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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
Under the radar HS Student
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YOUNGIMA




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 13 2022, 1:27 pm
I graduated HS over 10 years ago and still feel that I just floated through the system. I was a B+/A student. Studied hard and did well. Behaved in class and had a few friends. None of us were ever chosen for anything. We did our own thing. I really don't feel that the school applauded our achievements or made us feel accomplished. For reference, our grade was under 75 girls, so the teachers and principles knew us, but we barely got more than a nod in passing.

The failing students and A+ students got all the jobs/positions/acknowledments.

Anyone else feel this way? I wonder if there could be some sort of oversight to make sure each girl feels pushed to do her best and get recognized for her achievements.

Ideas?
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amother
Brass


 

Post Tue, Sep 13 2022, 1:31 pm
As the A+ student who became chesed head (which I did not want or deserve) I agree that the system needs fixing.
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amother
Honey


 

Post Tue, Sep 13 2022, 1:38 pm
I was in the same boat as you. I feel I actually had a chance to shine when I went to sem since it gave me an opportunity to get a fresh start without being scrutinized and based on my grades.

It's an unfortunate and sad situation.
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amother
Heather


 

Post Tue, Sep 13 2022, 1:40 pm
yes agreed. 1000%.

My daughter is like this. I have learned that I need to find the one teacher/admin that she likes and advocate for her. Otherwise, they have too much on their plate and will not notice my child. I don't do nearly enough for what she deserves. But when I reach out, I do find that the right people are open and willing to listen to the extent that they can. It's true that some don't. But I find that the ones she likes are responsive and understanding within the opportunities available and the capabilities they have within the school. No one can work magic, but a little acknowledgment goes a long way.
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amother
Periwinkle


 

Post Tue, Sep 13 2022, 1:44 pm
I don't have any ideas, just sharing my experience.

I was an A+ star pupil. Never saw a B on my report card, ever. Was frequently chosen (in a grade of about 120 girls) to head various things. Director of something or other for school production. Head of acting choir for cantata (even though I cannot sing or dance). Shabbaton speech. Yearbook editor in chief. On the shortlist for valedictorian.

Couple of points I want to bring out:

1. Despite my intelligence, leadership skills, and being chosen for stuff, I had (and still have) a terrible self-esteem. I do sometimes wonder if I would feel even worse had I not gotten chosen for anything.

2. Even though it does feel nice to be selected to head things, at a certain point it got annoying. I liked school. I enjoyed learning. I didn't want to constantly be pulled out of class to "finish up arrangements for school shabbos" or "another practice run of the dance" or "yearbook meeting with the homerun teacher". Just let me be.

3. As yearbook editor, I had to appoint some girls to head some sub-comitees. One girl, when I told her that's she's head of xyz, got almost teary, and told me that it's the first time in the entire high school that she was chosen to head anything. I felt like a piece of garbage, knowing that I was chosen over and over again while she (and others!) never had a chance.
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amother
Marigold


 

Post Tue, Sep 13 2022, 4:03 pm
Yes it was the same girls getting chosen for everything over and over again
I never understood why the girls who were head of mishmeres in 9th, were then head of chesed in 10th and production in 11th...like why cant different girls get the opportunity!?

Its a real problem

When I graduated I asked why I was never chosen dor anything and was told that I was doing okay academically and socially so I didnt seem like I needed it
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amother
IndianRed


 

Post Tue, Sep 13 2022, 4:07 pm
Yes yes yes
Ur only noticed if ur one of the TOP girls or if ur causing trouble
It was horrible
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amother
Lightblue


 

Post Tue, Sep 13 2022, 4:26 pm
Yes, my daughter is in a school where there are 6 classes in her grade. They only give top jobs to girls who are top academically. She told me that the girls in the lower level class get the worst jobs.
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Goody2shoes




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 13 2022, 4:29 pm
It seems to be the same in every school. ridiculous.
in my small chassidish high school of 25 girls per grade you were either chosen if you had a Name meaning your family was associated with the mosdos, or if you were a top student. otherwise you fell right thru the cracks.
we had girls who decided to stand out in any way possible, even in negative ways just to get a bit of attention. And we had the girls who were chosen for everything from Class rep. To addressing the school during assemblies, who would never have been asked had their last name not been XYZ. Its shameful
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amother
Oldlace


 

Post Tue, Sep 13 2022, 4:32 pm
I was a nobody but I think I wanted to be that. I had no particular school spirit and didn't want to take part in school government or committees or even clubs. I had my group of friends who were similar "slackers" and our interests just weren't in that direction.

Some of the teachers tolerated me while others really liked me and that was really based for the most part on how much interest I actually had in the subject matter. Some courses I did really well in - super excellent while others I performed competently.

