Does your husband care how you cover your hair?

amother

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 4:57 pm

I was talking with a friend and she was surprised that my husband didnt care at all as to how I cover my hair. She thought that was strange, but then realized that this may very well be community specific.
I live in the MO world and this friend is in the chassidish world.

I cover with scarves and baseball caps. Very rarely with barrettes and almost never but here and there with nice hats.
She only covers with a wig and at home with a snood.
So I wonder if this is personal to different people or based on community standards for some.

amother

Clematis

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 5:11 pm

I learned very on in my marriage that DH prefers when I go out in a sheitel. So now I always do (besides for maybe on my block). At home I am usually in a fall, sometimes in a snood.

But my DH has preferences on many things.

amother

Forsythia

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 5:16 pm

I couldn’t be with the sort of man who has and gives opinions on what I wear and how I dress. That feels controlling to me. So no. Mine doesn’t. BH

amother

Jasmine

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 5:16 pm

I'm Just Orthodox and my husband doesn't care. I usually cover a different way from the vast majority of women in our community.

amother

Ghostwhite

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 5:17 pm

My husband doesn't care, but I go to work in a sheitel (I run my own business so it's not because I have to) and I either wear a sheitel or a beret at home. I wore caps for a short time but they gave me headaches.

PS - I think you mean berets not barrettes

amother

Camellia

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 5:22 pm

My husband is not controlling at all and doesnt have any prefrence on how I dress...but it is important to him that I wear a sheitel
I have veey unruly frizzy curly hair so I understand

amother

Ginger

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 5:23 pm

It does have a lot to do with communities imho.
I can't see a chassidish man being ok with his wife wearing a cap. Maybe because it's not the norm by them
I wear a sheitel in the streets and at home whatever I want.

hodeez

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 5:25 pm

From the beginning he said he preferred how I look with a tichel because the wig covers my face. I guess he likes my face whoda think 🤷‍♂️

amother

Acacia

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 5:27 pm

Every guy is different. My father hated hats so my my mother never wore them. But she interchanged between sheitel and tichel. My sisters mostly wear sheitels and falls (yesheivish). But they don't wear falls that show some of their hair, some people do. My husband doesn't care but he always wants it obvious that I am covering. So no natural looking anything.

amother

Cobalt

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 5:28 pm

Yes my husband very much cares! He would love if I would always be in a sheitel. But that gives me headaches, so a snood is fine at home. At the begining of our marriage, I used to wear scarves, but dh really dislikes those. We are yeshivish, but originally from Israel so scarves are the most common in ther community we come from.
I think its no different than a husband prefering his wife wearing certain styles or colors of clothing.

amother

Clematis

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 5:28 pm

amother Ginger wrote:

I think it’s a combination of community and individual personalities. My father is MO and really doesn’t care what my mother wears. But it’s also his personality. I am yeshivish and my DH cares a lot, but he cares what he wears, as well. I don’t find him controlling, just very into details.

nicole81

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 5:33 pm

When talking with my husband while dating about his first marriage, he mentioned how he had clear beliefs about how his ex should have covered. He was I guess lw yeshivish and she was MO. I clearly explained to him why it was none of his business. In our almost 9 years together, he has never said a word😁 He does comment when he thinks I look particularly nice-- which has been while wearing snoods, sheitals, and wraps-- but he understands that the "how" is none of his business and between a woman and hashem.

amother

Forsythia

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 5:54 pm

amother Cobalt wrote:

Until imamother I hadn’t heard of a husband expressing preferences over colors or styles either! I just didn’t grow up with a dad who did and thank gd (for me) picked a husband who doesn’t.

notshanarishona

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 6:02 pm

My husband has told me he likes the way I look better lets say with a sheitel but he doesn’t expect (nor would I consider) that his preference dictates how I dress. It’s up to me.

Alternative

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 6:33 pm

amother Forsythia wrote:

Until imamother I hadn’t heard of a husband expressing preferences over colors or styles either! I just didn’t grow up with a dad who did and thank gd (for me) picked a husband who doesn’t.

Same.
I think it's ok to express a preference (although I don't know anyone who does). But it's not ok to ask your wife to wear something that causes her discomfort, like asking her to wear a sheitel if it gives her a headache or heels that she hates to walk in.

And of course the final say is the woman's, even if it doesn't cause her physical discomfort, she needs to feel mentally/socially comfortable wearing what she wears.
Same goes for a man's clothing and headgear of course.

amother

Narcissus

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 6:37 pm

I’m sure he would rather I wear my sheitel but I usually wear scarves and he doesn’t say anything. Maybe once or twice a small comment but that’s all.