Morah Not Helping 2yo Potty Train

amother

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 7:00 pm

Please only respond if you don’t think kids need to beg to potty train before even considering starting.

We spent the break between camp and school (4 days for us) working on potty training my 2 year old. Obviously it’s not perfect and I told his morah (he was with her over the summer so not someone completely new) that he isn’t so much telling me when he has to go yet but with prompting every so often, he has more makes than misses. I showed him where the potty was this morning and sent him with extra backup clothes. I asked if they had any protocol in place for potty training and was told “let’s just play it by ear”

When I picked him up, he was wearing a diaper. I asked if he went on the potty at all and was told he had an accident very early on so they put him in a pull-up and when he made in that, they just put him in a diaper. And he never told them when he needed to go (which I already warned her that he most likely wouldn’t) The main teacher suggested that I just try again over Shabbos. There’s also no one else in the group (older 2s) thats trained yet

He’s my first so I’m wondering if that’s a normal response from the morah. I’m also wondering if it’s reasonable to expect her to keep him out of a diaper/pull up except for nap time and just deal with the accidents as necessary, making sure to prompt him more. There’s a younger 3s group in the same building so there has to be some protocol somewhere about kids who aren’t using diapers anymore.

Any advice is welcome because I know if there isn’t a united front about this, it will take forever to actually get it down.

amother

Stone

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 7:03 pm

I’ve been dealing with this for many years. Morah’s refuse to help. They want the kid perfect before any underwear but how is that possible? No one will be perfect over just shabbos. I found it really frustrating. They had no patience taking them at intervals and just dumped them in diapers. I have a 2 year old now that I’m just pushing off because I dread dealing with this.

amother

Powderblue

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 7:05 pm

Where in his second year is he?

I have a kid who’s just 3. When I trained her at 2 and 7/8 months she was ready, told me when she needs to go and had one accident after she went back to school. A kid that can’t tell you when he needs to go by definition isn’t ready.

I know that there were some kids that had more accidents but none with multiple a day - they either put them on diapers or told mom to keep home a few more days.

amother

Stone

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 7:07 pm

amother Powderblue wrote:

Some kids have accidents for a while. That doesn't mean they belong in diapers. Not all kids are perfect instantly. There needs to be more tolerance about this.

amother

Powderblue

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 7:08 pm

amother Stone wrote:

Unless you send to a place that has a ratio of 3-1 it doesn’t make sense for them to potty train your child. Yes over a shabbos is too little and most ppl do it either over a yt break or keep home. Then the kid can get extra reminder and be taken to the toilet more for the following week or two and hopefully adjusts. My morah asked you to let her know when you plan to do it because she didn’t want more then 2 newly trained kids at a time and was very good about taking extra etc. but she doesn’t and can’t be expected to train a kid. Especially a kid who clearly isn’t ready to be trained.

amother

Raspberry

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 7:10 pm

My daycare actively encourages potty training for every 2 year old. They’re offered the potty every 2 hours and diaper changes are standing up. (This didn’t help my stubborn child who didn’t train till nearly 3.5) BUT I pay a bloody fortune for daycare and this is part of what I get .

amother

Petunia

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 7:12 pm

I kept my kids home for a week to toilet train and then sent in pull-ups till they weren't having accidents anymore. It's not fair or realistic to expect a morah to toilet train and deal with accidents, she can't be busy with 1 child when she has to care for the rest of the group, even if there's an assistant. There are some playgroups that advertise and offer to help with toilet training, but most don't.

amother

Stone

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 7:12 pm

amother Powderblue wrote:

Taking a kid to the bathroom every two hours is not potty training them. Many kids are too shy to ask or go themselves. It's part of being a 2 year old morah. Not sure when it switched to keep your kid home for a month and until they aren't shy. Sure you can stagger so there is only 1 or 2 newly trained at a time. But just like she changes diapers she can walk the kid to the bathroom, it's easier and takes less time.

amother

Hawthorn

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 7:12 pm

amother Powderblue wrote:

I agree with this. Doesn't sound like he's ready.

I've trained several kids. One of them wasn't ready after one weekend -- didn't initiate. I put him back in diapers and tried again six months later. Still wasn't ready. Tried again six months later (after his third birthday) and he had exactly two accidents during training. Almost never had any afterwards.

The others were 100% ready when they started. All but one of them went to playgroup and rarely had an accident -- after a single weekend of training. One of them was scared of the playgroup toilet, and the morah worked with him on it, B"H. But it was obvious that he was trained -- he would say he had to go and then start crying when he saw the toilet, and then have an accident.

