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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette
Someome I was relying on just let me down, out of the blue..
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Sep 05 2022, 6:21 pm
My child has been going to 2 separate daycares, morn and afternoon , and the assistant has been taking him to the afternoon one, at end of morning.
V sweet, reliable and bh working out really well . So well, that I decided Im not going to change him to a place that is full day for now.

A day before he is meant to start, playgrp teacher calls me up and says really sorry she didnt let me know earlier, she meant to, bit didnt manag, but the assistant is now leaving earlier and cant take him. She got an afternoon job.
Playgrp lady said she is happy to take once or twice a week but doesnt really want to commit and one of the other mothers walks that way after fetching her child, and I should ask her. She said shes very easygoing and doesnt think shel mind.
Between the 2 of them shel make it work.

Its literally a 2 minute walk round the corner.
But I am feeling really really let down.

Iv just taken on a new job that means I couldnt take my child anyway because I will be at work at the time he needs to go to afternoon one, and I cant drop him off earlier. So it means I will have to rely on others . Its a favour from them, but for me it needs to be a commitment. And I hate asking these things.

My husband is around then as a backup aswel and its also a few minute walk from my house.
Even so, The point is that I need somewhere full day for him.
Without having to fetch or take him in middle of the day.
And this is what I was relying on, because I have seen and spoken to mainteacher a few imes over the holidays and she did not mention this once!

I was looking into other places earlier on, but I specifically decided in the end not to because I was so happy with this arrangement!
Im not angry at the assistant because it was all done through the main teacher and 100% she knew this information a while ago because the assistant is very proper and timely, whilst the main teacher is very very easygoing.

I dont want explanations of how it will work for me. I know hopefully Il be sorted.
But Im just very very annoyed that I was only told about this last minute, and even then there was no massive apologies and no "dont worry wel sort it" and now I will have to rely on other peoples favours to make it work for me.

I think I am going to have to start looking again for full day places even though I really was happy with 2 separate morning and afternoons. And Probably wont get a slot now at all...

Arrghh! I really hate it when people are so 'easygoing' and expect everyone around them to be.
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amother
Phlox


 

Post Mon, Sep 05 2022, 6:31 pm
Were you paying the assistant for this service? If not, it's unrealistic to rely on it. And doesn't really require "massive apologies." Finding a reliable, paying job in the afternoons is a good reason to not be available anymore.
The assistant might have felt uncomfortable cancelling and asked the main teacher to speak for her.
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Sep 05 2022, 6:33 pm
amother Phlox wrote:
Were you paying the assistant for this service? If not, it's unrealistic to rely on it. And doesn't really require "massive apologies." Finding a reliable, paying job in the afternoons is a good reason to not be available anymore.
The assistant might have felt uncomfortable cancelling and asked the main teacher to speak for her.


No problem, I totally understand her.
And very happy for her.

But to let me know the night before is really not nice.

I would def have paid her, but at the time main teacher arranged it and said sure shel do it no problem.
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amother
Aqua


 

Post Mon, Sep 05 2022, 6:49 pm
It's not the teacher you should be upset with. Life happens and we need to accept it doesn't always work in our favor. The morah did nothing wrong, she owes you nothing.
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amother
OP


 

Post Mon, Sep 05 2022, 6:53 pm
amother Aqua wrote:
It's not the teacher you should be upset with. Life happens and we need to accept it doesn't always work in our favor. The morah did nothing wrong, she owes you nothing.


Thank you.

Im quite a commited person and I expect that from others. Im aware of this trait I have, but I still end up feeling so let down when people are too easygoing.

Was just thinking if even one person would tell me its from Hashem and dont be upset would be easier to hear.

I have this dance in my head of being so annoyed and then the flip side of its not a big deal in the major scheme of life.
But Im still black and white and cant get rid of the annoyance.
Its like the moral side of me cant let go.

Sorry, im rambling. Not listening
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amother
Puce


 

Post Mon, Sep 05 2022, 6:58 pm
I'm the same, very organised person. I'd feel upset and let down too. There isn't much that you can do about it though Sad feel for you.
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amother
Crimson


 

Post Mon, Sep 05 2022, 7:02 pm
Frustrating for sure. But one never knows where, when why and how.
I understand your frustration. Yes wiuld have been nice if the assistant had told you ahead of time.
Look at it this way- your hysband will get quality time with the child.
And all will work out nicely.
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amother
Puce


 

Post Mon, Sep 05 2022, 7:12 pm
Was just thinking, can it be that the playgroup morah was desperate for your kid to stay so didn't tell you earlier?
She obviously doesn't realise how much it'll effect you.
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amother
Aqua


 

Post Mon, Sep 05 2022, 7:19 pm
amother OP wrote:
Thank you.

Im quite a commited person and I expect that from others. Im aware of this trait I have, but I still end up feeling so let down when people are too easygoing.

Was just thinking if even one person would tell me its from Hashem and dont be upset would be easier to hear.

I have this dance in my head of being so annoyed and then the flip side of its not a big deal in the major scheme of life.
But Im still black and white and cant get rid of the annoyance.
Its like the moral side of me cant let go.

Sorry, im rambling. Not listening

I'm extremely punctual but no one else it. Sure it's irritating, but it's me working on myself, not me being mad at the world. It's just an unhealthy perspective. It will drag you down. Accept that it's ok. Unpleasant yes but still ok.
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amother
Azalea


 

Post Mon, Sep 05 2022, 7:25 pm
It can be quite frustrating however things do happen in life. B”H in this case only for good reasons and you do have solutions thankfully.
Good luck!
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amother
Ballota


 

Post Mon, Sep 05 2022, 8:26 pm
I’m also a committed and organized person. I don’t think I would have allowed the Morah to do this unpaid until now.
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amother
Bronze


 

Post Mon, Sep 05 2022, 8:44 pm
amother OP wrote:
Thank you.

