Ugh - I get so annoyed

amother

Fri, Sep 09 2022, 2:14 pm

I get so annoyed when people cancel last minute for Shabbos meals.
I make Shabbos for my family each week anyway so I shouldn’t get so annoyed. But I tell my kids that we’re having Sem girls / bachurim. And they get all excited.
And if they’re coming in a big group I have to shop and cook for more people.
And then they text on Friday “sorry we won’t be able to make it in the end”. Even worse sometimes we’ll be waiting for them for kiddish and they just won’t show.

I know it happens once in a while that someone gets sick, or something big can happen but I find with Sem girls / bachurim there is a 20% late cancellation or no show rate.
It really drives me nuts.
Am I the only one who gets annoyed at last min cancelations/ no shows?

amother

Oleander

Fri, Sep 09 2022, 2:19 pm

amother OP wrote:

People that age aren’t always fully considerate, up on etiquette and manners, etc.
Just assume they might now show, or when you invite, ask that they let you know in advance if something comes up and they won’t be able to make it,

NotInNJMommy

Fri, Sep 09 2022, 2:26 pm

That's frustrating. You can consider limiting the size of group invited to one that won't make or break your plans with food or other guests. You can consider letting htem know when kiddush/motzi is planned for. You can consider having extra grape juice/challah rolls around in case they are late so you aren't just waiting and wondering. Those would be some things that would make me less vexed. (in addition to using that to inform which folks I invite in the future)

amother

Yarrow

Fri, Sep 09 2022, 3:39 pm

Completely not acceptable. Who are teaching these children middot?

My DD is newly home from sem (so basically the same age.)
The only reason to not show is being diagnosed with Covid/flu…
AND if you know before Shabbos, you call to apologize.

zaq

Fri, Sep 09 2022, 4:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

I hear you! It's rude, thoughtless and disrespectful, plain and simple. I think it's all of a piece with the lack of training in etiquette and an overall sense of entitlement that is so pervasive. Also with an unwillingness to commit, always looking for something better around the corner. These aren't people who planned to come and their plane was diverted to Ougadougou, or their baby got pneumonia, or their malaria relapsed. These are people who are self-centered and will do what's most pleasant for them, to heck with anyone else.

After a while I stopped extending invitations to people with this sort of history and limited myself to guests whom I could depend upon to live up to their commitments.