Badeken conversation

amother

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 9:45 am

I feel like the mood of badeken at weddings has changed a lot over the years. When I got married, badekens were more serious and emotional and over the last few years they have become exciting and joyful. I'm not saying anything is wrong with this at all, it's just something I've observed.

I'm just so curious what the choson and kallah are always saying to each other when he badeks her. They always look so animated in conversation. If you're comfortable, would you share what you and your choson said to each other at that time?

amother

Pistachio

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 9:58 am

My husband would remember word for word but probably you look beautiful, I love you etc. the usual. The only serious badekens I’ve been to are chassidish (which I am not)

SYA

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 10:18 am

The kabolas ponim and badeken is compared to Rosh Hashana. The Chuppah is compared to Yom Kippur and the dancing to Sukkos/Simchas Torah.
In chabad we don’t talk to each other. It is a serious time.

dena613

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 10:20 am

amother Pistachio wrote:

My husband would remember word for word but probably you look beautiful, I love you etc. the usual. The only serious badekens I’ve been to are chassidish (which I am not)

Mine Definitely didn't say that! Laugh

amother

Pistachio

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 10:43 am

SYA wrote:

Yes my sister married a chabad guy. We had very different badekens

gr82no

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 10:55 am

Chabad it’s a serious time and there’s absolutely no talking to each other. Some don’t look. The fathers/grandfathers give a Bracha.
By litvish and yeshivish they come dancing in and some have a conversation some just say one or two sentences to each other.

amother

Coral

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 11:12 am

Chofetz Chaim has a minhag to do a slow song and a serene badeken. Otherwise, litvaks have done lively for as long as I can remember (my first wedding I was at was about 40 years ago). I actually didn't want to talk- I was very emotional and in the moment of everything and davening and havjng kavanos. But my dh wanted to joke with me, so we did for a few seconds. And, honestly, there was logistical veil back and forth- "How do I- Is this ok?" "It's good."

Note- we had eidei badeken. It was very important to the mesader kedushin, because there's an opinion that this is the wedding. I have seen chassan and kallah speaking and joking under the chuppah lately too.

rachelli66

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 11:17 am

The Couple speaking with each other at the baddekin is just the last few years. It is extremely different, (not bad just different) the way we had our wedding. I think I would have been too nervous to listen or speak with my DH before at the Badekkin. Life changes. 10 years ago there was no whatsapp. Now we got it.

amother

Indigo

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 11:20 am

My husband came from a more balanced background than me. We always jokes that when he was walking down there was so much joy in the air and then when my family and I walked down it was Tishaa Baav.
He said something like 'you look so beautiful,
Can't wait for our life together"

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 11:22 am

Interesting observation. Ive noticed that in the sati leumi world the badeken and walking the kallah to the chupah are very joyous occasions. Very musical, hesder guys jumping, singing and bringing the guy to his kallah.
Never really saw solemn badeken except once, at a chassidish cousin's wedding. But that nay specific to their sect. It was just a very different aveera.

amother

DarkMagenta

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 11:23 am

My badeken was joyful. My husband didn’t say anything to me (maybe it’s more his personality than anything else).
Married 10 years.

PeanutMama

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 11:24 am

I’ve always been curious about this having been to many litvish weddings. I find that everyone was always so happy and dancing behind the chosson.
I don’t remember my husband saying anything but his eyes said everything! There’s a wedding pic that captured it and it’s my favorite.
After a few months he asked me was I supposed to say anything at the badeken and I said nah, you didn’t need to 🙈

At all the chasidish weddings I have been to, the badeken was always a serious time.
Obviously at the first chasidish wedding I didn’t know any better

Last edited by PeanutMama on Wed, Sep 07 2022, 11:28 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Teal

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 11:33 am

My dh was wearing a scarf. I remember wondering why. It was a winter wedding but he was still going to get his kittel anyway. No conversation by us.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 11:41 am

rachelli66 wrote:

I guess it depends on one's circles. I have friends who are married over 20 years and their husbands definitely spoke to them at the badeken. Its not new at all.

amother

Forestgreen

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 11:55 am

We joked about what he would say and then the moment came and he was flustered and said something like wow I haven’t seen you in x time or something.
In response to the other poster- we also did talk under the chuppah. We did plenty of davening, but while we were waiting for someone to start the bracha etc I definitely remember talking a little. It was a bug nerve wracking moment and helped me feel closer to him.

polished

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 12:10 pm

My husband said. You look amazing
And “did you drink? I sent a message that you break your fast”.
(The wedding was late and after Shkiah and he knew I was worried about standing under the chuppah after fasting)

amother

Sapphire

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 12:18 pm

The most solemn badecken I saw was a Shor Yashuv wedding. The music sounded like a funeral, if people had music at a funeral. When it was over, all the kallah's friends stood there in shock. Then some of them burst out in a joyful rendition of Siman tov umazel tov.
Does anyone else have experience with a Shor Yashuv wedding, and is that the norm?

PinkFridge

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 12:55 pm

amother OP wrote:

The badekens are all smiles- which is nice, it is probably the first time they've seen in each other in a week+ - and the chuppah is very serious.
I've seen some chuppahs where the choson is SO seriously davening (don't get me wrong, it's beautiful) that had I not seen him so happy 10 minutes before I'd be worried.