Im quite a commited person and I expect that from others. Im aware of this trait I have, but I still end up feeling so let down when people are too easygoing.

Was just thinking if even one person would tell me its from Hashem and dont be upset would be easier to hear.

I have this dance in my head of being so annoyed and then the flip side of its not a big deal in the major scheme of life.
But Im still black and white and cant get rid of the annoyance.
Its like the moral side of me cant let go.

Sorry, im rambling. Not listening


Allow yourself to feel what you feel. Validate your emotions first. Then you'll be ready to let it go and move on. When I find myself doing this dance, inorder to get out of the circle talk in my head, Ii have to first allow myself to feel my anger/disappointment/let down (whatever I'm feeling) acknowledge it and validate it. Tell myself it's ok to be feeling these emotions and give myself a mental hug. Once you do that, then it's so much easier to hear your brain tell you it's not such a big deal/it's from Hashem etc, and you could except it with out the BUT...
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amother
Tomato


 

Post Tue, Sep 06 2022, 2:19 am
If you were relying on it so heavily then I think it would have been a good idea to confirm the commitment and even maybe if you were able to pay something to have arranged that as well BEFORE closing the door on moving to the other playgroup.
If it's something you're relying on so heavily, then it's on you to make an official arrangement to make sure it is done.
I understand your frustration, and I'm a very organized committed type of person myself, so I do understand feeling let down when other people don't approach things in the same way, but at the same time if you're organized and committed then you have to see it through and organize all the way, learn not to rely on casual arrangements and the goodwill of others to fix things which are much more important to you.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Sep 06 2022, 4:20 am
amother Tomato wrote:
If you were relying on it so heavily then I think it would have been a good idea to confirm the commitment and even maybe if you were able to pay something to have arranged that as well BEFORE closing the door on moving to the other playgroup.
If it's something you're relying on so heavily, then it's on you to make an official arrangement to make sure it is done.
I understand your frustration, and I'm a very organized committed type of person myself, so I do understand feeling let down when other people don't approach things in the same way, but at the same time if you're organized and committed then you have to see it through and organize all the way, learn not to rely on casual arrangements and the goodwill of others to fix things which are much more important to you.


Thanks.
Im not organized just commited, and I really try not to let people down.

Now what? I dont want to ask someone a 'favour' when really my life depends on it type.
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4g01o




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 06 2022, 4:26 am
amother OP wrote:
Thanks.
Im not organized just commited, and I really try not to let people down.

Now what? I dont want to ask someone a 'favour' when really my life depends on it type.


You need to pay someone to take your kid to the next playgroup every day if you and your dh can't.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Sep 06 2022, 4:31 am
Right, but thats exactly what I didnt want.

Would have just changed him if it was such a hassle.

This lady always reassured me arrangement was good so I just thought it would continue.

I can see now I should have double checked, but I know for a fact she definitely knew about this earlier.

How much to even pay someone for taking your kid twice a week round the corner?
I dont want to sound petty and I would totally do a favour, but this is with her own child aswel, and its a commitment.
Dont really want anyone to just 'do me a favour'

She could be shopping, going out have difdiculties with own child etc.
Im in Uk
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amother
Tomato


 

Post Tue, Sep 06 2022, 5:00 am
amother OP wrote:
Right, but thats exactly what I didnt want.

Would have just changed him if it was such a hassle.

This lady always reassured me arrangement was good so I just thought it would continue.

I can see now I should have double checked, but I know for a fact she definitely knew about this earlier.

How much to even pay someone for taking your kid twice a week round the corner?
I dont want to sound petty and I would totally do a favour, but this is with her own child aswel, and its a commitment.
Dont really want anyone to just 'do me a favour'

She could be shopping, going out have difdiculties with own child etc.
Im in Uk


But what if her child doesn't attend one day? Then I imagine if she's doing it as a favor to you, you'll be stuck, because if her kid is at home sick, she's not going to come out to just walk yours around the corner anyway. She'll call you and say sorry, can't do it today (which would be normal and reasonable).
You need to pay someone to do this as an actual paid job, whatever it's worth, if it's something you 100% cannot do yourself.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Sep 06 2022, 5:25 am
amother Tomato wrote:
But what if her child doesn't attend one day? Then I imagine if she's doing it as a favor to you, you'll be stuck, because if her kid is at home sick, she's not going to come out to just walk yours around the corner anyway. She'll call you and say sorry, can't do it today (which would be normal and reasonable).
You need to pay someone to do this as an actual paid job, whatever it's worth, if it's something you 100% cannot do yourself.


Thank you, yes youre right.
My husband would be available in theory but I prefer to have a fixed thing.

Its a bit of a difficult time but I can see its what I have to do.

Mentioned it again to main teacher and she said really doesnt think its an issue, she would do it for someone else . But def I know if youre paying its a lot more comfortable.
Diff strokes for diff folks I guess.

Really hope I find someone.
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amother
OP


 

Post Tue, Sep 06 2022, 6:35 am
Iv asked the other mother and shes fine with it. I mentiones payment but she declined.
Thats what I mean, ppl decline payment...but its still a favour then and not a commitment...

Obviously would still like more suitable arrnagement.
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amother
Poinsettia


 

Post Tue, Sep 06 2022, 8:25 am
Why is DH backup? IMHO- if DH is around he should do it, and use the mommy and Morah aa bak up
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