Some people who train at age 2 say that their kids are trained. The kids are not trained; the parents are trained to take them to the bathroom at set times. Sounds like this is your child, and the morahs don't view this as "trained" in a way that will work in their playgroup.

cuties' mom

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 7:13 pm

I waited until 3 to start potty training my kids and sent kids in pull-ups until they were fully trained. As a teacher, I can tell you that kids having accidents in a toddler class affect the whole class. Toddlers need lots of attention, and if one teacher is constantly busy changing a kid leaving the other teachers to try to keep the kids out of the puddle, the rest of the kids may not be getting the attention they need. 3-year-olds usually understand not to go in puddles and don't need as much support. I did work on toilet training back when I taught 2s, but not in September when kids are still crying and adjusting to school.

amother

Rose

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 7:13 pm

I did DD when she was 2-1/2 over Pesach vacation. By the time she went back to school she was saying when she needed to go or going on her own, and was having at most one accident a day. I wouldn't send a kid back to school until they were close to that point. I cannot exoect the morah to be that on top of a kid if they're not ready to verbalize that they need to go

amother

Foxglove

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 7:15 pm

I'm a morah and felt very sad reading your rude words. But I understand, you just can't understand us.
Yes, it's appropriate to spend between 4-7 days keeping a child home and potty training them. All children need a different length of time. By the time they get to morah they should be able to stay dry with mild prompting (not begging or bribing!) every hour or so.
I as a morah am focused on loving and caring for each child, making sure they are engaged, and not being bullied or bothering others. Having to deal with a 2 year old that is not quite ready to be trained but mother is due soon and desperate but the child is disinterested, is extremely distracting to the peaceful rhythm I strive to achieve. Honestly I wish mothers would realize that the more demands they make of a morah the less care their child ends up receiving. YOU DON'T KNOW what it's like to be a morah so please don't decide what is a legitimate expectation of her!

amother

Cherry

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 7:17 pm

It is not typical for two year olds to potty train (yes, of course there are exceptions), so I would not expect a Morah for that age group to put too much effort into this unless it is mandated by the school. "Let's just play it by ear" is a nonconfrontational way of saying no.

amother

Petunia

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 7:19 pm

amother Stone wrote:

If a child doesn't say that they need to go, needs prompting often, and still makes accidents daily, then they're not toilet trained and you can't expect morah to deal with that. You end up spending a lot of time on this 1 kid. This child is clearly not ready to be toilet trained.

amother

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 7:28 pm

Just to answer everyone’s questions in one shot:

He’s 2 and a month. So yes young but he is the type of kid that thrives with responsibility.

I spent 4 days barely leaving the house training, not just plopping him on a potty every 15 min but working with him to recognize his own feelings.

He’s slightly behind average on speech so he doesn’t vocalize his needs all the time but he does have physical signs before he goes and is starting to tell me

I don’t think I said anything disrespectful about the morah. I’m expressing frustration that something I spent 4 days focusing on was all thrown out the window within an hour. I’m asking if I’m being reasonable. The personal attack that “I don’t know what it’s like to be a morah” without any knowledge of my background is extremely disrespectful.

amother

Raspberry

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 7:31 pm

amother OP wrote:

Wow that’s young. Honestly without n owing in advance that I had the teachers buy in and comittment I wouldn’t have attempted it. You said she taught him this summer: did you consider discussing your plan with her before you started?

amother

Powderblue

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 7:33 pm

amother Stone wrote:

I agree she should be taking the kid every two hours. We don’t know from OP if she did that but it sounds like he had an accident right at the start of the day.

Personally I would think it’s reasonable for her to change him once, second charge gets a pull up and still gets taken to the bathroom. I also still think 4 days and a kid that doesn’t ever say when he’s making is too early to toilet train.

amother

Winterberry

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 7:34 pm

You could toilet train a 3 yo in 4 or 5, but a 2 yo needs much more time. You should continue putting him on the potty at home and try to fully toilet train him over yt, even then he might not be ready. Speaking from experience as all my kids were toilet trained by 20 months. I didnt send to playgroup for quite a while over the toilet trainning period (I kept them home for the summer).

amother

Currant

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 7:36 pm

I trained my kid very young at 2.2 the whole week before pesach. I wanted him trained by summer so he can attend camp as a toilet trained kid and join the 3 year olds. BH it worked out. He did have some accidents. Babysitter told me if you want him coming in underwear, he can't have accidents for 3 days. That is what inspired me to spend the whole week training before pesach. Anyhow, part of training is actually knowing when they need the bathroom, pulling their underwear and pants down on their own, picking up toilet seat, or getting on toilet, making, flushing, pulling up underwear and pants, flushing, washing hands, etc. Basically, creating independence very quickly! I agree about taking kid to bathroom, if you have a routine or every 2 hours etc. But, it does not sound like your child is trained. Sounds like you are in middle of training and teacher does not or can not help you right now
Hatzlacha!

amother

Powderblue

Wed, Sep 07 2022, 7:36 pm

cuties' mom wrote:

Good point about it being September btw.