How do ima's w young kids stay up late for the parade of YTs

amother

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 7:12 pm

these yom tovs all start so late -- can't make kiddush until after tzet on most of them, and 2nd day starts even later because you can't prepare. we bring in shabbat early, but that doesn't work for most of the yom tovs.

I've got a 3 week old and my schedule is to feed him at 8pm and then go to bed. he gets up every 3 hours to eat, so in order to get enough sleep I need a really long window of sleeping to account for feedings and time to fall back asleep. I'm a total wreck if I don't stick to the schedule and after more than one day of really bad sleep due the newborn I'll be in literal physical pain.

with this parade of yom tovs, it's not just staying up until 11pm one night. it's so many nights over the course of 3.5 weeks.

how do imas with young kids function with routinely staying up so late? I hear "just take naps" as if that solves everything and I find it insulting.

BrisketBoss

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 7:16 pm

Why insulting? That IS how I function. If I don't get enough sleep then I take a nap. I get DH or someone else to watch the kids if needed. If I do get enough sleep to function, then I don't nap. The nights are still hard. It's always hard.

Also I nurse in bed so sometimes I manage to sleep while feeding, although ordinarily it takes me a while to fall asleep.

amother

Acacia

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 7:21 pm

I don't have a baby and I'm also concerned about it. I usually head to bed at 9pm. That's how I'm wired. Early to bed and early to rise. No ability to nap during day - I never fall asleep.

During the summer we make an early shabbos and even so I usually bench after the fish course and head to bed.

It's hard. My body clock doesn't sync with Jewish life.

amother

Peru

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 7:21 pm

Once you have more than one, you often don't get to plan your schedule around them. Basically, it's hard. But it won't always be this hard. Remember that with a three week old, you're not just a mother of a young baby- you're still recovering from birth. Do whatever you need to do, even if that means not staying up late two nights in a row. And yes, long naps during the day do help. It sounds patronizing when you have to be the one to figure out how to have them. But your dh is home; set up with him in advance that he will take over. And know that once you've recovered, things are usually a bit more forgiving.

amother

Brunette

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 7:29 pm

People will tell you that you’ll get used to it and you will but it’s very hard. I hate being off schedule and it wrecks me for a while.
What I do is I look at the calendar and count the days that we absolutely must go to sleep late, and I see that it doesn’t total as much as it seems like.
The rest of the days (chol hamoed, etc) I try to stick to my schedule as closely as possible. I’m not human otherwise.

amother

Tomato

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 7:44 pm

Wondering if having a 3 week old still classes you as a choleh and you’re not mechuyav in the meals etc… Can you move into family for YT so you can wash for the meal and head to bed and DH is not alone for the meal?

amother

NeonGreen

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 8:42 pm

Why not light candles, go to sleep & have kiddush + meal at baby's next feeding?

Also if you don't have other kids you should be able to have a late morning

amother

Peachpuff

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 8:49 pm

If you have a three week old then by the time the Yomim tovim start he’ll be 5 weeks and when sukkos comes around he’ll be about 7 weeks. I know for myself that every week with a newborn is a huge difference. Also I’m glad you can schedule your baby already at so young to sleep so early and keep going back to sleep after each feeding!
I guess if I’d have a YT baby I wouldn’t have such a problem. My babies usually tend to settle down closer to midnight or later at that age!
Good luck!!

amother

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 8:51 pm

op here... btw, we have another one under 2, so naps, sleeping in, etc is easier said than done. husband is in shul in the morning, and then there's lunches in the afternoon and even if done quickly still take time. baby feeds sometimes every 2 hours in the daytime, so a little catnap when I'm stressed about waking up in an hour and having to nurse and also prepare food that evening and deal with 2 kids isn't going to remedy terrible sleep day in and day out...

amother

Latte

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 9:06 pm

This reminds me of a poster a few years back who wanted to skip the Seder on pesach because it didn’t work with her and the baby’s schedule.

OP I had a baby BH 4 days before RH a few years. I managed. So will you. We all
Get through and so will you

This isn’t something to stress about 2 weeks in advance. Take it one day at a time.

amother

DarkGreen

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 9:06 pm

Honestly I’m not up for the all the night meals till my kid is around a year. I have two with a similar age gap and it just was beyond my abilities. My kids do not sleep through the night and after the first Seder staying up my kid kept me awake from 2-5. I left the second Seder early on and finished most of the Seder by myself.

For RH we were by family and I went to sleep after kiddush. There were times we were alone (Covid Forsure but also some others) I still go to sleep.

Now my second is over a year and I bh manage to serve night meals etc even though we still are awake plenty at night.

amother

Blush

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 9:17 pm

I skip some night meals if I can't handle it and I make it a priority to nap. I also pump before YT so I can get a solid 3+ hour nap and my husband watches the kids. I even get ear plugs because I know I need this nap.

amother

Fern

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 9:18 pm

when my kids were younger we would just have kiddush, challah bentch and sleep if one of us wanted a little fish or soup we ate it but we had a small quick meal.

notshanarishona

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 9:20 pm

Sometimes I don’t have the yom tov meal with my family. I keep a cup of kiddush upstairs and say kiddush when I am waken up in the night.

amother

DarkYellow

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 10:00 pm

Yom tov starts at 6:30 for rosh hashana and 7:30 the next night. By succos, yom tov starts at 6.

Honestly this means maybe you’ll be in bed a a whole half an hour later than planned? Not a big deal. Especially the second night - NO one is hungry, we don’t even eat much more than the new fruits.

amother

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 10:16 pm

amother DarkYellow wrote:

wrong. zmanim are widely different in different parts of the US. and it's irrelevant when the yom tov starts. you can't make kiddush until tzeit (assuming the men are even home from shul by then). and you can't even start preparing for the 2nd night until tzeit.

tzeit for RH is well past 8 where we are. and we're lucky this year that RH in late september because of the leap year. RH is sometimes now (early sept), and tzeit is past 8:30 where we are now.

amother

Latte

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 10:19 pm

amother OP wrote:

You’re getting lots of support here from other women to feel the same. I’m likely a lot older than you but honestly never occurred to me to try to pause life around me just because I have a baby. Life goes and I move with it. But you have a lot responses here to the contrary. What Would be helpful for us to say?

amother

Hibiscus

Sun, Sep 11 2022, 10:23 pm

I find Shabbos and YT is the best time for naps since DH is around to watch the kids. There's no reason you can't have a 2 hour nap. Feed baby, go to sleep, and wake up for next feeding.