Badeken conversation

amother

Thu, Sep 08 2022, 8:59 am

amother Chocolate wrote:

With a response like that, you know I’m thinking he was saying that you look hot and that he can’t wait to biblically make you his wife.

Haha epic!

amother

Teal

Thu, Sep 08 2022, 11:36 am

amother Chocolate wrote:

Badekens are my absolute favorite part of the wedding!Honest Question, isn’t the whole idea of the Badeken that the Chatan places the veil so he knows it is the right Kallah? (Ie Ya’akov and Rachel/Leah) how does it make sense that her father/grandfather or even his father does it and he is not there to see?

I have no idea what the minhag is based off. 2 of my siblings had it, bec the other side wanted it.

It's kinda weird, all that emotion and its only Totty covering you.

ChossidMom

Thu, Sep 08 2022, 1:23 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Interesting observation. Ive noticed that in the sati leumi world the badeken and walking the kallah to the chupah are very joyous occasions. Very musical, hesder guys jumping, singing and bringing the guy to his kallah.
Never really saw solemn badeken except once, at a chassidish cousin's wedding. But that nay specific to their sect. It was just a very different aveera.

It's interesting. I attend Dati Leumi weddings, Chassidishe weddings and Litvish ones (I have a VERY diverse family).
I absolutely love the DL weddings where the chosson comes and sings an emotional song in front of the kallah and the guys dance each of them to the chupah.
I also love the Chassidishe weddings where everyone just cries non stop from the badeken till the chupa. The level of emotion is awesome and very conducive to davening. No whispering in the kallah's ear here!
I find the Litvish weddings a bit "colder" if you will. They don't dance them down but somehow I haven't observed the level of emotion that I see at chassidishe weddings. They definitely have that little badeken convo and talk under the chupa.
Each to their own, I guess!

amother

Vermilion

Thu, Sep 08 2022, 1:28 pm

PeanutMama wrote:

I recognized that tune from this video, I didn’t know it was from adam harishon, wow! This one is much slower. Sorry for going off topic lol

Thank you for posting this! Yes, this is exactly how my badeken sounded just with a lot more men singing. Listen to the whole thing - how can anyone not feel how special and emotional it is? It gives me the shivers!

(I don't think Adam Harishon actually composed the tune but it's called that since it's been around for so long.)

amother

Poppy

Thu, Sep 08 2022, 1:30 pm

The Yekkishe minhag is that the mesader kidushin brings the chosson in, asks him Is this your kalla? If he says yes, the rav does the actual badeken covering the kalla's face and then leaves 2 eidim behind him and goes with the chosson and fathers etc to the chupa. The kalla follows behind, the eidim stay in sight until after the chuppa.

My kalla teacher told me to look up, catch the chosson's eye in case he wants to say anything. So I look up and see...... my husband's Rav.

PeanutMama

Mon, Sep 12 2022, 9:12 am

amother Vermilion wrote:

True. I excitedly showed it to my husband when I first found it after many years of looking (I first listened to it when I was like 14) and he looked at me funny. Men xD
It IS an emotional niggun and it’s one of my favorites!!

PeanutMama

Mon, Sep 12 2022, 9:12 am

amother Poppy wrote:

amother

Chambray

Mon, Sep 12 2022, 2:48 pm

I think I would have died of embarrassment if my chosson had sung to me in public, at badeken or anywhere else. Yah, yah, yah, we all know you're in love, that's why you're getting married after all, but please, some things should remain private. Girls shouldn't gush to their friends "I love him soooooooo much!!!" and guys shouldn't be singing love songs to their brides in public, be they seventeen or celebrating their golden anniversary.

zaq

Mon, Sep 12 2022, 2:51 pm

amother Chocolate wrote:

Honest Question, isn’t the whole idea of the Badeken that the Chatan places the veil so he knows it is the right Kallah? (Ie Ya’akov and Rachel/Leah) how does it make sense that her father/grandfather or even his father does it and he is not there to see?

Proxy?

amother

Chambray

Mon, Sep 12 2022, 2:54 pm

amother Feverfew wrote:

We’ll found out on Thursday and wedding was Sunday. We were told we should text and if necessary talk to arrange. We def texted way more than necessary Smile

whoa, whoa, whoa--WHAT did you find out? That someone had arranged for you to marry each other? And you found this out three days before your wedding--with a Shabbos in between? Or that you weren't supposed to talk to each other?

amother

Charcoal

Mon, Sep 12 2022, 10:48 pm

amother Chambray wrote:

My assumption was that it was probably during Covid when people didn’t know when they were getting married until last minute.

Moonlight

Mon, Sep 12 2022, 11:08 pm

amother Chambray wrote:

I thought she said found out that some family had covid and what to do abt it

amother

Clear

Tue, Sep 13 2022, 12:20 am

amother Teal wrote:

I have no idea what the minhag is based off. 2 of my siblings had it, bec the other side wanted it.

It's kinda weird, all that emotion and its only Totty covering you.

I think it's a bobov minhag.

amother

Latte

Tue, Sep 13 2022, 3:28 pm

amother Tomato wrote:

Chassidim don't think of the baddeken as a very romantic time.
My husband didn't even come to baddeken. It was my father and father in law.

I think in bobov they do that.

By chasidim, badekin is a very emotional time. Soft music... I remember my dh had wet eye and I had tears too, my father was very emotional too then!

Imo I think its a beautiful time.

amother

Ruby

Wed, Nov 02 2022, 2:56 am

Was just at a chassidish wedding and was discussing with friends that the couple is told to be serious? I just wanted her to smile at him…

The week before our wedding we didn’t see or speak to each other. My DH had sent me a cute stuffed animal every day along with a card. When he came to the badeken he said “I’m the last teddy bear” lol, I thought it was cute.

amother

Blue

Wed, Nov 02 2022, 4:10 am

amother Chocolate wrote:

Yes, it is. To take it further, my mesader kiddushin (no longer alive, so no point in giving his name) said that if the kallah's face is completely covered by a deck tichel, and there haven't been 2 eidim with her constantly from the bedeken to the chuppah, then the chuppah is invalid. Kiddushin takes effect when 2 witnesses say that they saw this particular man be mekadesh this particular woman. If they don't see the woman, then they can't testify to anything and the chuppah isn't valid.

I know chassidim don't hold this way, but I'm putting it out there because some people believe that more covered is always better, and here's a case where it really may not be.

amother

DarkRed

Wed, Nov 02 2022, 4:50 am

amother Blue wrote:

There's a Rav we know and when he is Mesader Kedushin he want the same eidim to be there throughout - signing on the Kesuva, eidim at the Chupah and eidim for Yichud. And he makes sure they are actually watching and see the Chosson and Kallah