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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Simcha Section
amother
OP
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Thu, Sep 15 2022, 1:10 pm
DD is getting married soon, and my parents, in-laws, and a bunch of our friends all want to make sheva brachos. That leaves the mechutanim with only one day. (Because Friday night and M”S is also our side). They said they are fine with this arrangement, the only ones who want to make one are one set of grandparents.
Is this fair? Are they just being nice about it although they really want to make another one, or is finding people to make sheva brachos a stress? Also, why does no one else want to make sheva brachos?? Our side is so excited!!
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theoneandonly
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Thu, Sep 15 2022, 1:13 pm
Usually it's a pain to find ppl to make Sheva brachos. Listen to the other side; I'm sure they are thrilled with this arrangement.
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happy7
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Thu, Sep 15 2022, 1:29 pm
Making Sheva Brachos is a really big expense- even if you do it cheap.
I was very happy to only have to take care of two when my daughter got married. Her chosson’s family wanted Shabbos in their city. At first, I was very upset because I wanted to have my kids at Shabbos Sheva Brachos and I couldn’t travel with them, but then when I realized how much it would cost me to host, I was thrilled that they wanted to take it on. I was also happy that my family members didn’t have to absorb such a big cost. If your family hasn’t done it before, I hope they won’t be overwhelmed when they realize the expenses Your mechutanim might actually be really happy.
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scruffy
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Thu, Sep 15 2022, 1:42 pm
It's also a lot of work to DIY a Sheva Brachos if you are trying to save money. Depending on how busy/ local relatives and friends are, it's not always feasible to make one.
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amother
Rainbow
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Thu, Sep 15 2022, 1:58 pm
We only had 3 sheva brachos when we got married because no one else offered.
Neither set of parents made.
One was my friends , one was DH friends and shabbos a relative graciously hosted.
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amother
Purple
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Thu, Sep 15 2022, 2:29 pm
Who cares if it fair or not. If both sides are happy, perfect!
You do what works. My inlaws did shabbos Sheva brachos. It is what worked for us because of travel and other constraints. People thought that was weird but everyone who mattered did not care.
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rmbg
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Thu, Sep 15 2022, 2:49 pm
happy7 wrote: | Making Sheva Brachos is a really big expense- even if you do it cheap.
I was very happy to only have to take care of two when my daughter got married. Her chosson’s family wanted Shabbos in their city. At first, I was very upset because I wanted to have my kids at Shabbos Sheva Brachos and I couldn’t travel with them, but then when I realized how much it would cost me to host, I was thrilled that they wanted to take it on. I was also happy that my family members didn’t have to absorb such a big cost. If your family hasn’t done it before, I hope they won’t be overwhelmed when they realize the expenses Your mechutanim might actually be really happy. |
This!! I’m assuming this is your first and perhaps the first from your side. When BH families are large and there are a lot of simchos, it starts adding up. A lot. Our family doesn’t make for any nieces and nephews anymore. Bringing our families to the simchos cost us plenty as it is. Hosting Sheba brachos is simply not doable. We also don’t live in the same cities as each other and need to get back home.
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Bnei Berak 10
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Thu, Sep 15 2022, 2:55 pm
Why people don't want to make 7 brachot?
It's expensive
It messes up your weekday schedule
People don't have time to squeeze another arrangement into their already full schedule
And above that nobody really want to attend sheva brachot except for the chossen and kallah. And it starts far far too late for everybody and goes on until the wee hours.
I dread being invited to sheva brachot and there is no way I am arranging it either.
DH's nieces (two sisters) getting married after the chagim (once month spaced apart)
I am just awaiting for my SIL's call (not mother of the bride) wishing shana tova and inquiring what about sheva brachot
She's the type who thinks it's a must.
Sorry I have such a negative attitude but I dislike sheva brachot with a passion.
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Bnei Berak 10
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Thu, Sep 15 2022, 3:12 pm
Announcement: There is NO Halacha that says you must have sheave brachot!
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amother
Slateblue
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Thu, Sep 15 2022, 3:27 pm
Op I think it's beautiful that so many people offered to make sheva brachos ! Enjoy!
As others mentioned it is a lot of work and a huge expense so a lot of people have a hard time finding hosts.
Truthfully there aren't so many days available since usually shabbos is organized by kalla's parents.(or chassan's parents for sefaradim which makes much more sense to me! Girls parents already organized a whole wedding!! I'm not sefaradi!)
I don't do it so often but I l like to offer for close friends and usually do it with friends so every lady there bring a course. We share work and expenses so it's doable and so nice to spend time with friends.
I like the speeches, jokes sometimes grammen...
Enjoy your simcha and don't worry about what other ppl do! Do what works for you!
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amother
Banana
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Thu, Sep 15 2022, 3:34 pm
They aren't "being nice" and letting you have it all...they are relieved that they don't have to find people to do it for them! They will be grateful to you for taking care of it.
My MIL was so disappointed when my cousin backed out of hosting one, because she had to scrounge around for friends to do it for her.
I wish people would realize that Sheva Brochos is optional. It usually happens on Shabbos because the family is there, so you'll have 10 men anyway. If there are 10 men AND the chossen/kallah just happen to be there during the first week of marriage, then you have SB.
I remember when a good friend of mine got married 15 years ago. Her brother had just turned bar mitzvah, so her mom invited his class over, gave them pizza, and they got to say the sheva brochos. They were SO excited. That's how it should be, instead of the obligatory, draining, annoying SB of our times.
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