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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Sep 11 2022, 8:39 am
I recently made a simcha and I am so hurt by something. I can't stop judging the people involved- I'd love to get rid of the judgement and move on. I work in a company where our division is a small closely knit group of ladies of similar age and stage. We all contribute to each other's simchas by giving a small gift. I have contributed no less than 10 times to their simchas. This being my first "official" simcha I am not sure if I am wrong or not. I know this is extremely petty but no one sent anything for my simcha! I can't tell you how hurtful this was for me and almost no one even acknowledged the simcha. Should I mention this to them? We have a great work relationship but the hurt is eating me up. Why would they do this to me? Why would they totally ignore my simcha when over the years I've been involved in all of theirs?
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NotInNJMommy




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 11 2022, 8:40 am
Are you sure they didn't do anything or could it be delayed? Have you been back to work since the simcha?
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Notsobusy




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 11 2022, 9:00 am
Are you close with anyone of your coworkers? I would pick the one I'm closest with and ask her privately what happened? It was probably and honest mistake and they'll probably feel terrible once they realize they forgot.

I don't blame you for feeling hurt. It's not the gift as much as the feeling that these women who you feel close to don't feel close with you.
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amother




Maple
 

Post Sun, Sep 11 2022, 9:09 am
I would mention it to one of the women- sounds like something got lost in the shuffle. I’m sure they wouldn’t deliberately leave you out! Was it something crazy like everyone was out of town/summer…?
Gotta be a story here because just doesn’t make sense.
Hugs and hatzlocha
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amother




Goldenrod
 

Post Sun, Sep 11 2022, 9:42 am
In my office sometimes people take the initiative to arrange a group gift, and sometimes no one takes the initiative so it doesn't happen... maybe thats what happened here.
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amother




Salmon
 

Post Sun, Sep 11 2022, 9:57 am
amother OP wrote:
I recently made a simcha and I am so hurt by something. I can't stop judging the people involved- I'd love to get rid of the judgement and move on. I work in a company where our division is a small closely knit group of ladies of similar age and stage. We all contribute to each other's simchas by giving a small gift. I have contributed no less than 10 times to their simchas. This being my first "official" simcha I am not sure if I am wrong or not. I know this is extremely petty but no one sent anything for my simcha! I can't tell you how hurtful this was for me and almost no one even acknowledged the simcha. Should I mention this to them? We have a great work relationship but the hurt is eating me up. Why would they do this to me? Why would they totally ignore my simcha when over the years I've been involved in all of theirs?


Was yours a smaller simcha and their large? Did you invite them?
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Sep 11 2022, 10:03 am
amother Goldenrod wrote:
In my office sometimes people take the initiative to arrange a group gift, and sometimes no one takes the initiative so it doesn't happen... maybe thats what happened here.


I totally understand this - I just wonder - How should I respond to them not taking initiative for my simcha? I don't want to be mean and say next time -well you did not partake in mine so I won't contribute to yours. That is babyish mean spirited but it's honestly how I feel. How should I respond and process this?
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Sep 11 2022, 10:16 am
I am also always the one to be gushing about and warmly discussing others simchas and family stories. I realize that maybe this is a lesson to have better "boundaries" at work. Not to be overly warm and friendly as these people are only coworkers- here today gone tomorrow. Is that the lesson? I am asking because I want to hear the truth.
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kenz




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 11 2022, 10:17 am
amother Goldenrod wrote:
In my office sometimes people take the initiative to arrange a group gift, and sometimes no one takes the initiative so it doesn't happen... maybe thats what happened here.

Or they're still collecting and didn't quite make it in time for the simchah.
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ttbtbm




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Sep 11 2022, 10:36 am
If your Simcha took place recently it could be everyone was overwhelmed with having kids home, having to be at work and all the other between camp and school craziness. Not at all that they don’t love you and want to be a part of your Simcha, just simply overwhelmed?
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