha you made what happened then?

amother

Smokey

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 10:32 am

I once had a boss who on principle did not attend any simchas. She said that there was no way she would be able to attend all of them and did not want anyone's feelings to be hurt if she could not attend their simcha.

ShishKabob

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 11:11 am

Did he always attend your simchas and just not this one? I mean in 18 years, I'm assuming that you had some simchas in between.

amother

Valerian

Mon, Sep 05 2022, 2:48 pm

As the wife of a boss I can tell you my husband often doesn’t go to employees’ simchas. Occasionally yes, and he will usually try to attend if it’s a male employee that he is also friendly with.

1. Sometimes it’s too far
2. Sometimes it’s very separate and he won’t see the female employee baalas simcha anyway
3. Sometimes we just have a lot of other simchas in our close circles and are worn out

But he does send a gift on behalf of the firm. It is very important to acknowledge the simcha, but the employee needs to acknowledge the boss can’t always attend.

Fox

Tue, Sep 06 2022, 2:55 pm

You can certainly say something neutral, like, "Oh, we missed you! I wish you'd been able to come."

But, honestly, I'd just let it go. Taking insult over people coming or not coming to a simcha only hurts you.

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