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Crazy meal, what should I have done?
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amother




OP
 

Post Sun, Sep 18 2022, 6:50 pm
These were nuclear family guests - theyre the only ones who can handle it.
Aside for the guests, assuming I stop having guests until whenever, how do I handle the kids and the shabbos meal. It's depressing and infuriating.
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amother




Whitesmoke
 

Post Sun, Sep 18 2022, 6:55 pm
I think you need ongoing support from a coach and hope someone can make a recommendation.

Such a hard place to be. My gut tells me to somewhat cancel shabbos meal, divide and conquer. So maybe everyone has kiddush and cake and then some kids eat in the kitchen with you, rest with your husband. Explain that you just can’t have what happened last week repeat itself.
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amother




Fuchsia
 

Post Sun, Sep 18 2022, 7:18 pm
If it was me I would wait til a different stage to be hosting...
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amother




Emerald
 

Post Sun, Sep 18 2022, 8:44 pm
If it makes you feel better, OP, my kids behaved horrifically also this shabbos and they have no ‘excuse’ of a diagnosis. Just plain old misbehaving and obnoxiousness. And we had a family member guest too. My kids generally behave better with guests though. And our seudos are not very formal or official, everyone is allowed to leave the table and play at will. But no one wants to, so that becomes the ‘punishment’.
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amother




Seablue
 

Post Sun, Sep 18 2022, 9:35 pm
amother Stonewash wrote:
Is having the guest over making it harder? Because I stopped having guest at a point when kids were very difficult.


This. My ADHD kid gets over the top when there are guests.

So I don't have guests at this stage in my life (other than close family, I.e. parents, siblings, who are well aware of my DC).

Hopefully when my kids are older, guests will be back in the picture.
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amother




Offwhite
 

Post Sun, Sep 18 2022, 9:44 pm
I agree with the other posters about lowering expectations and redefining what a "good" shabbos meal looks like. Yes, some families have starched and ironed kids sitting around the table singing and listening to divrei Torah. Not everyone does. Maybe if you make it through kiddush and hamotzi that's a win.

Definitely feed kids in advance and feel free to experiment with number of courses etc until you find a format that works for your family. And even if for the time being you're not having 'regular' shabbos meals the day may come when the kids mature and your meals look more typical. Or maybe not, and that's ok too. You're honoring Shabbos to the best of YOUR abilities right now.
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amother




Green
 

Post Mon, Sep 19 2022, 3:59 am
I heard shoshana Kay is fantastic
You can hear her weekly tips on the Nishmoseini hotline 7187591111
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amother




Latte
 

Post Mon, Sep 19 2022, 9:15 am
It really does get easier as the kids get older. Hang on and do your best.
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