Live in | Imamother

Thisisnotmyreal

Tue, Sep 06 2022, 9:30 pm

***Disclaimer: I know what I am writing can come off as a bit judgemental. Please have some emotional maturity to understand that I just want to share something that may not have occurred to people as an option. I understand that everyone has their own way of doing things and I really respect that. ***

If you don't mind, I want to share how dh friends family worked with their live in. This family arranged that the live in would not have a relationship with their children. The way they did this was she worked from 9-4, cleaned and did all the meal prep. The mother still made all the food but the prep was done. Once the children finished school, that was her time off and then from beginning of bedtime she was cleaning in the kitchen... The children basically never saw her.

I'm sharing because I often dream of live in but personally it makes me uncomfortable with my children getting really attached to the live in. This really made it seem doable.

amother

Aqua

Tue, Sep 06 2022, 10:16 pm

Thisisnotmyreal wrote:

I find that the only people whose kids get attached to the housekeeper, live-in or not, are the ones who rely on them for childcare. I have friends who have their cleaning ladies do babysitting and help with bathtime with their babies and toddlers.
Dh had a polish lady who would put him to sleep.
Personally I grew up around cleaning ladies but had zero relationship with them (my mother was extremely nice to them, and one showed us a birthday card from her during shivah). I don’t involve my cleaning ladies in childcare at all. Not even to babysit a sleeping baby unless it’s an emergency. My kids don’t get attached. My preschooler will sometimes address her but he wouldn’t bat an eye if someone else came tomorrow.

amother

Cadetblue

Tue, Sep 06 2022, 10:26 pm

Just a month ago my now former cleaning picked my baby up, put her hand on my baby's head, said some heartfelt something (maybe prayer?) in Spanish and then kissed her all over repeatedly. It was extremely disturbing to watch. I don't speak Spanish at all. I have no idea what she said. She was just there to clean and my baby crossed paths with her.

amother

Steelblue

Tue, Sep 06 2022, 10:41 pm

I feel like this thread went off topic.

Op when I looked recently the prices were much higher than in the past (125 a day+) I spoke with agencies etc. most are not cleaners they really want and are better at childcare/ eldercare type of jobs.

And the judgy posters please start a spin-off if you’d like.

I had a nanny growing up. I wasn’t majorly attached to her past knowing that bh I had a calm mother and a cushioned childhood.

While I’m well aware of the need to be careful, have cameras etc. I had a live in for several years because between early morning fertility appointments and working some nights it was the best way for my kids to have a calm functioning household.

DVOM

Tue, Sep 06 2022, 10:45 pm

amother Aqua wrote:

Fascinating.

We no longer get regular cleaning help, but my kids are all attached to my Mexican cleaner. She's a lovely person who they saw several times a week over the course of many years. Why shouldn't they have a warm relationship with her? We now hire her on occasion if we're making a party to help set, serve, clear and clean, and my boys are always so happy to see her and catch up with her.