Honestly I am still that way as an adult as I don't really have that much interest for the most part in community affairs. There are a few causes when something is important to me and I have actually been a leader in terms of implementing something significant but for the most part I am content with my family and like minded social circle and I essentially enjoying chilling to the extent possible.
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amother
Zinnia


 

Post Tue, Sep 13 2022, 4:33 pm
Seriously??? I didn't do well academically but was a good girl with good friends. I never got noticed and never got any job! It was always the same populR girls who did well in school.( and I have a weird feeling their parents supported the school financially as well!)
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amother
Hyacinth


 

Post Tue, Sep 13 2022, 4:37 pm
I had TOP marks but still didn’t get picked for anything. I think because I wasn’t so outgoing and I didn’t exactly fit the image the school wanted. I was always a good girl, never rebellious at all, but I didn’t mind being different which I guess they didn’t like.
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amother
Amaranthus


 

Post Tue, Sep 13 2022, 6:51 pm
I am really relating to this! I was the top girl in my class academically. I was very ahead and knew the material years before it was taught so I just sat in the back and entertained myself all day in elementary school. I always felt ignored and like the teachers didn’t care about me because they weren’t teaching me anything and I behaved well. It felt horrible to be punished for being a good student. I got no recognition. By the time I reached high school I was burned out and had no interest in school. Looking back I really wish I could have attended a more academic school where my skills would have been valued and cultivated. The school I went to OOT was the only option and the academics were mediocre with no classes tracked.
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LK1




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 13 2022, 7:01 pm
Same exact boat as you.

Was actually just discussing this since I have 9th grade sil and realized I never ONCE talked to my principle throughout my 4 years of high school. Not a word.

And the one time we had a teacher that did mention about a recycling bin ect... she outright denied that there's such a thing. Gave a whole speech about every single girl gets fair chance... (still remember cuz I was really angry at her for a really long time.)

Needs major major fixing.
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amother
Candycane


 

Post Tue, Sep 13 2022, 7:03 pm
Yes!!! I never got picked for anything, ever. I was a great student. Not top TOP but almost always around the A/A- category. Even in some honors classes.
I wasn't the smartest. I wasnt from a wealthy or "name" family. And I definitely wasnt a troublemaker or problem student.
I went to sem and hoped I could be the head of something. I was told once "yeah, we were going to choose you for program X but it got canceled and by then all the jobs were given out". A week later they decided to run that program and I still wasn't chosen. I went to the lady in charge and was pleasantly assertive that I was surprised I didn't get it when I was told it was supposed to be mine... she hemmed and said "well, we had other considerations". I pointedly asked if it was because I was doing fine academically but the girls chosen were not. She was now the shocked one and stammered a "yes".

I needed to be recognized for something I was good at. Besides my test scores. I wanted a chance to be creative, have fun, make friends. (Commitees like that were how girls made friends in seminary...).

It is painful. And yeah, I have low self esteem from that pattern. I never had the chance to find myself in a social environment. I have tried learning things, exploring hobbies, doing things on my own... but it just isnt the same.
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boat




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 13 2022, 7:10 pm
Gosh I was hoping someone would post a shout out that their particular school, or daughters school was not like this.
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amother
Lily


 

Post Tue, Sep 13 2022, 7:19 pm
alwayssmiling wrote:
It seems to be the same in every school. ridiculous.
in my small chassidish high school of 25 girls per grade you were either chosen if you had a Name meaning your family was associated with the mosdos, or if you were a top student. otherwise you fell right thru the cracks.
we had girls who decided to stand out in any way possible, even in negative ways just to get a bit of attention. And we had the girls who were chosen for everything from Class rep. To addressing the school during assemblies, who would never have been asked had their last name not been XYZ. Its shameful


Sounds exactly like my HS. I was a “bad” kid, and got into a lot of trouble for things I wasn’t even a part of, they just pinned a lot of negative stuff on me. My family wasn’t rich, my dad wasn’t learning, I never got a single job. At this point m, it doesn’t bother me, but as a tenth grader? It killed me. My grades were average. I got suspended for a rumor and misunderstanding. Tried explaining my part, but how could little miss perfect that approached the principal be wrong?
I ended up leaving the school, and can honestly say I had the best time of my life at my new HS. I had friends, the school wasn’t telling them to stay away from me, and I got to REALLY learn.
I give all the credit for my frumkeit to my second HS. they made me feel seen, loved and I know that they did that for every girl
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amother
Camellia


 

Post Tue, Sep 13 2022, 7:22 pm
boat wrote:
Gosh I was hoping someone would post a shout out that their particular school, or daughters school was not like this.

My school in Brooklyn was just like this.
Not only that but girls got picked to be production head etc just on the sole basis that their sisters were production head in previous years
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amother
Azalea


 

Post Tue, Sep 13 2022, 7:26 pm
boat wrote:
Gosh I was hoping someone would post a shout out that their particular school, or daughters school was not like this.


My high school was not like this.
Throughout high school everyone student was given a job besides for their 12 grade job, whether it was head of melava malka, yom iyun…
I was an average a/b student and I was chessed head in 12th grade. They based in on how much chessed you did, it was no reflection on grades.
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amother
Green


 

Post Tue, Sep 13 2022, 7:32 pm
In some schools, the A+ girls never get picked for anything non-academic. They get passed over for chessed, shabbaton, dance, G.O., etc. Because these jobs need to get given to girls who aren't shining in academic areas so they can shine here. So the A+ girls and the B+/A girls both end up on academic things like chidon, but even if they're creative or great at organizing or whatever, they don't get the activity jobs. And so many want to be known for something beyond academics.

This can also be very tachlis when it comes to getting recommendations. In many schools, you request who you want to write yours. But the same teachers can't write for the whole grade. So there's a cheshbon made. If you don't have a specific relationship with a teacher because you didn't get noticed and you didn't need to go to them for help, it's harder. Many teachers will write for the girls they know more about, and who they think will really need them. It may not occur to them that Shaindy who never needs help may need them too.
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